These are common questions for people in your situation. If you are sure that your spouse is cheating on you, I have put together some guidelines to help you figure out what to do next. Here are 5 signs for when to leave a cheating spouse:
1. They make no effort to hide their cheating
If your spouse knows that you know something serious is going on behind your back but does nothing to correct their ways, this is a clear sign that your spouse at some level does not respect you enough. In fact, if your spouse barely works at trying to cover his or her tracks concerning their cheating, it is time for you to immediately start making plans to exit your marriage. Whether your spouse is trying to give you some sort of twisted signal that they are dissatisfied or whether they just have no respect for your feelings or dignity, either way it is time to say bye-bye to the marriage.
2. They have cheated on you with more than one other person
It may be that your spouse has recently come to you to admit that they have been cheating. Or, maybe you have caught them with another lover, directly or through evidence you have found. Either way, you are now likely trying to consider your options. Here is one thing that should sway you in the direction of a divorce: if you find out that your spouse has cheated on you with more than one other person. In other words, if this is the second, third or more time they have been caught cheating, you have a chronic situation going on that is not likely to mend itself, no matter how sorry your spouse may seem to be acting right now.
3. You find out they have cheated on every person they have been with
Similar to #2 above, if you found out that your spouse is a “cheating repeat offender” with most or all of the other people they have been with, that is a sign that you need to take serious steps toward ending your relationship. People who continue to cheat on those who trust them the most have serious issues that will not likely be fixed through one or two sessions of counseling.
4. You find out they were not having safe sex
Spouses who cheat should at least have the presence of mind and caring for their husband or wife that they wear protection or make their other lover wear protection when they are with another person. After all, with the many diseases prevalent in the world today, wearing protection can mean the difference between life and death. If your spouse has skipped this minimal courtesy, you should consider ending the relationship.
5. They show no remorse when caught
If you caught your spouse cheating, directly or indirectly, they should have immediately begun apologizing profusely to you and tried to make it up to you in any way they could. If they did not, you should take it as a sign that they are basically asking for you to let them go or leave them. Or, at the very least, it is a sign that your relationship is in a very unhealthy place.
On the other hand, if you have found out that your spouse has been cheating on you lately but they have not committed any of the violations to your dignity mentioned above, it may be worth giving them a second chance. In the end, only you know the right answer. If you do decide to try to repair your relationship, be sure to arm yourself with the knowledge you need in order to be successful.
About the Author – Susan Willis
Broken hearts and relationships can be mended. Check out this advice from relationship gurus who have helped thousands of others regain their past love at: www.in-your-arms-again.com
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No one is perfect, and I am a believer in second chances. That said, however, I don’t know that a repeat offender is capable of committing. It would certainly be hard to trust again.
I think this was very helpful and thoughtful advice. It must be dreadful to find that you have been treated with such contempt by a spouse.
Justontime,
It is a sad situation to be treated with such contempt and for some, it’s hard to move forward and be true to yourself for some. I say get past it, either dump the trash or move him next door and let him be.
Great advice.
I agree – I’d say that these are very specific signs that repairing the damage done to the relationship is impossible. These are examples of very hurtful behavior, and hopefully anyone in that situation will be able to move on as soon as possible.
I don’t understand any woman who condones cheating at all. However, if there is one rule to follow, it would be if you found out your husband was cheating and was not practicing safe sex. That could become more than heartbreaking, it could be deadly.
Yes, this was very helpful and thoughtful advice but Letting your emotions run high can have disastrous effects. Having a calm mind and clear head is very important in conversations.
Great that someone catagorized all traits that people and dismiss.
Really helpful!
Heretoday is right – Aside from emotional damage, people can literally die from unsafe sex. I’d think even the knowledge that someone risked your health would be very traumatic.
Taggart,
Very true because there was a time when what you didn’t know won’t hurt you but now we know it can kill you. So why do so many people risk their health and for some, those they pretend to love? I just don’t get it.
The first thing he would have to do is show me a lab report clearing him of any infections, STDs, and/or AIDs. He’d also have to shave, to get rid of any crabs, scabies, etc. Then, I’d tell him he was still a dirty skanks and to get lost!
(As Shakespeare said, “Revenge is a dish best eaten cold.”)
I still can’t understand the thinking of people who cheat but don’t care if they get caught. I’d think that they would be happier if they just left the person. Maybe there are financial considerations in play?
some cheat for the thrill, or to prove tothemselves they are still attractive and desirable, or because they are unhappy in their relationships. In all the above cases it is a sign that things are not going well, and as Taggart says, they should just leave.
Trouble is though, with child support and alimony and all the other things that go with it, for many, there just isn’t the option to walk away.
Yes stav, and I guess in different cases that’s the way it could be for all involved – The cheater, the cheated on and the third person in the triangle.
I think some people cheat just because they can, they want to have their cake and eat it. I don’t think they think it through until but by the time they wise up the damage has been done
Those are the ones I would class as the thrill seekers deltic. They just get off on the excitement..
I have just read this article through again and I think this really is good advice. No one can make a decision for you, but this is very balanced well reasoned advice.
I agree deltic, it is good advice she is not telling you what to do but her questions and comments are well balanced.
When you read through the 5 points above you realise that a person who could behave like that cares only about himself. I find it hard to understand how anyone could treat someone they claim to love with such contempt.
justontime, you are right, I hadn’t thought of it in that way before but it is such extreme selfishness that it feels dangerous.