My husband after a 15 year good marriage ( or so i thought) and a 10 year old son, secretly started an affair with a colleague. This had been going on for nearly 6 months before i discovered a love letter accidentally and confronted both of them.They denied it as it was in some other names then theirs. I thought this would end it but they carried on lying and cheating me.
Its nearly an year now. When i confronted my husband again he said hes in love with the OW and cannot stop.He refused to tell her name or his future plans. He said if i couldn\’t bear it i should walk out. We have no physical relationship since an year now . I said its his call and he has to take a decision. Besides i left my job to raise a family and don\’t want my child to suffer without a home and father. For now i have decided to wait an year before breaking up if this continues. I don\’t know if OWs husband knows.
I\’m afraid if i tell him he may divorce her and then she will cling even harder to my husband. I fear now hes so much in love with her he may go to her for good. He continues to live with us but visits her every night which is unbearable. I don\’t know how he thinks he can continue like this.Can someone please advise me as to what i should do ? Should i wait and wear them down in the hope that it may fizzle out or should i force a decision? Thanks.
Her Plan: Work it out
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Let her have him if you don’t want to leave but make him take care of you and your son.
What kind if a life is that for you and your son? this man is treating your home like a hotel. You are better off without him. Make a new life for yourself and your son.
You shouldn’t walk out, tell HIM to leave.
Dump him! He is treating you and your child horribly. You are better off without him. You deserve a man that treats you with respect.
You are only prolonging the inevitable and in the process hurting your child. They know more than you think they do.
Sounds to me as if you need to search for (and hopefully find!) some self respect. This is nothing but destructive for you and your child. I’d show him the door. Fast.
Why should you leave? Tell he that he has to leave. Think very hard before deciding to plod on with things as they are, it is not good for you or your child.
That’s true about who leaves. The important thing, though, is that respect is huge in any relationship, and if it’s not there, the relationship isn’t real.
It’s been about a month now, GMA… how did you decide to handle this, and are you doing all right with your decision?
I really hope you have managed to deal with this difficult situation. Please let us know how you are getting on.
You just have to know who is important, you or your husband. You have to make the decision that is going to benefit you so think long and hard about it. Listen to no one except you.
Donerella is absolutely right, this is a situation where you have to do what is right for you. I hope you have some friends around to support you.
Sometimes people are afraid to put themselves first but you have to know and respect yourself and your own worth before a relationship can even be real.
If I am totally honest Orrymain, it took me 40 years before I felt able to recognise and articulate my own needs. When you have a family you tend to put them first and if you are not very careful you lose yourself somewhere along the way.
I recognise that feeling Kernow, it is almost as if we get conditioned to put the needs of everyone else in the family before our own needs.
I like what Orrymain wrote, I agree that you have to be at ease with yourself as an individual and have a sense of self worth before you are ready for a relationship.
You are making it too easy on him. You are in essence giving him permission to treat you badly. He’s a cheater. He is not showing concern for the well being of his child. Tell him he can either give up the other woman completely or he can move out. You stay put with your child. Tell him you are tired of being treated with disrespect, that he can either stop this nonsense or he can get lost. You can then file for divorce and ask for spousal support and child support.
You have to stand up for yourself. You need to seek revenge for what he has done. First, he is trying to push you out of his life, if you stay long enough, he will just leave. Second, they say cheating starts long before the act is committed. What that means is that he was unhappy and had disconnected sometime before he met her. Third, you need to make a game plan – don’t worry, it’ll be empowering, even liberating.
First, if he has a facebook account, post his misdeeds on it, someone will see. You can also start a free website or blog, and with a little instruction(found on google)you can make your website go to the top of the search results when his name is searched. Start texting his phone, every so often, posing as ‘another lady’ when they are together, it will plant a seed of doubt into her head. I also suggest spilling the beans on her facebook, blog and work. Show up at his work in tears, and let everyone know what he did.
Then, like it or not, file a temp ex parte restraining order granting you use of the house, cars, and custody of your children on the basis of gross emotional harm and abuse toward you and your children. If he ever tries to kick you out, he cannot, lawfully. Lastly, file for divorce, under the circumstances of infedility, and keep detailed logs. You need to make his life at least a little miserable, so you can go on with yours.
Look at it this way: You now have the chance to start over. It is not a social stigma to be a single mom, nor is it against what God says to divorce your spouse if he cheats. Just don’t get walked on, you’ll always regret it.
I don’t think I would follow the advice about posting his misdeeds all over the internet. However I think the advice to stand up for yourself and protect your rights to the house etc. Most important of all try to protect your son from this as much as possible and remember that however much your husband hurts you, he is still your son’s father and he needs to play a part in his life.
it’s your home.. make him leave. He has to choose between youand this other woman. He seems happy to just use you to take care of his home and child and use the other woman for sex.
You are both better off without him.
You are right Stav, he shouldn’t have it all his own way. He simply can’t treat his wife like that and expect her to just put up with it.
Throw him out, when youre ready file for a divorce, or let him do it. Do you really think that if he dumps the other and comes back to you, that you can trust him? Do you really want to live like that? And then to babysit your marriage? No, you are more important than that, and dont need to be disrespected. And your child will be just fine if there is a divorce. You worked before, you can do it again! We are women!! We are survivors and can make a good new life!