All right. This hurts. I have been married for 15 years. My husband went to Ireland to work because he could not get work here in his field of expertise. He has spend there 4 years.
He came occassionally to US to visit me, and we kept constant communication by phones and e-mails.
Two years ago he told me he rented a room at an old and fat and ugly woman and because she was not able to do too much he was cleaning and cooking for her also.
I learnt yesterday , by mere accident, that he is living with her, she is not fat and ugly either, just average. He bought a house and put half in her name, a car and half in her name, etc.
I confronted him and he tells me “what is wrong with loving more than one person?” and he does not want to get a divorce…
I am sad, betrayed and confused. Please let me knowwhat you think, particularly about the fact that she knows he is married and she also knows that he is not divorced from me and that he comes often to visit here.
Bernice (thanks to all of you!)
Her Plan: Leave my relationship
Advice For Others: Live and learn….sadly for all of us!
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I’m sorry to hear about your situation, Bernice. Obviously she’s an example of someone who doesn’t care if she’s involved with an attached person.
I’m sure there are people who have thought a lot about alternate lifestyles and made their choices, but from the little that I know about this woman, I’d say she’s being opportunistic in this case.
Well, it seems like you are blaming the woman for knowing that he was still married to you. She really has very little to do with it. You should be blaming him.
I agree with chris above – Ultimately it’s him you’re dealing with. Unfortunately with any relationship, there will always be other third parties willing to become involved like this.
Wow.
I can’t find the words to express how I felt. Reading your story made me angry with your “husband” and I sure wish I could help you out.
Have you talked to an attorney?
In your shoes, I’d ignore his desire to stay married and start getting set up to take what is rightfully mine from the marriage, without giving him anymore time to hide assets or make excuses.
Over the years I have put up with a lot from my wife’s infidelities, but never anything like this! In my mind the betrayal reaches a whole new level when it starts involving property, because at that point the unfaithful spouse is posing a direct risk to his (primary) home and family. Only one question before I join the the others who say you should talk to a lawyer: Do you have kids?
Hosea poses an excellent question regarding kids, and people who contribute financially or do work for a relationship shouldn’t be undermined by the couple’s resources going to support another relationship.
So he said “what is wrong with loving more than one person?” If he really thought there was nothing wrong with it, why did he lie about it and hide it from you? Don’t waste your anger on the woman, it is your husband who has let you down big style. Get legal advice as soon as you can.
Your situation left me speechless. I am so sorry that he has done this to you. It sounds as if he has been busy diverting money and just keeping you sweet because he didn’t want the expense and inconvenience of a divirce. Be strong, see a lawyer very soon.
You are in a horrible situation, I’m sorry. I think he has tried his best to protect himself from a divorce. You need some good advice quickly.
You’re in the States and he is in Ireland? Use that time to consolidate your position. When he gets back, kick him out.
I agree with your plan to leave the relationship. I hope that you’ll be able to get excellent, affordable legal help. I think in many cases that’s a problem.
This a cold and calculated betrayal. He has done his best to protect his assets. You need to keep calm and get advice so that you can get the best possible divorce settlement.
Don’t be afraid to consult some books that will help you to protect yourself. Better informed is forearmed.
I think books could help in different ways. For legal matters, I’d suggest reading about the law in the areas involved, and I would think I’d probably need a bit of help with the interpretation if the text was too legally technical.
Also in dealing with betrayal, I’m sure there are self-help books to assist people in dealing with unfortunate things like that.
Books on the legal issues would be useful, but this man has been clever and he has his assets in a different country. I think this needs professional help, there could be a lot to lose.
I’m sorry about this betrayal. I agree with Just on time I hope (since I see this post was awhile ago) that you found some helpful assistance so you could get a good divorce settlement. That sucks. What a louse.It amazes me the excuses these guys come up with for their actions.Yiu deserve better and only women with low self esteem allow their men to cheat on them and stand by and watch.Come back and give us an update.
Part of the issue that I was thinking about was the fact that he was in another country. I don’t know how things would work legally because of that, but I think it would be worth looking into.
This was such a sad sutuation, blatant betrayal like that must be so hurtful. I hope Bernice has been able to move on with her life now. One day he will come to regret what he has done.