Comments on: Marriage Counseling for Infidelity Recovery

By: kernow

kernow — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 07:16:56 +0000

If we as a couple have faced the issues and made promises to each other about a new start, that would be enough for me.

By: deltic

deltic — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 07:10:01 +0000

Justontime I am glad someone else understands what I mean. I didn’t want a fancy ceremony when we got married, so I certainly wouldn’t want a formal ritual to mark a new start.

By: justontime

justontime — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:26:59 +0000

I must admit I have never been one for making a big deal of things. I hate formality and I avoid ritual at all costs.

By: deltic

deltic — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:24:40 +0000

Rituals mean nothing to me, promises do, but I do not need a ritual or ceremony to validate that promise or commitment.

By: Taggart

Taggart — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:28:56 +0000

Referring to Sagemother’s suggestion about rituals, I wonder if some people use a second wedding or a renewal of vows as a ritual to acknowledge getting over a difficult time like an infidelity?

I think that may work for some couples.

By: Justontime

Justontime — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:53:36 +0000

Thanks SageMother you put it better than I could, I am glad you could understand what I was trying to say.

By: SageMother

SageMother — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 20:14:44 +0000

Justontime, I agree.

The professional will find ways to justify their existence, often, by making suggestions that have nothing to do with the couple in question, but everything to do with theories.

Heretoday,
The ritual is formal because it is a personal announcement for the couple and onlookers, that should include any ex lovers thinking about horning back in, later on. The words have to be unusual enough that the brain sees them as something other than the usual background noise of daily life.

The presence of witnesses is a tool toward changing behavior. While some might feel comfortable giving in to temptation later on, many people would be inhibited knowing that a room full of people heard them take a vow of change and rebirth.

By: Justontime

Justontime — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:53:48 +0000

I really dislike the way that people want to professionalise everything. I think tht it is possible to rebuild a relationshap after a betrayal and the chances of success deprnd more on the commitment of each partner rather than the involvement of a professional. Different things work for different people, I would hate to be stuck on some sort of professional conveyor belt as outlined above, but I would be willing to adapt some of the ideas for our own use.

By: heretoday

heretoday — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:53:07 +0000

I really like the idea of the sacred space, the heart salute, and SageMother’s excellent idea.
The ritual of rebirth can be agreed upon by the couple, and enacted once, or more if needed.
I don’t think a Sacred Space area really needs to be marked off, just established. I also don’t think there has to be such a rigid order of speaking. The best, truest healing, I think, can occur in silence. The heart salute, used in and of itself, is a healing ritual.

By: Justontime

Justontime — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 20:03:39 +0000

SageMother you made an interesting point about ritual, but I am not sure how it would be possible to mark that particular milestone.