My husband and I have been married 15 years and together for a total of 20 years. Throughout our marriage he has had numerous affairs, and I always chose to forgive him. His latest affair is with a girl 20 years younger (27) than him with children from different men. He is 47. She is a co-worker and has qualities that he has always said he didn\’t want. He told me several times that he ended the affair and wanted me and to attend counseling; however, he has now left me for her since I found yet another hidden cell phone, and said it is because she shows him love, affection and has a lot of different sexual moves that he likes. Then calls me to tell me he is staying in a hotel and I know he is lying.
Then tells me that he will be faithful to her because he really loves her.
I know our marriage is over, but I am having difficulty letting go. My first meeting with a divorce recovery group is next week.
Your Plan: Leave my relationship
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Is your partner is cheating on you and you don't know what to do? Tell us your story and ask for our reader's advice.
I am so sorry that he has treated you so badly, you must be feeling very hurt. Unfortunately when there has been repeated cheating partners become more alert to the signs and less willing to accept excuses. From his point of view, less loving because he knows he is not trusted. Remember that leopards do not change their spots, he will cheat on her too. You have done everything possible to make your marriage work, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Hold your head high, rely on your friends and family and build a better life for yourself. Keep posting here if it helps.
I believe that in your heart you know that leaving him is what you have to do…so pull yourself together and let him go. Get out of that relationship and move into the future. A future that doesn’t include him. If you’re not already doing so, join a group that will allow you to rant and rave about him and offer you advice on how to move on. Believe that you deserve better and you will get it!
I hope that first meeting will go well for you dear. Your man is a serial adulterer and you know in your heart he won’t change. It won’t be long before he is cheating on this other woman too. You are better off without hi.
Good luck in rebuilding your life.
I hope you will get past this treatment. You are important and needs to realize that. He won’t change and she will get what she has dug herself to get…to be cheated on by him. Yes, she does what she is suppose to do and that is give him sex how he wants but you are better. Get out while you have your dignity because he surely doesn’t.
You have been given some good advice. I wish you the very best with rebuilding your life. I am sorry to touch on a sensitive subject, but if he has been with a number of other women it may be a good idea to have a check up just in case he has passed on any infection to you.
Good advice justontime.. probably the last thing you think of when in such a situation, but the most important.
It is a very sensitive subject, but it is important. Don’t let embarassment put you off, doctors are used to these things and they will be kind and practical. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
I think the stigma attached to this sort of thing, prevents many people from getting treatment for something easily dealt with, that left untreated can have horrific consequences.
Even if you have no symptoms get a test, it will give peace of mind and it will prevent potentially serious long term problems.
I am so sorry that he has treated you so badly, you must be feeling very hurt. Unfortunately when there has been repeated cheating partners become more alert to the signs and less willing to accept excuses. From his point of view, less loving because he knows he is not trusted. Remember that leopards do not change their spots, he will cheat on her too. You have done everything possible to make your marriage work, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Hold your head high, rely on your friends and family and build a better life for yourself. Keep posting here if it helps.
Sorry to heard what happen to you. I discovered this week,that my husband is being cheating on me for a while. It is been a terrible year and half trying to discover his infidelity. Hold on we are better than them. But I know he will cheat on her too, sooner or later.
Mily, I am sorry to hear about your situation. Stay strong, you are right, in time he will cheat on her too.
If there’s any justice in a situation like this, it would be that losers such as this rarely end up ever being happy. They just keep searching for some ideal that doesn’t exist.
Within a year or two, he’ll be moving on to someone new and this co-worker will be in tears as you are now.
I agree Katharina, as they say ‘what goes around comes around’.
There’s also a saying that applies and refers to karma… but I won’t repeat it here because of the language. Everyone’s probably heard it, and it’s very true. Whether or not someone believes in karma, it (or something similar to it) bites VERY hard.
and when fate (or whatever you like to call it) catches up with them it is very hard to have any sympathy for their situation.
Yes… I know more than one relatively
“old” and lonely person who grew that way with a whole closetful of regrets. Wouldn’t it be nice if more people could foresee those regrets *before* destroying someone else’s life?
It is very sad to see it, but people who mess up someone else’s life often find that they have destroyed their own in the process.
I’m glad that you are going to a recovery group. That’s the best thing you can do. My hunch is you’ll get a lot of strength from that.
The recovery group sounds very helpful and you will find others in the group who who will understand your situation and offer friendship and support.
just being around people who understand your situation perfectly will be a help to you.
Hopefully the group will enable you to meet others who are further along the in the recovery process. It will help you to see that life goes on and you will enjoy life again.
I hope that the group will give you the strength and encouragement to get through this.
How are you doing now, Lacy? Did the support group help you, and were you able to move on to better things and happier times?
You are suffering from pangs of familiarity…but the good news is that it is not deadly! You are right in that you are in turmoil…but that is the nature of the beast…You are in the right..and he is …screwed up! Turn around and face the other path…and you shall meet others who are thinking the same as you, after all it is the right and normal way of thinking. Do NOT go back. That place has nothing for you. AS OTHERS HAVE SAID HERE THERE IS SORROW FOR YOU AND NOTHING BUT CONTEMPT FOR HIM AND WHY? BECAUSE WHAT HE HAS DONE AND CONTINUES TO DO IS BEYOND CONTEMPT AND UNDERSTANDING…ERGO,the bad feelings and ‘break’. You are deserving more than his shenanigans, correct? Go FORWARD! My best wishes to you!
Hi, I think you have given your husband enough chances to change and make things work. It takes a hell of a lot of strength and courage to leave someone you love and have been with for such a long time but ultimately the decision has to come from you. My advice would be to leave though. Good luck.