Comments on: Surviving Infidelity: Why Do Affairs Start?

By: Taggart

Taggart — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 21:58:24 +0000

I think it’s a very interesting subject although it’s often painful for a lot of people. I also find it amazing how some people either consciously or subconsciously set themselves up to get caught.

By: kernow

kernow — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 17:45:29 +0000

I agree with you too Taggart, the routes into an affair are varied and often complex.

By: deltic

deltic — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 17:30:12 +0000

A thoughtful observation Taggart, I tend to agree with you, about the various reasons and routes to cheating.

By: Taggart

Taggart — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 13:15:32 +0000

I agree that there are many reasons that people cheat, just based on cases I’ve know in my social circle. Some people of both sexes seem predisposed to it for some reason, while others seem against it morally but may fall to the temptation fueled by other complex factors over time. I think it’s very helpful to hear about cases like the one that x shared with us above. I hope that she resolves her situation as well as she can.

By: Justontime

Justontime — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 15:11:23 +0000

You are right heretoday, communication is very important and we should all make a big effort to maintain good communication.

By: heretoday

heretoday — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 20:27:22 +0000

There are as many reasons for infidelity as there are people, I think. I also think that “there are three sides to every story” is a good way to put it. Communication breakdown, in whatever form, is the first thing that happens. We must all try to keep that very important factor forefront in our spousal relations.

By: Justontime

Justontime — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:46:11 +0000

That was a very sensible and down to earth look at the reasons an affair starts. I don’t think it is the whole picture, I think opportunity and circumstance play a part and I really do think that some people stumble into an affair because they haven’t thought carefully about what their banter and flirting is leading to.

By: x

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:00:56 +0000

in love with husband. Dying of guilt from extramarital affair because I broke his heart but only AFTER I thought he would NEVER love me (bc he said that to me and did many humiliating, hurtful and disrespectful things to me before and during our marriage). Over the course of 13 years I developed what I thought was a TRUE, PURE, GENUINE FRIENDSHIP. After 10 years we slept together. It was not planned. Our relationship ahas gone down hill since then AND my husband found out. It KILLS me to see that I hurt him and broke his heart, especially bc I NEVER knew he loved me. There were quite a few times in the course of our marriage that he never even came home. He even missed our sons 7th birthday party. My ex lover/friend has “disappeared” and BROKE my heart bc he means so much to me (as a friend). My heart is broken bc he knows me VERY well- as well as my husband, and even knowing some of the difficult things I’ve been through and how difficult it is for me to trust ANYONE, even my best friends and parents, he still used me sexually. I tried desperately to validate the sex bc I didn’t want to believe that he could/would ever USE me or hurt me, only to be kicked to the curb. I would have given anything to hit rewind and go back to a time before we slept together bc our FRIENDSHIP ALWAYS meant more to me. My husband is an INCREDIBLE man but we have had to work through some very difficult times and some of those times he turned to alcohol instead of me. In the end, we have grown together and make an amazing team. We have known each other since we were 12. I have always loved him and believed in him. I’ve stood by his side and supported him emotionally and financially at the beginning (1st 10 yrs) of our relationship and I’ve HAPPILY watched him grow from a smart mouth, freeloading, punk, to a kind hearted, loving, dedicated fater, friend, son, brother and NOW even a PERFECT husband. I have tried to let go of my ex but it kills me inside to let go of someone whom I thought was a genuine, fun, compassionate, loving friend. We had amazing chemistry and I THOUGHT a special understanding of one another. I was falling in love with him and since I HONESTLY believed my husband was not happy or wanting to be “tied down” to me (we got pregnant in college and had 2 babies by 23, I worried I might lose him AND my now ex. I have been DYING inside over this in AGONIZING pain for years, along with many other hurtful, heartbreaking experiances going back to childhood. Now I feel sick with apprehension bc I think my ex is actually my husbands cousin and that they both KNOWINGLY, set me up, used me and broke my heart. Side note- Once I thought my ex and I were developing Genuine feelings for each other I got scared and pulled back for a little bc I HAVE ALWAYS wanted my HUSBAND to be my Knight in shinning armor, my best friend and PROTECTOR however he did NOT seem interested in that roll and I GENUINELY started to love my ex and didn’t want to lose him if my husband didn’t want me. Now I am feeling completely DESTROYED that I PROBABLY NEVER MATTERED to either of the 2 men I have loved and trusted more than anyone. I still love my ex DEEPLY (as a friend) and I am still IN love more than ever with my husband but SO BROKEN by BOTH of them.