17 Responses

• justontime on July 28th, 2009 at 7:29 am

  The short answere Kristine is yes, you are being selfish. His children have to come first every time and if you can’t deal with that he is not the man for you.

• kernow on July 29th, 2009 at 12:19 am

  What sort of man would he be if he didn’t put his children first? If you can’t support him in that you are not the right person for him and he would always resent you for it.

• justontime on July 29th, 2009 at 12:26 am

  You have to also accept that they will come first in terms of his finances too. He will have to pay a lot of child support until the children are independent adults. If you want a relationship with this man you will have to accept that their financial needs will come before yours.

• deltic on August 5th, 2009 at 2:10 pm

  The problem is that children are not a part time responsibility. They need parents who will love and support them full time and always put them first. If you try to stop this man spending time with his son and doing what’s right, he will resent you for ever.

• kernow on August 6th, 2009 at 3:16 am

  Well put Deltic. It sounds to me that this man is doing his best to be a good dad, you should respect him for that.

• Taggart on August 7th, 2009 at 4:32 am

  I agree if you’re interested in the man, you have to have an interest in the children too and at least understand their need to spend time with their father.

• justontime on August 7th, 2009 at 5:45 pm

  Well put Taggart. Also if you have a long term relationship woth the father you have to carve out a role for yourself with the children. Assuming that their mother is still part of their lives, they don’t need another parent (even if you could do it better) so you need to find a different role.

• Taggart on August 8th, 2009 at 6:11 am

  I think some people make the mistake of trying too hard initially after being introduced as the new love interest. I’ve seen children become distant with their parents as a new significant other was introduced into the family mix.

• deltic on August 8th, 2009 at 11:22 am

  I think the parent would be very wise to wait until they are sure that the relationship will be a lasting one before gradually introducing the new partner. It is unfair to play with children’s feelings. The new partner would be wise to take things very slowly and ensure that the parent still has plenty of time with just him or her and the kids.

• chris1203 on August 14th, 2009 at 8:39 pm

  I agree that his children must come first and you need to either find some way to accept that or move on to someone else. Would you really respect him if he “dumped” his kids because of you?

• kernow on August 15th, 2009 at 3:58 am

  You can’t fit good parenting in to a timetable. If the child wants his dad there to support him in his sports activities, don’t stand in his way and don’t make him choose between you and his child. Even if he chose you, which I doubt, he would resent you forever.

• justontime on August 15th, 2009 at 4:27 am

  That is good advice Kernow, I think perhaps you need to be a parent yourself to really understand how important these things are to a child.

• deltic on August 15th, 2009 at 4:30 am

  It seems that this man is trying to be a good dad and he and his ex seem to be putting the child’s needs first, please don’t ruin that.

• Hosea on September 16th, 2009 at 6:12 am

  Hate to sound like a broken record with everybody else, but yeah … the kids come first. The new relationship comes second. Sorry.

• T on October 19th, 2009 at 6:20 pm

  I don’t know why any woman would want to take any man over their children. What can this man have that is more important other than sleeping with you and making a fool out of you. Do not sacrifice the relationship with your children for this man.

• stav on October 24th, 2009 at 11:27 am

  His children will always come first with him, so you will have to get used to it.

  Instead of staying at home and festering resentment… why not go with him sometimes? He surely won’t object in you taking an interest in his children, and who knows, you might enjoy it!

• deltic on January 28th, 2010 at 2:16 pm

  I would be interested to know how this worked out. I hope Kristine understands that he is absolutely right to put his children first. Would you really want to be with a man who couldn’t make time fore his kids.