So, it started with a new girl at work. We both play a game of acting jealous. I secretly was really. I told him i would like it if they really didn’t hold many conversations. Skip forward about…3 weeks. It was the day of my best friends wedding. I was a bridesmaid. That day a person from our work came up to me and told me that he was getting a little chummy with her. 5 people confirmed this. I was heartbroken. All he did was merely talk to the girl and i cried. He said he would leave her alone…i believed him.
A couple weeks later i went on a big family vacation with him. Everything was fine. We had gotten over our differences. Now, skip about 3-4 weeks ahead of us getting back from vacation. I was eating dinner over his house one night, he was in the kitchen, i was in the living room. I found his phone and, we always check each others phone and make fun of people when think the other person is cheating, i went to the outbox because all of the inboxes were from me. I found a strange number. I asked who it was. He then got REALLLLLY defensive. He snatched the phone away from me. Told me i was too controlling… We ALWAYS PLAY THAT GAME. Always. I demanded to know what was going on with the phone. The msg said something like ‘where can we meet? i’m in town. then you can tell me the story.’ He told me it was a guy from work. I HATED this guy. He has tried breaking him and i up multiple times. I was really upset.
I got into my car and left…he came outside. I was screaming and crying. I demanded to see the phone again. After i did…i really wish i hadn’t. It was to the girl that i don’t like. I went BONKERS! I then went through all the msges….THERE WERE MORE….Ones saying…I miss you too…We’ll have plenty of opportunities in the future. We can maybe hang out for maybe a whole evening instead of just an hour…I punched him in his nose…it started bleeding…i felt horrible…we sat down and talked about it. He said that she would msg him…! he was polite and responded back to her. He’s said sorry a million times…He loves me BLAH BLAH BLAH. So i said, text that you’ll meet her a the lake (where they met) so you guys can hang out. She said that she she couldn’t do that to me. I was too nice. I responded that it was a trap and good for her for saying that. She then texts me on my phone. Saying that he has been trying to ask her out on multiple occasions…and all this other crap. He denies it all. He said, “YES, I DID LIE TO YOU. BUT I DID NOT ASKED HER OUT ON DATES!”
He then began to tell me that they were texting each other before AND after our vacation. I’m so hurt i don’t know what to believe. They’re both telling me that each other is lying. But…there are holes on both stories…I really love him. We’ve been together for 2 years…As of right now (this happened last night.) we are NOT together. I will never be with a cheater. I’m just so confused…
Hurt’s Plan: Ignore it,Confront my partner,Work it out,Leave my relationship
Advice For Others: Don’t stick your big nose where it doesN’T belong.
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This is a tough one, because you have reason to be suspicious and to mistrust both of their stories. All you can do is kind of let it play out and keep your eyes open.
None of this sounds very healty, including your reaction. I suspect they are both telling lies, you don’t keep texting someone you are not interested in. I think you and he may need some help to deal with this.
I agree with Justontime, if you are going to get beyond this I think you both need some relationship counselling.
Even if you get over this episode, you have issues of trust and anger to address. For what it is worth I also think that they are both telling lies about what happened.
I think you may want to give that relationship some distance. I can see where it would be very trying to try to sort things out among all the lies.
Hurt, I believe that when you are with the right person, they will bring out the BEST in you.
This man brings out the worst in you. You get suspicious and you want him to change that way he is to accommodate your emotional insecurities. That is not healthy for both of you.
When you find the right person, you will not have this problem. You will never have to worry if he’s with someone else. You won’t have to sneak around to find proof and he won’t have to lie to you.
Think about it.
idk what to say i had the same problem i left the guy a lone but now where back together so like all i could say is try to make it work if not tell him stay away from you
gurlfriend kick him to da side you dnt need da drama
Jealousy is more than just a game, it can be destructive and vindictive. If you were secure and felt safe in your relationship you would not get jealous. My husband works with an almost entirely female workforce, and he has several of their numbers and texts fly back and forth all the time.
I don’t look, unless he wants to show me something funny, but i don’t worry about it, because i know it is only me that he loves.
All this screaming and crying is not good for your own well being, and perhaps it’s time to ditch him. He has been lying to you, and would have carried on doing so if you hadn’t caught him. You deserve better.
You aren’t together. He is not as invested as you are and this is destined for more hurt and failure. Get out. Let it hurt, but then move on. Moving forward with this relationship will be disaster, with this gal or someone else.
I especially like the first point made by Imaginary Diva above. I still think if this relationship will work, it will probably be after a soul-searching “rest” from each other.
I’d be very curious to hear what happened, and I hope you’re happy with the results.
Imaginary Diva is spot on with her advice, this man has lost your trust, he does not respect you, don’t settle for that because it is not love.
Jealousy isn’t a game, it’s a sickness. Love, friendship, relationships etc. waste so much bloody time on jealousy. The time would be better spent in making a relationship better.
Firstly, you are acting like a child.
An really? You would make him not talk to someone because YOU do not like them? That is very controlling. When your controlling in a relationship like that, you slowly pushing your partner into doing something recless because they feel thretened.
Im sorry it all went ascrew but really,It is not your place to force someone to not talk to someone. It’s their decision and like a grown up, you should understand it, and let it happen. He cant take care of himself.
Since this has already happened, leave the relationship. He is obviously infatuated and has been for a while. I wouldnt believe any of them and just walk out. You don’t need the drama. You need a relationship
Very well put Imaginary Diva, this sort of jealousy and control is destructive and it has led to serious hurt.
Hopefully she’ll find herself in a more trusting relationship in the future. I think he has some maturing to do as well, as in sorting out what’s appropriate and what’s not.
Maybe he does Taggart, but as Imaginary Diva said she puhed him into doing something reckless by her behaviour.
I think many relationships will experience something that’s tough to deal with, but the successful ones will limit the level of the problems and deal with them in a way that this couple doesn’t seem to be able to, at least at this time.
It seems to me that this is the kind of thing that can lead to violence. You’ve got to chill before something bad happens.
Hopefully this couple will have both learned lessons and will not repeat this behaviour in future rlationships.
MollyL makes a good point. There are lots of times when problems could be avoided if the people involved in the situations would just take a deep breath and relax before speaking to the other person.
I wonder how Hurt’s making out?
You are right Taggart, you can not take back words once you have said them. There is a lot to be said for taking a little time to reflect befor reacting, however hot you feel about a situation.
Yeah, things said in a heated moment can be brought up again for the rest of your life. Some people have a tendency to not filter what they’re about to say, unfortunately.
The problem is that people believe that what people say in a fit of temper is what they really feel but would noy usually put into words.
Unfortunately, all you can really do is keep your eyes open. They have left you plenty of reason to be suspicous, but you don’t really know. Short of a lie detector test, or a straight admission for one or the other, you’re not likely to EVER know.