I found out in December that my partner had slept with a girl at his workplace. It apprently happened early on in the relationship but says he cant remember exactly when. He also says it happened twice, but I dont know if this is true.

They still work in the same place and I am finding it very hard to get rid of the images that float around my head. I can go for days and we are so happy then all of a sudden I get a thought or an image & I wanna lash out at him but I keep it in & it just stews.

The most frustrating thing is he tells me I need to get over it, it happened ages ago, so just move on. But in my head it is still quite fresh & I have questions that are unanswered. But to be honest sometimes I crave the answers, other times I wonder if its best not knowing.

The whole thing is so confusing. We are good together and we love each other and want to move on from this, but I feel he has forgotten too quickly & he feels I have remembered it for too long.

Your Plan: Work it out

Cutting long story short.

Am an Indian, married for 16 years. Have two kids. They are in India since 2009 taking care of kids’ education and I am in Middle East on job. Observing (December 2010): (i) her not taking interest in sex for 1 year (ii) not smiling at me when I reach home, (iii) talking to an unmarried next door bachelor on mobile phone in whisper, (iv) inviting a grown up boy to home and giving him mobile number, (v) and frequent fights, I understood something was wrong. I visit them once in 3 months.

In Jan 2011, after a fight, she confessed to have fallen in love and agreed to marry a schoolmate in 1992. The affair was abruptly ended by her family and she was married off to me. Ours is an arranged marriage. She denies any physical contact with that schoolmate.

She asks me about how I feel about her, whether she has been truthful to me. I wonder if there had been no physical affair, why she should feel guilty.

Now she indicates that there are other men flirting with her.

She had a massage (a year ago) from a male friend of mine in Middle East and now that male friend is proposing to me for one night swapping of wives!

She says that unmarried bachelor neighbour’s intentions are not good, and the other males flirting with her have other (!) intentions.

She scratched my hands, back – as she narrated a story of illicit affair occurred nearby. Very emotional. She threatened me with very serious repercussions (killing kids and committing suicide) if I have any affair here. I am beyond shock and do not know how to deal with this.

Is she cheating on me? Has she cheated on me? How to know this? I tried through some simple polite conversations and she a sort of denying.

I am upset, angry and frustrated. Can anyone throw some light?

Your Plan: Confront my partner,Work it out

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. after 1 year we started to live together. I have children from a previous marriage and I had to move to try and help straighten out my 16 year son. He has not lived under my rule or household since age 5.I found a place suitable to live and try to help this situation out. Of course things only got worse in regards to my 16 year old.

My boyfriend begged and pleased for me and my youngest son (10 years old) to come back to his home. He has a close relationship with my 10 year old and has been apart of my youngest son’s life for the entire 4 years we have been together.

The problem comes in when shortly after moving back to my boyfriends house. I am cleaning and dusting our bedroom and basically getting a little organization going on around the place. I open up one of his drawers in his night stand and am blown away. In a brown paper bag there are 2 condoms and 3 more empty condoms wrappers. along with that lubricate jelly. I am not sure what to do?

Your Plan: Work it out

I’ve been seeing this guy for the past few months. He’s one of my really good friends brother’s, which is obviously how we met. He had just gotten out of a relationship with a girl that he has a daughter with a few weeks before we met. Now, from the beginning, I understood that I would always come second to his daughter. And we had talked it out, and he said that he was over the mother of his child, and that they had both talked it out and decided that they were no good for each other and had come to the decision to move on from each other. about a month into our relationship, she decided she wanted him back. He told her no, but never mentioned anything about him moving on and seeing someone else. when i confronted him about this, he said he didnt want her to know about me because he wasnt sure if she would do anything to stop him from seeing his daughter. i understood because from the stories i heard from him, she seemed like the very spiteful type. but now its a few months down the road, and just the other night, he was spending the night at my house, and his brother called saying that his ex was at his house with his daughter to surprise him. i didnt understand at first why she was at his brothers, but then i was told that he told the ex that he was spending the night at his brothers house.

its been months since they’ve broken up, and since we’ve been together, and if they both have moved on like they say they have, then why is he still lying to her about me?

i will be talking to him about this soon, but i just wanted to get someone from the outside that doesnt know us to give me some advice and tell me what it seems like he’s doing.

Your Plan: Confront my partner

Me and my boyfriend been together for 1 year now. He was with his ex for 3 years n he cheated on me with her, then she gets online sends me a message saying she is pregnant. So I ask him about it and he says yeah i guess and tells me what happened. He says he was drunk and that he didnt know what he was doing. He says maybe he had to do it to realize he didnt wanna be with her anymore. I love him to death and would do anything for him. But he keeps talking to her on the phone and he wont tell her he is with me. He says they are just friends. I really dont know what to think or do about the situation anymore. Ive been cheated on in basically every relationship and I just usually ignore it push it off and move on but this time its just to hard to do that.

Her Plan: Work it out

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We are very serious, considering marriage and children. I love him with everything, and he feels the same.

About 7 months ago, we had a massive fight and he left our house and I didn’t hear from him for over a week. We got in touch again, I desperately wanted him back, even though I told him I never wanted to see him again in our fight.

He told me that while he was back in our home town he went out, got really drunk and went home with a girl. He said they were in bed together but when it came down to sex, he told her he couldn’t go through with it.

He was incredibly sorry for what he had done, and told me it had convinced him that we were meant to be together and that I was the only one for him.

I accepted this and we got back together.

Between then and now we went back to his home town a number of times to go out partying. Always to the same place where he knows the bar staff.

Last November, he got a post card from the girl (girl 1) that manages the bar we go to saying to stay out of trouble because he was too pretty for jail.

I confronted him about this and he told me she was just a friend and that he had asked her to send him a post card while she was overseas.

Over new years we were back in our home town, we were fighting often but things were generally okay. A couple of days after new years we had another huge fight and he went out to the same bar. Early that morning I got a text from the same girl that send him the post card telling him to grow some balls. But she sent it to my phone. I asked him what the text was about and he said that she invited him to a party but he declined the invite because I wouldn’t want to go, so she was telling him to grow some balls.

He moved back to our home town while I went back to the state we had been living for the past year and a half.

I trusted him to be faithful to me even though he was at this bar all the time with a girl that wanted to sleep with him.

A week after I got back he called me saying he wanted to end it. I wasn’t convinced and went back to confront him about it but it was about a week after he broke up with me that I actually saw him. We got back together and things were great, but he was still out partying all the time. Something I’ve always had a problem with.

A few weeks after I had moved back to our home town, we went out together and he got really drunk and had an epiphany, that getting drunk and hanging out with people that are really only drunk friends is not what he wants with his life. He decided he needed to keep the people that care for him happy, rather than those he meets while out getting drunk.

Thing were amazing for a while, we were having fun together he wasn’t going to this bar, so he wasn’t seeing this girl (girl 1), and he was making such an effort to make me feel loved and cared for. We were spending every minute together and he just kept telling me how much he loved me and begging me to start a family with him, to marry him.

A few weeks after this he received a message from a girl (girl 2) saying that he was a liar for not telling he that he was sleeping with the bar girl, and that the bar girl had told her (girl 2) that he had given her an std.(We both got checked for STDs but it turned out that girl 1 was lying because she was angry that we had gotten back together.)

I was pissed. I confronted him about it right away and he told me that he slept with girl 2 once, because they had both been out and had gotten really drunk, and it happened in the week we had broken up in the new year. He told me she had asked him to meet her in the shower, but he’d fallen asleep, and she came back and woke him up and they had sex, but he faked it so he could stop.

I found out as well that the girl he had almost slept with 7 months back was Girl 1 from the bar. He told me he slept with her the second time, because she had offered to pay for his taxi home after a night out, but they ended up at her place, and she made a move on him and they ended up sleeping together. Again he faked it so he could stop and left the next morning.

However before new years we had gone out to the bar that girl 1 works at a few time and I had spoken to her and been friendly to her, and had no idea that her and my boyfriend had almost had sex. (I hadn t seen her at all after the second time)

I know that neither of these girls meant anything to him and he had stopped having any contact with them when he had his epiphany. They were simply the product of too much alcohol and a desire to remember what it was like to sleep with random people.

Each time he slept with someone we were officially not together , but still very much connected emotionally, and both knew we would eventually get back together.

Since then he has been making every effort to make me feel secure and loved, and has been supporting me financially while I m at university.

At the moment we are still together, but I m not happy in our relationship since I feel betrayed by him sleeping with 2 other girls. I know that nothing like this will ever happen again, but I m having a hard time getting past it, and feel like we shouldn t be together.

Do you think I m being stupid because he did only sleep with them when we weren t together? I still love him so much and he would die for me, but should I let this go? I ve told him that for our relationship to work I have to sleep with 2 people to even things out , he isn t happy about it but said that if that s what I need to do to stay with him, and be happy again then I should do it.

What should I do?

Her Plan: Work it out

Advice For Others: Don’t break up unless you know it’s for good.

My fiance and i began dating since high school.a year after we left school he proposed to me and a month after that we got pregnant.things were hard and we were having a difficult time but i never suspected him of cheating.i had the baby two months ago and couple weeks ago i found out he was having a one year relationship behind my back.we are now trying to work things out cause we are still in love and for the sake of our son.wat should i do.i keep accusing him and bringing up the whole thing.i forgot to tell u that the girl is pregnant and they are looking about aborting the baby so they have to communicate but i hate that they have to.he really wants it to work. i need ur help and advice.

We’ve been together for 20 years, we have 3 boys, my husband’s emotional affair with a co-worker blindsided me. He maintains there is nothing, but he moved out to “clear” his head and I keep running into both of them whenever I’m with our kids. He shared our secrets with her for the past 8 months and humiliated me by criticizing my faults and about us spending money on trips and having debts. I listed where all the money went so he can see for himself that it’s all accounted for. Now, he gets mad at me whenever I defend myself at work and with friends against his stupid excuses for seeking her friendship. He forgets in the past 20 years that he put me down in front of our kids all the time, this built resentment for the kids not respecting me. On top of all this, he blew our savings, it’s been one financial mess after another. I’ve tried to get help on our marriage, but he’s not interested. He goes back and forth, first saying it’s nothing and then saying it’s more than just a fling. We still have a little boy together and I can’t believe he’s so open about what he’s done. I think he does feel guilty and is trying to help me keep the house and take most of the debts, but my income won’t be enough to handle the house payments and then expenses with my own debts. I think him helping me is also a way for him to save face at work, with friends and family. He’s involved in the community and I’m not sure when people discover what’s happened what they will think. I want to continue participating in the community with our youngest son. He suggested not to do a divorce, but a legal separation instead so that he can still carry me on all his benefits. If I get a 2nd job to make ends meet, he can use it against me and lower the child or spousal support. What should I do? I feel pathetic for hoping and whining to him about what his actions have done to our family. I already have a substantial support network with co-workers, mutual friends and church, but I still obsess over him and them together, flaunting what he’s done. I contact him too much with my daily events. Friends say I need to stop and be mysterious. Doesn’t this create more distance between us?

Her Plan: Work it out

what if he cheated and got her pregnant? how do u get over that if u r trying to work things out?i need advice please i dopnt know what to do. i love him and wont it to work but i dont want anything to do with this child……

Her Plan: Work it out

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now, and things havent been good. The first year was fantastic, then everything changed. I have depression so im not the happiest person to live with but I try so hard to be happy. About 5 months ago our relationship got lazy, we were constantly around eachother, we stopped doing anything romantic, had nothing to talk about, were always arguing and were generally unhappy. I blamed myself and took myself to a counsellor but he chose not to. He said he wanted the relationship but yet wouldnt do anything to help it. So i stopped going because i felt it was unfair that i was the only one trying to make it work. So we got further unhappy. Anyway on new years day we had an argument, so he took his mate home so his friend wouldnt have to feel awkward, while he was gone i logged on his computer and went on to facebook, he was still logged in and his inbox was open, i found messages between him and a girl i thought was a close friend and he was saying how much i piss him off, and how horrible a person i am, then he was saying he wanted to hook up with her and if he was single he would be with her instead of me (she has a boyfriend mind you), She said she had a boyfriend and didnt want that but then asked him to hang out alone together, and was telling him to just leave me, so i had no idea what to belive. So i left his house, started walking down the road crying practically ready to walk in front of a car at about 1am, he found me and chased me down, when i told him what i saw, he got angry with me, not because i read his emails but because i was upset. He screamed at me telling me he wasnt good enough for me and that he hated himself, then he told me he was going to crash his car into a pole and kill himself. I stopped him. We went inside and i told him i loved him and i wanted to make this work and he said he wanted the same thing, he called the girl and told her that nothing was going to happen between them, i talked to her and said some nasty things. She texted me telling me saying \”I was never trying to get with him, I woulnt do that to you or my boyfriend. I would have done the same for you. You knew i liked you anyway\” then within a minute she texted me \”I love you, dont do this. I would never do this, you know that! we werent going to do anything on my end, if he tried something i would have made that clear. Please? I am begging you\” The deal with this girl is that i had a crush on her, and her the same for me.I Would have never done anything though. Then i asked him if there was anybody else he was planing on doing anything with, he said no. The next day he told me he had told another girl that he had a crush on her. So that just made me feel worse. Since all this happened he has stopped all contact with them, and has actually told me he wants to go to counselling and fix himself and i hope he does. I know the reason this relationship went sour is because we got lazy, he isnt a horrible person, and i do love him but because our relationship turned more to a friendship it was crap. I\’m just stating this for clarification, He has never actually cheated. But what i really want to know is if this happened to you, how would you deal with it? And if you have gone through the same thing and stayed together did it get better, could you trust them again? And how do you try to not hate and blame yourself?

Her Plan: Work it out