For the past 10 months iv been in a long distance relationship. I tend to visit ever 2 months(because my work permits this) or so and she comes for a week when she cant get off work.
It had been going great for last 8 months, we spoke to each other every day via skype and when we were together she always tells me how much she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I always felt confident, never paranoid or jealous.
She\’s a dancer in a troup so she tends to go to different countries for periods of time, sometimes up to a month (we still keep in contact via skype,sms tele etc) .
Last august when i visited i was alone at her house since she had to go do her nails. I saw her camera and went through the pictures (nothing wrong right ?) well the funny thing was 80% of the photos she had was a guy (who works with her) holding her. The same guy in each photo. I was so shocked, my heart pounded with rage! I called her and told her to get her ass home because we need to speak. I could barley speak myself with the anger!
When she came home and i confronted her about it. I told her if there is something going on tell me now so i can stop wasting my time and money to see her. She burst into tears because i threatened to leave, she told me that he is just a friend and she wants to be with me bla bla bla bla bla bla bla. I accepted that BUT from then on iv been careful, paranoid and jealous.
That was two months ago, since then she seems to have lost interest in me, she doesnt say i love you much, shes always typing when were on skype etc.
Last week on thursday i was speaking with her on skype, i noticed that she wasnt much interested on what i was saying, again she kept typing something. I got mad, but i didnt show it (im very good in hiding my feelings). I got so paranoid at this time that i decided to log in to her facebook account, something that i have never done because i respect privacy, but the pain in my chest got the better of me.
To my \”surprise\” ( because deeeeeeeep down i knew it, i get good hunches) There was a msg from him saying something like \”i miss you my kitten\” and her replying saying \”i miss you also bunny\” and another message from him saying \”i want to kiss you\”. She also told me that she had a birthday party of some guy the next day (his birthday) I closed my browser deleted her password (so i would not go in again) and told her i had to leave skype and sleep.
I count sleep all night ! Felt shit the next day. I didnt even go to work the next day.
I didnt confront her about it because i wanted to wait to meet her face to face. I had payed for a flight which will be next sunday (ill be staying there for 17 days)
From then on she\’s been \”normal\” still texting me and still speaking with me. But something seems so wrong and I want to find out.
DEEP DOWN I KNOW SHES DONE SOMETHING BUT !
1. I WANT HER TO SAY IT TO ME
2. WHEN SHES SWEET WITH ME I \”FEEL\” LIKE EVERYTHING IS ALLRIGHT 3. IM THINKING OF GIVING HER A GOOD TIME AND TELL HER THAT SHE CAN FUCK OFF AT THE END OF MY \”HOLIDAY\”
What u guys think ?
P.S
She doesnt live in my country so i had to translate the msg.
Joey\’s Plan: Revenge
Sponsored Links
Let Us Help You - Infidelity Advice
-
Is your partner is cheating on you and you don't know what to do? Tell us your story and ask for our reader's advice.
So far all the wrong seems to be on your side. She didn’t hide her camera, the photos could be innocent. You got angry and demanded she come back. You made her cry and according to your own words you were paranoid and jealous. Then you betray her again by going on to her facebook account, you know that was wrong. You have interpreted what you found but again it could be innocent young people often use that sort of language among friends. Don’t go to see her, end it, you don’t trust her and she would be better off with someone who showed more respect for her.
Oh dear. I an’t see you having much of a future together if you sneak onto her facebook account, and go through her phone when she is not there. You don’t trust her, and she now doesn’t trust you.
Your stated intention to go to her and use her then ditch her is pretty low, I must say. If you don’t want her then tell her it’s over and don’t see her again.
If there is no trust there is no hope for the relationship. I agree with Stav, don’t go and see her, you would be letting yourself down. If you are there for 17 days and she throws you out on day 1 or 2 you will be in a mess. It is time to move on and next time don’t be so controlling
Your jealousy and lack of trust in her has already destroyed the relationship. So much so it may be past saving. Your anger is hurtful and you seem borderline abusive as well as obsessive. Her breaking off with you might be the best thing for both of you.
I think the messages that you found suggest an inappropriate intimacy between them. And I’d say it was inappropriate for you to hack into her Facebook account, rather than talking to her.
I think the mature and intelligent thing to do would be to end the relationship if that feels right, unless you both want to work on it, without leading it on any longer for dramatic effect.
Ts Taggart said don’t make a bad situation worse by playing mind games and causing unnecessary drama and pain.
Im going through the same thing right now with my girl. We stay in separate states. Were both in college so we only get a few chances to see each other a year. I got to see her about a week ago in my state. she fell asleep while we were watching a movie, so i thought i’d get on facebook & get on my page.. i thought i would take a peek.. i mean whats wrong with that if were together i would let her look on my facebook or phone there should be nothing to hide. i confronted her the next morning & she tried to assure me that the multiple guys were just friends… Her words were “baby i really miss you” “when can i see you” she really tried to convince me they were just friends & i wasn’t reading the message right. i took a different route & maybe i was wrong for looking on her facebook but i followed my gut feelings & i was rite. we still talk but i dont trust her so we cant be together untill were in the same city. oh she also had sum new sex moves & new fellatio tricks. which to me seem like shes been having sex. i noticed this before facebook incident.
I think the best thing that you can do is end the relationship. No more mind games, just end it.
A relationship must have trust. If you don’t trust her, get out and find someone where you live who you can trust.
Ya know, I was reading through these responses and… getting lost. Okay, so I agree that going through her camera was a really nasty thing to do and of course I agree that trust has to be present.
BUT I didn’t overlook that 80% of the photos were of some other guy holding her!! Whether or not peeking at her camera was wrong, it sounds as if maybe there’s a good reason to have lost trust, no?
I think part of the problem in today’s relationships is that trust is nonexistent. If someone feels compelled to cross privacy boundaries, it really doesn’t matter what they find.
Katharina, I see what you are saying. Maybe she has done something wrong, but by snooping he has crossed a line. Even if there was an acceptable explanation the trust would have been lost anyway. It is so much harder to regain trust than to lose it.
Oh sure, absolutely the snooping crossed the privacy line. This post, however, is about the couple and whether or not to stay together, not primarily about privacy issues.
Everyone agrees that what he did was wrong… but he’s asking about the proof that exists with another guy being a factor… and losing his girlfriend. There are two separate issues going on here and the lectures about snooping are a whole other matter when he’s possibly being cheated on, don’t you think?
If your husband has another woman and you go through his wallet and find her phone number or a mushy note, does it really make a difference in your shock and humiliation that you shouldn’t have been going through his wallet if the woman exists?
my reaction was against his revenge plan… i don’t think there is a future for them, and the sooner he quits and goes find himself a girl he can trust the better for both of them.
I know that some may disagree with me but I think the fact that he feels he can’t trust her is the issue. If he doesn’t trust her and feels he has reason to snoop, it seems to me that the relationship has no future and it is time to give up.
I can see exactly what you are saying Deltic, if he had doubts he should have discussed them seriously with her (he says he did this). If he felt that she was being evasive and still had something to hide he should have pressed the issue with her and asked her to explain the things that concerned him. He should then have ended the relationship if he didn’t believe her, he had no right to snoop.
Oh I agree with that. Trust is a two way street. If you can’t trust your partner, there is no relationship of worth anyway, regardless of whether or not the partner is cheating or not.
I am sure it must feel devastating if you find that your partner doesn’t trust you to the extent that s/he felt the need to snoop on you.
I’m afraid you’re right, Deltic, I do disagree.
I know that trust is vital but again, the poster had already SEEN proof of cheating, so whether or not he should have trusted her is… well, moot.
Show me a woman who’s going to catch her husband in bed with someone else and say “ooops, I’ll just overlook this because I really should have trusted him.”
Of course she *should have* trusted him, but right there’s the dirty laundry slapping her in the face, so what good is hindsight?
Orrymain, so you’re saying that even if you’re being cheated on, the trust should still be there? And if so… isn’t that kind of like denial of the worst kind?
Trusting someone to not cheat who’s already cheating is a bit unrealistic, no?
trust is missing.. end of relationship methinks.. no matter whether the person has cheated or not, if you think they MIGHT, and feel a need to spy on them, then it is not a healthy relationship and best finished with.
I think once a person has been cheated on (or has suspicions about cheating) they will carry those issues into future relationships. They should be aware of this and if it it causes problems they should seek help.
That is a very good point deltic, we should all be aware of the baggage we carry from past hurt.
Oh dear. I an’t see you having much of a future together if you sneak onto her facebook account, and go through her phone when she is not there. You don’t trust her, and she now doesn’t trust you.
Your stated intention to go to her and use her then ditch her is pretty low, I must say. If you don’t want her then tell her it’s over and don’t see her again.