I married my first love. I was also his first love. We knew each other since elementary school. we have been together for 13 years. We have been through everything together and I felt everything we went through only made us stronger. Neither one of us had parents so when I got pregnant at 18, we were actually homeless for a while. We supported each other while the other went to college.

Now 13 years later, we both have our careers and it seemed like we were getting everything we dreamed about. THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAS BEEN CHEATING ON ME FOR THE LAST 7 MONTHS WITH A DIRTY TRAMP FROM WORK. You would figure the dumb a$$ would\’ve cheated up, and not spit in my face like that, but that b!tch couldn\’t be me on her best day. So why did it last so long? One of my biggest fears is catching an STD and after all this time I like to think I have rubbed off on him. He says it lasted so long because he had to feel comfortable enough that he could stick his d!ck inside her and not worry about it falling off. He said it lasted so long because he was doing his \”homework\” to make sure she was clean. And he used a condom. Of course some men are just so dumb it is sad really because he didn\’t even do a thorough job.

Women for future reference, when you get your annual pap smear, they only check you for HPV, or genital warts (which now there is a vaccine for). You could still have a whole number of other STDs and get a clean pap smear. Anyhow, I haven\’t built up the courage to go to the clinic yet but I will because I m not gambling my life on a paper thin piece of rubber. That\’s just me. It pisses me off that he came home and exposed me to whatever he could\’ve caught from her. I want to forgive him because he is the love of my life and I cant even remember life without him. More importantly though, I feel I have to take some of the blame.

You see my husband is very alpha-male. He has to feel like the \”man\” and i have been the warden in this household. It\’s always my way, and I am more educated and advanced than he is and in a lot of ways, I feel I am smarter than him and he knows it. I am the primary breadwinner and everyone knows I wear the pants in this family. He has been telling me for years to stop treating him like one of the kids and to start treating him as an equal. In addition, we fight all the time and we go months without sex. When I got pregnant with our second child, he said it wasn\’t his because we hadn\’t had sex for 3 months. I was actually three months pregnant when I found out, so that cleared that up.

While my infidelity is not at question (as I ve never wanted anyone but him and am too scared of catching something even if I ever did) this is just to explain the extent of our sex life. This has been our sex life for the last 11 years (since I became a mother). It was all my decision, my husband is like a damn rabbit. He wants sex all day every day. He has begged me for YEARS and has tried everything (flowers, laying me down on a bed of roses, candlelight dinners on the beach, jewelry, you name it). On average, we have sex around 5 times a year. I know I ve been wrong but I ve just been too tired or too mad to really get into it. Also, he is so BIG I really have to be in the mood or else it hurts. I can\’t fake it either because I get REALLY REALLY wet down there when I want it (I leave big puddles on the bed and drip all over the floor when standing up). He CAN tell the difference when I want it or not and he says it messes with his ego when I give him sex out of \”obligation.\” He wants me to want him. He has been telling me for years that I don\’t make him feel special and that it hurts him that I am \”repulsed\” by him. Every night he would take a shower and get in the bed naked with me and I didn\’t pay him a drop of attention. I went on to watching a movie and ignoring him for 11 years!! All the while, he continued to try everything to get me to want him the way he wanted me. I think I chased him into another women\’s bed.

I know FOR A FACT that he has never cheated on me before because of his behavior. I noticed 7 months ago that he pulled away from me. At first I was relieved to not have to deal with his disappointment of me telling him no again, but then it began to bother me. This led to more arguments which pushed him further away. He said he did it because I made him feel unwanted, took his manhood away from him, and he felt I didn\’t want it anyway (in a nutshell). I checked the phone records online to find out when it started and the extend of the affair and he told me EVERYTHING. He said she was just a piece of a$$ and she had nothing he wanted. He had sex with her three times (he said the first two times he would close his eyes and try to picture me the first 2 times because he really just wanted me but he went limp because of guilt). The third time when he was actually able to finish he had to picture some girl on his porn video just to finish.

That\’s another thing he jacked off to his porn for years to relieve himself because i wouldn\’t let him. He said, he kept going back because he didn t get to finish and didn t know if it was worth it or not. Once he was finally able to finish the deed, he realized it sucked. I forced him to go into details (how it felt, the different positions they tried). He said it actually pissed him off because all the sh!t she talked, and she was bone dry. He had to rub spit on the condom just to move in and out. His actions after the third time suggests he didn\’t find what he was looking for and moved on. See, I didn t catch him with this girl, I caught him with another girl. He had been talking with a new girl for about a week and I intercepted a text. This is how I found out. He hadn t had time to do anything with her but I noticed all communication with the other girl stopped once he started talking to the new girl. The phone records corroborate his story. All of our feelings came out into the open with the second one and after two weeks I agreed to try to salvage our relationship. After all, nothing happened YET and we could work on the reasons why it could have happened. Me being me, I grew uneasy because he withdrew from me 7 months ago and the affair only lasted a week. So I checked his phone records and found out the whole truth. So he lied. He had the opportunity to come clean when I found out about the other one and he didn t!!

What the hell should I do now? He says it\’s all his fault and I did nothing wrong and that he doesn t deserve me and that he cant live without me and all that other crap and all he ever wanted was me but he got tired of playing with himself for all these years and it made him feel more like a man that someone did want him and he\’ll spend the rest of his life making it up to me and he\’ll do whatever it takes to keep me and he\’ll never go out with the guys again and he\’ll put himself on dog tag to check in with me every minute of the day and I can put the cell phone spyware on his cell so I can spy on him anytime I want, blah, blah, blah.

There are 2 big problems though. First, he wouldn\’t have stopped if he didn t get caught!! He would\’ve gone on cheating for years. Second, he is the first b!tch\’s BOSS. Yes, so if he fires her, it\’s sexual harassment. I found out she works for him because he told me and said he now has to leave his job. I told him he can\’t, it\’s a stroke of luck that he even found this job and we have grown accustomed to this lifestyle. He says no amount of money is worth losing me and doesn\’t want to go back. He says there are too many bad memories with this job and he just wants to focus on us without me having to picture them together everyday. He knows that will be too much for me and I know it too. He didn t have to tell me he worked with her but he did. And I talked to the tramp and she lied and said she didn t know about me and that she works somewhere else. I go to my husband\’s job all the time; everyone knows about us thirsty trick. I would\’ve never found out she works with him. If he quits his job, it will be hard to find another one because he will have a bad reference if he doesn t give the company time to find and train his replacement. Then how can I look at him like a man when I have to support him along with the rest of this family just because he couldn\’t keep his d!ck in his pants?

That is not the actions of a man, but of a stupid little boy. Me not treating him like a man and not showing him how much I wanted him was how we got here in the first place. Am I stupid to stay? Trust is the foundation of any relationship and it\’s now gone. Can we pull through this and will he ever do this again? Can I trust that this is really why he did it and that as long as i fulfill all his needs he\’ll be loyal? Why should I even have to worry about his needs anyway, he fu(C)ked up not me?

Her Plan: Work it out

Advice For Others:
Let your man feel like a man (even if you know he\’s not), and for crying out loud if he wants to make love to you, stroke his ego and make him feel wanted. Nothing builds a man\’s confidence more than knowing he\’s desired. I learned this the hard way. Deep in my heart I know that my man would be untarnished today if I focused more on his needs and less on mine.