I had clues that my gf was not happy with us. But she refuses to communicate with me so I have no way of knowing what\’s going on. So I did a bad. I hacked her Facebook and found this letter she had written to an old flame. It was harmless for the most part other than her saying she was \”elated and overjoyed\” that he had found her and that she excercises daily at this specific beach and that she would love it if he stopped into her work to see her. Commented a couple times on how nice he looked and had taken good care of himself.
So now what. I\’m drama free and she\’s killin that plan. She\’s mad because I haven\’t popped the question….but how can I when there\’s no trust and I find letters like this?!!?!?!
Advice? If I bring it up it\’s going to be ugly because I did hack into her Facebook. I do feel bad there but I would feel worse if I hadn\’t have found the letter……
His Plan: Confront my partner
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You had clues you say. Could you not have sat down with her and tried to have a serious conversation? Trust seems to be lacking on your part otherwise why hack into her account?
You say she wants you to pop the question, so could it be that she has decided you won’t commit yourself to the relationship and is now considering looking elsewhere?
You are the one who broke the trust. If I was her I would not be able to trust you again. If you knew she wanted more and you were not willng to offer it, you had a good idea why she was unhappy. Her conversation with an old friend may be innocent. It sounds to me as if she is recognising that you are not right for her and she is trying to gather her thoughts about what to do next.
You wrote “I’m drama free and she’s killin that plan”. That is a very odd thing to say, have you had problems in the past that have left you with issues around trust. You certainly don’t speak about her with any warmth, you sound rather self obsessed. I think you would do well to get help with whatever unresolved issues you have.
A 1 on 1 conversation might’ve been the ideal way to go. If she wants to commit and you don’t, then why shouldn’t she move on? As a couple you both seem to want different things from the relationship and at this point maybe a break is needed.
Reading it again he says that she is mad because he hasn’t popped the question.. but then says how can he after finding letters etc.. Thing is, he didn’t pop the question and she was ‘mad’ long before he snooped into her facebook account, so using it as an excuse not to commit is just a cop out, imho..
I quite agree with you Stav. I think he showed very little care about her feelings but now he wants to make himself out as the one who has been wronged. If he had talked to her honestly a long time ago all this could have been avoided.
I think so too. Now that he has realised she’s probably decided she is wasting her time waiting for him, he is trying to justify himself by saying she couldn’t be trusted. When he betrayed the trust.
Very well put Stav, I hope he can learn to be honest with himself before he begins another relationship or he is likely to encounter similar problems.
I agree that what’s quoted from her letter doesn’t sound very bad at all, and unfortunately you’ve broken her trust by hacking into her account.
Trust is so important in a relationship and once lost (by hacking into her account) it will be very hard to rebuild.
I think that hacking inot her Facebook account was going way too far. I’m wondering if you are determined to find reason not to pop the question?
I think you went too far in hacking in to her facebook account, how can she trust you when yo have abused her trust in you.
This happened to me on facebook too. Difference is that I was married. We have been separated for about a month now. Best advice is to cut her loose. She is going to do it again when you don’t fulfill her every wish. Just the start of her cheating ways. I am sorry to say but they don’t change, my friend.
i wouldsayt he relationship is doomed. I could never trust a man that did such a thing, especially when that man refuses to make any kind of commitment to me..
Personally, that doesn’t sound bad to me. It could be completely innocent. As I’ve been saying, though, if you don’t have trust, you don’t have anything.
So, how’d ya hack her FaceBook? May seem like an odd question, but I’m going somewhere with it.
If you literally hacked it… well then UGH.
But if you mean she’d given you her password at some point and you just went snooping, then I’d say she didn’t care if you saw the letter because she considered it innocent. Makes a big difference, eh?
I know what you mean, Katharina. I didn’t choose to pursue that point, but it is a valid one. Everything works two ways, including trust.
well if she trusted him enough to give him her password then he is the one that has a problem don’t you think? if she had something to hide why would she do that?
Katharina you make a very important point. If she had trusted him with her password it seems very unlikely that she felt she had anything to hide.
You know what I am going throught the same thing. My bf was and still is acting cold towards me and doesn’t know if he wants to be with me anymore. So I hacked all of his webpages. Even his work email. And the thigs I read were unbeliveable. He is suggestivly flirting with a girl from where we work.(We work at the same place)People also see them together flirting and talking privatly. He is telling her all of our problems. We have been together for 2 years and known eachother for 3 years, he even proposed once, but we didn’t marry. I know that he is being disloyal to me but the proof that I have can be used aginst me. If only I could make him tell me the truth then we could get it all out in the open. I don’t know if I should just leave him without saying why or tell him why or if I should give him sometime to tell me the truth.
Proving once again that there are always two sides, and two POVs and even when they clash, everyone knew what they were thinking and feeling and that makes both views valid.
And Stav, I’m not sure what you’re asking because your question is exactly what I said and the point I made.
sorry Katharina i was sort of replying to Deltic’s post.. but i think i must have been drinkking… I think it is safe to say we are mostly in agreement.
I don’t think she had anything to hide, I think he has trust issues, and i think he is looking for excuses not to commit to the girl..
I wonder if perhaps he has some issues around trust because of something that has happened in a previous relationship?
I quite agree with you Stav. I think he showed very little care about her feelings but now he wants to make himself out as the one who has been wronged. If he had talked to her honestly a long time ago all this could have been avoided.