I found out that my ex was cheating on his girlfriend with me, and that really hurt because I did like him. This is what happened, where I found pictures on facebook of him and his girlfriend. I confronted him and asked him who this person is, where he lied and texted me back saying it his best friend. So why say your best friend died in January? Apparently he has a lot of female friends who he calls best friends and I find that quite weird. Up until I dumped him, I never met his friends, and when I met his sister I had to pretend to be his friend. To make things more interesting, he was talking to me once on the phone and slipped saying he had to call his girl____, like what? I stayed quiet and there was ackward silence, and I should have dumped him then. However, I don’t know why but I wanted proof because he is the first guy I did have feelings for. So after sending him the picture of him and his girlfriend, I looked more closely at the pictures and clearly he lied about going out for new year’s eve. However, a friend of mine gave me another profile to look into to find more proof that it in fact was his girlfriend. Well, the pictures said everything where there was a picture of them kissing at a party. I sent him an ending letter with that picture put in the file, and messaged the girl about him cheating. From then, I have not bothered to call, hear or see him. He never thought I would figure it out and could have the best of both worlds.
So, its been over a month an will be 2 months since I dumped him. However, I just keep wondering if I did the right thing telling his girlfriend about him cheating. It wasn’t revenge and I just wanted her to know about his dishonesty. He got angry that I told the girlfriend through facebook and impersonated police to scare me. So, I am going to guess she is still with him, but that is not the point. Did I do the right thing and will that affect her? He is one lying, cheating bastard that really deserves no one.
I don’t want to get back with him and he will never get another chance with me.
Her Plan: Ignore it,Leave my relationship
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I found out today that my boyfriend is cheating on me. I went on his face book in box and saw a couple of messages from two different girls. I was shock and hurt. I was crying, but I didn’t let him see me crying. My head is hurting me right now I guess I am a little scared to confront him. He is the one that is cheating not me so what the hell am I scared? We have been together for over two years and I invested a lot into our relationship this is the first real relationship that I have ever had. I just want to know what to do now I guess I have to ask him about these two girls huh? I just cant believe it. Its weird how things turn out you give someone everything your heart,love,money I cook for him everything and yet that wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t even the sex because we have great sex, so I don’t know what the problem is why hes cheating on me. what should I do, I really need help on this
Thanks
6/2/09
Anna, I think you did the right thing by getting rid of him. He sounds very dishonest, and it would be hard to build a solid relationship with someone like that.
Plus, it could be a very positive thing that you gave his other girlfriend the heads up.
I think that you did the right thing in telling his girlfriend about his cheating ways. It sounds like you weren’t doing it for revenge, but to help her out and that’s always positive!
Hi Jody… Sorry I don’t think I saw your post initially. I think it’s the right move to talk to him about it.
I don’t suppose there’s a possibility of a misunderstanding? I don’t know exactly what the messages were…
I hope you resolve the problem and feel better soon.
Letting all interested parties know what you found out is a good thing.
He shouldn’t be allowed to continue his behavior without consequences.
Thank you because I had some people tell me that I shouldn’t tell her because it is her business with him. However,I felt that it was something she really had to know because I believe she is going to be the one hurting more from this. I don’t feel hurt anymore, but I do feel good telling the girlfriend because it would be something I wanted if I was her. It is expected she doesn’t believe me after I sent her that message to and to deny the message. I am glad to have the support of others around me because one of my friends told me many women don’t tell the other party and just leave. I was scared to tell her, but I am glad I did tell her.Even though she does not know me, I think that each woman deserves to know the truth.You can’t have a relationship with a man like that and its her choice to stay.He is not happy I beat him to his game and that he can’t control me.I understand what my mom told me about him wanting his revenge so he could dump me in style. So his attempts to call me was only to get me back and then dump me. I rather be single than be with someone who I can’t trust.
Anna, your last line sums it up pretty well I think.
Actually, I think it’s surprising that someone trying to cheat like that would put so much information on Facebook – But that worked out for the best.
Anna, who told you that you should not inform the girlfriend?
Honestly, if I had friends who told me to keep the news to myself, I’d be very suspicious of them, and would probably end those friendships as well!
You did the right thing!
Yea, i found my boyfriend was cheating on facebook last night too. I found messages in his inbox as fresh as from saturday night asking girls for their numbers, to take then out and stuff. I feel like i invaded his privacy by checking his inbox, what should i do? I n the mean while , i copied all th messages into a document and was thinking about sending them all to him. Any advices?..I am really hurt and in shock right now.
I can imagine that there are some people we wouldn’t necessarily want to tell about cheating, depending on how dramatic or potentially dangerous the situation could become. Aside from that I’d say it’s a positive action in the long run.
Anna, you did a right thing by telling her. She needs to know the kind of person that he really is. Now, if you told her and she don’t believe you that is on her you did your job. I am glad you are feeling better.
This whole facebook thing I believe is tearing couples relationship apart. I confronted my boyfriend about the message in his box and he was very upset that I went in his box. I think he was upset at the fact that I found out that he was talking to other girls. We got into A HUGE argument and I cuss him out. Maybe that wasn’t the right way to handle all this Drama, but I had to tell him whats on my mind after all the things I have done for him. He will Never find another women like me. I am fine now.
Hi Traci, when I went into my bf in box I felt that i was invading his privacy as well. Its better to find out NOW than not find out at all that’s what i said to myself. Ok, so what if you never checked his in box and then he met up with these girls huh? then what…..
(I think you should confront him about it) or you can ignore it the Choice is up to you. Remember if men cheat once guarantee they will cheat again. Men tell lies so… hes probably going to tell you something like “We are just friends” some BS like that . Whether you choose to believe him its on you. Good luck I know it hurts
Jody
I agree with Jody about confronting him again about the situation, particularly why he said that his friend was dead if she wasn’t.
On the other hand it sounds like you’re not interested in him any more, so maybe you don’t need any further closure?
It is wrong to invade someones privacy unless your 100% sure there cheating.but if we were 100% sure we wouldnt need to check someones inbox would we.but if u have a strong feeling somethings up then most likely it is so it will be justified. If it turns out the other party is innocent i think then u should admit to the other person u invaded there privacy just to balance things out..lol
as for facebook it just makes it to easy to cheat. it puts temptations out there that as normal human beings we arent accustomed to having. The lesser options we have the more we appreciate what we have. Like rare things in life. Facebook takes that all away and gives most people temptations. Facebook screwed up my life, gave my ex a window of opportunity..before facebook she was a better person, since she signed up it was downhill after finding pics of her cheating on me.now months on and i cant resist but to look at her site and see more guys with her. Normaly in life we’d be able to move on without these things in our faces.but its just to easy to take a peek specialy when were vulnerable.
Hopefuly people start to realise how bad facebook is..its not as innocent as it seems
Men like variety, and women are possessive of their men. You could be the perfect girlfriend, great sex, laid back, NOT INSECURE, and given the opportunity a good 95% of men would still have sex with someone else on the slick because in the male mind liking variety and caring about a girlfriend are not mutually exclusive. Further more, if this archetypal male has things like a high social status and/or a good amount of money, you can expect him to sleep with lots and lots of other women instead of just every now and then, because the reason men aspire to high social status and riches is that more and prettier women will have sex with them, the rest is just window dressing, to the point that you can expect the vast majority of politicians and business executives to have either a mistress or a rolodex of good call girls (which are very different types of cheating, hell, under the Victorian standard of marriage women tolerated prostitutes and men used them because it was improper to ask a respectable middle class wife to satisfy a man’s carnal fantasies, thats what whores were for). Women cheat almost as often as men, if not in parity, but they are better at not getting caught and usually have different motivations. For the male, its entirely about the act, 5 minutes later the side piece may well as not exist. Women cheat, but usually they only start cheating when the guy they are with has started to disappoint them in some way or another (which happens almost always, I think >50% of marriages end in divorce, and 75% of divorce is initiated by the woman -US numbers anyway ) They will cheat with the same person over and over and develop emotional ties, and this person will almost always be a trade up in social status/cashflow over the guy being cheated on, if not then it comes down to sexual prowess. The other source is always ex’s for girls, because that way their ‘number’ doesn’t change.
I think the biggest disconnect between the genders is when men cheat, on average it has nothing at all to do with how they feel about their girlfriend, and when women cheat, it has everything to do with how they feel about their current boyfriend.
I think ending it swiftly and making the facts known to those who may have needed to know was the right thing to do. It was also wise to forget him and get on with your life after that.
You did exactly the right thing, don’t keep going over and over it in your head. Put it behind you and enjoy time with your friends, he is not worth wasting your time on.
Regarding what Harris said about inboxes, I think it’s entirely possible to find incriminating pictures on Facebook just by looking at someone’s album or wall. This has been an issue in the past when people have questionable content online when they’re applying for a job, too.
It is surprising how much you can find out about someone’s internet activity, and you don’t need to be a computer expert to do it.
yeah you did i remeber this summer me in this boy were dating i mean it was cool for a while then i went to new york he didnt pay his phone bill so when i got a hold to him i asked him wats up in stuff like dhat well me n him said we had nuttin to hide in stuff so one day i went on his page in i saw a message from his ex gurl friend in it said sum nasty stuff so i asked him about it he lied about it in stuff i left it alone den the gurl wrote me talkin stuff i was mad in i left him so in my case me in him back together so i think what you did was wrong because just like dhat gurl i cant trust him
Why would you tell his gf? Sounds like nothing but revenge to me no matter which way you put it. You should have just left it alone and let karma work itself out. Anyway, if I were you, I would have been done the second he said he had to call his girl. What’s wrong with people! You make it sound like he was one bad thing after another. Sorry, but all the signs were right in your face and you didn’t make the smartest decision by staying with him through all that.
I just noticed “Anon”’s post. There is obviously no way that this person could back up “a good 95%” figure considering the difficulty in getting accurate statistics on something that most people go to great lengths to conceal.
Anna, no matter what else might be said about this guy, he’s a stupid individual and you are better off to be rid of him.
Hey girl I found mine was cheating thru myspace pictures and everything he denied it for months.. then i emailed her everything. In turn we broke up thankgod we did!!!!! He was emotionally abusive but I told her in an email and she still is with him! She is insane oh well.. what can i say I told her to save her heartache. Guess she thinks she can change him!