Okay for a year my life and my kids life was hell.My husband would cuss us and tell me and my kids that theyd be better off if i got in a wreck or was killed somehow.My kids are 15,13,9.My husband works nite shift alot and has a job on the side he works when he gets off his regular job.He had become so jealous of me i couldnt talk to any male.My 15 yr olds bfs i couldnt talk to without being cussed saying i was sleeping with them or our man that comes to spray our house for bugs.I was so miserable i started drinking and taking nerve pills when i knew i had to be with him especially have sex with him.I kept my kids out of school just not to have to be with him in anyway especially sex.Well 2 mths ago a woman messages me on myspace telling me she has been having an affair with him for a year and she loves him and he loved her.He says she told me because she was was mad he ended it with her the day before.I dont know what to do.I cant leave him because im disabled and cant give my kids the life they deserve.Hes never been a good dad..hes a better dad than he ever has been now tho since she told me.I always have put my kids first and never left my kids alone with him because his dad and brithers have been accused of being sexually abused and now now im hearing storis about them doing it to my husbands neices.I cant let my kids be around his family.My husband even let his sister meet this other woman and they all ate supper together while hes coming home to me crying to me telling me im not treating him good and i give too much attention to our kids..all the while hes f*cking me and her.The affair is over but im not sure he wanted it t be really.Ive takin his phone away and gave hi another number he isnt allowed to have text eithe because he was calling and texting her all the time when i thought he was talking to one of his drinking buddies. Somebody please help me.I want to stay in this because my 9 yr old son begged me to until hes older.Ive got to do it for him.I so much want revenge tho id love to go do the same thing to him and laugh in his face i just dont know if i could have my kids look at me knowing i could be as low as him.It would be so good tho and then see how he felt when i would smile when he talked about the person i cheat on him with like he does me.I think he gets turned on knowing it was something exciting he couldnt get caught at.
Her Plan: Revenge
Advice For Others: I cant tell anybody what to do except always listen to your heart.I thought he coul be messing around but my pride got in the way if i would have listened when i first starting having the feeling he was then all this would have ened when it started.
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Marla,your problems can’t be helped by drinking and taking “nerve pills”. You can’t protect your kids if you’re in that state.
If you even suspect that your husband might want to abuse your kids, what are you doing there still? The “kind of life your kids deserve”is certainly not what they are in now! You need to explore all your options, as in welfare, housing, and help for women and kids in abusive relationships. Most states have some kind of help for women and kids. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your kids out of there. Their welfare should be #1 with you.
Marla, HereToday has given you some good advice. Please stop fcussing on revenge and put all your effort into protecting your kids and rebuilding your life.
sorry I meant to write ‘focussing’
There is one step you absolutely must take, and that is to protect your kids from sexual abuse.
When was the accusation made about the sexual abuse in your husband’s family? Is your local social service or child protective service aware of the accusation?
If that accusation was strong enough, it may be the opportunity you need to end your suffering, and prevent your children from suffering at the hands of your husband and his family.
Sagemother yes the abuse has been looked into but they cant seem to get enouugh evidence.My husbands sister is in her 40s and she wont come forward she did once when she was a teen but now she wont so I jus give up.My son is 9 Ive lived threw this for 16 years I can keep on until he gets atleast 16.My husband is better right now hes treating me better than he ever has since we been married its been 3 mths since I found out of his affair so its been confusing but so much relief that me and my kids are living a more peaceful life at the moment.I will stay no matter what to protect them.I know I did wrong by not showing him much attention for almost a year so Im thinking MAYBE I could have prevented this.He told me he was sorry but he said he would have never done it if I would have had sex with him often and showed him attention.I dont know if thats true or just and excuse,Im just trusting God to give me the answers I need.
You may not have been the perfect wife, but you have hardly had the perfect circumstances to feel loved and wanted. Stop blaming yourself, he is responsible for his actions and for the choices he makes, don’t let him blame you for what he does.
Some reason i cant get the thoughts of when it began out of my mind she says may 2008 and he says august 2008 but that shes the one that kept calling him and not taking him being married as an answer so now i want the phone bills so i can see who started what and if it did start in may.He dont want me to get them but he says its becaus he dont want us to waste the money to get them but to me i need them so i can determine if all his swears hes been telling me since i found out meant anything.Am i wrong to want the phone records? even if the cost 20 dollars for every month i ask for? Sometimes i feel i cant keep going on with all the thoughts of him lying to me and still having sex with me and her although he says he only slept with her maybe 20 times if even that but i know he talked to her alot on the phone and at work so ppl could see them.I need to knw who im married to
Marla, that sounds like a very difficult situation to deal with. I agree with the above advice that having drinks and pills could reduce your effectiveness in dealing with this.
Until such a time when a move could be made, I’d suggest that whatever you can do to avoid confrontations with him would be good planning.
The most important thing is to look after yourself and protect those who depend on you. To do that you must be sober and thinking straight. Take care.
Hey Marla, I think we’d all like to hear how you’re doing.
Hopefully the support and advice offered here has been a source of comfort and strength. I realize you’re in a very difficult situation.
I just wanted to point out that whoever posted as justontime on July 25th it wasn’t me. I have been using that user name on this site for a long time, but someone else may have decided to cause confusion by using the same name.
That is very odd justontime. I looked at the post and it is ‘not in your voice’ but I don’t see why someone would borrow your user name.
Taggart hi.
Im still confused and have no clue what to believe when he says hes never going to cheat again and he never wanted to and the whole time he was he really wanted to be with me not her I just dont understand.It would make me feel alot better if it was true.I didnt give him sex alot because I knew someone something was wrong.I felt nasty when he tried.Now I do have sex with him although I wonder by me doing that it just gives him a reward for cheating.He got to be with me 16 yrs and then a woman 7 yrs older than him for a year and me at the same time and no consequences hes still with me.Oh by the way I seen her a couple weeks ago at walmart it was like a spit in the face.
thanks for being concerned
Kernow is absolutely right. You need to do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and your children, and to do that, you have to be clean and clear.
I’m coming in a bit late in the game, but I want to add my voice to those telling you to think of your kids first.
I agree with the others who have advised you to look out for your children first. They must be your first priority because you are (really) all they have.
Revenge will not make you feel better… As the others have said, just take care of yourself and your kids..
As for seeing the other woman in public, ironically I think most people would think that she should be the one with the reason to be uncomfortable, not the spouse.
Stav is right about revenge not being a good idea. Hold your head high and make life as good as you can for you and your children.
I agree with deltic and stav. I think most of us know examples of people who focus on positive rather than negative energy, and they are happier for it. I’m sure it can be challenging at times.
Focussing on positive will be a victory of sorts anyway. Show them that you can manage well enough, and don’t need them.
That is right living your life well is a victory for you and it sends a very clear signal that he couldn’t destroy your life. Just focus on one step at a time.
Hopefully Marla’s taking the high road. I wonder how she’s doing?
I think over time the tendency to want revenge may lessen as she gets on with her life in a positive way.