You’ve suspected it for a long time. It didn’t take a private investigator for him to confess what you knew all along: Your husband had an affair. But he says it’s over and he’s sorry. He’ll do whatever it takes for you to forgive him. But you don’t want to.

Infidelity is the biggest destroyer of families. It leaves everyone in its path suffering: The spouse who was betrayed, the kids who feel that they are to blame, and friends and family who strive to bring at least a little peace to the survivors.

But painful as it is, therapists say that it can be healed.

- Both spouses must work as a team. The unfaithful must be willing to end the affair and gain the trust of his other half back, no matter what the cost. The faithful one must be prepared to manage the outpouring of mixed emotions (shock, anger, intense sadness, depression). – Both may feel that the marriage will never work out, especially when something reminds you of the affair. Keep in mind that it’s normal to feel discouraged. Eventually, these will lessen over time. – Honesty is still the best policy. If the faithful is the type of person who wants answers, then the unfaithful must be willing to answer, even though the guilt and remorse kills. Telling the truth helps. – Discuss if there is anything lacking in the marriage for it to lead to a partner’s infidelity. Was there a lack of intimacy? Were there communication problems? Both parties should address their feelings openly and honestly before they can make any changes. – The erring spouse must be willing to show that he really is sorry for what he has done. He must tell his spouse that he will never do it again. The intention to be monogamous is not obvious to her, especially in the early stages. Tell her time and time again that it will work this time. – Talk about difficulties without discussing painful things and spend time together. Take a walk, go see a movie – discussion-less activities that will be a breather for both. – Forgiveness. The last step in the healing process is also the most painful. The faithful must forgive the sinner. The unfaithful must forgive himself. This is the key to real intimacy and connection.

The healing process doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient. As each step is made, both of you become new and better persons, ready to face love and commitment the second time around.

About the Author – Jaclyn Neils Samonte

Healing infidelity is a lot of hard work. Know more on recovering from infidelity by clicking on the links.