My boyfriend and I live together. Lately, he\’s been distant from me. The sex is almost non-existent, he gets moody, he flips from being nice to the silent treatment.
I decided to go into his cell phone one evening and discovered there were many texts messages to women. There wasn\’t anything suggestive that he was having sex with them not until yesterday. One of the texts said, \”when are you going to give me some of that good stuff?\”. I was furious but I kept it to myself. He recently told me that he wanted to get his own apt.
I decided to give him 3 days to find a place and leave my home. Now he is stalling because I am all for him leaving. Now he is nice again.
Why doesn\’t he want to leave and move in with his other \”women\” he texts? Should i confront him about the text message or just let it be? I want him to know that I know. I also found two condoms in his pants pocket. Says he didn\’t do anything. I think otherwise.
Her Plan: Confront my partner,Revenge
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A relationship without trust doesn’t work and he has shown that he has secrets at the very least. Get out of this mess and find yourself someone worth your time and trust.
It certainly sounds like something new is attracting his attention. I’d make him move out, or commit himself to you.
I think you have made the right decision, if you can’t trust him it is not worth trying again with the relationship.
I so firmly believe that a real relationship is one where trust is central. Without it, everything fails and is nothing but a convenience.
If you can’t trust your partner how can you love them?
A fresh start is best.
Emotional abusers and cheaters are *always* “nice” for a while when they get caught. They may even show some crocodile tears. And then gifts.
BUT once trust is shattered, all of the truly good stuff is gone and you’d always be second-guessing. Always wondering where he is if he’s just 10 minutes late, etc. Not a very good life.
Katharina has summed it up perfectly, if there is no trust the relationship is a sham.
It has always amazed me how some people can go back into relationships to be used again and again. Sometimes it goes on for *years* before the “final straw.”
And then it’s always “gee, if I’d done this the first time, I might have been happy for the last [however many] years.” Sad stuff.
Katharina I have seen this happen, and my thoughts have been similar to yours, but I suspect that people who are in a situation like that find it very hard to be objective. Once a person has turned a blind eye to cheating behaviour once at what point will something be bad enough to prompt them to end the relationship.
True enough, Deltic. I know that some people are the “well, I’m sure this will be the last other woman” type but for me it’s more like “sorry, bud, you did it once so I need to assume you’ll do it again.”
I like to think I would take the same attitude as you, but if I was really in that situation and it was a very emotional, I wonder if I would be able to be that objective.
People return to bad relationships or stay in them because that’s what they know. That’s why abuse victims don’t leave as soon as they should.
And also because it is scary, financial insecurity, having to admit to the world that things really are that bad, having to disrupt and distress the children etc.
I think Deltic makes a good point, it must be much harder to be objective when you actually in that situation.
I don’t know if I would have the strength in that situation to tell my partner to go and to really mean it.
Finding the strength to say no, is really hard for a woman who has been emotionally tortured by a dominating partner. She is made to feel worthless and ‘grateful’ for anys mall crumb of kindness.. Breaking that cycle of abuse is a huge ask without help.