A woman or man in search of love thinks they have just found the perfect person that they think they may want to spend the rest of their life with. It is that feeling in your gut that you get when that special someone touches all your good buttons making you go into total disarray because you just can’t believe how much he or she dots your “I” and crosses your “T”. This is the one, so often we find ourselves saying as we mentally check off our mental checklist of those things we told ourselves a long time ago that we wanted in a significant other.
As the courtship continues, we begin to become concern because there is just no flaws that we can find about this person and innately we begin quizzing ourselves to make sure we are not jumping too fast, We even go as far as to say maybe I am so desperate to find someone that I may be vulnerable at this moment in time and the woman or man that I am currently seeing is feeding my vulnerabilities.
We even question our taste in women and men just to serve as a sanity check to validate our serenity and sanity. Face it, when something is too good to be true, it sometimes is and it sometimes isn’t and the next question that you may ask yourself besides what is wrong with this person that I am not allowing myself to see through because I like the way I feel right now or am I that person that ends up on television as an unsolved mystery because I ended up with a serial killer, a rapist, married man, or an escape convict.
Trust is very important going into a relationship, but sometimes that trust can bite you really hard. Is it ethical to do a little research on a person you think you may want to spend the rest of your life with? Yes and no. Yes from the standpoint that from a personal standpoint you are stating that you don’t take his or her word of mouth when he or she says that they are this and that and have never done this or that etc…..No, from the standpoint that protecting oneself is your number one rule as looking out for you is more important than anything in this world as the saying goes, if I don’t who will. Of course, once you are married, that saying is no longer valid as your spouse is suppose to take on that responsibility.
Friendly people search is something that we all do on a regular basis when we are looking for someone and background checks is something we do as well as we are trying to find some real answers about someone. Face it, sometimes people put out a false perception of themselves because they just do not want you to see who they really are underneath the mask. So what you end up with on a first date for example is a perfect gentlemen or a perfect lady, who in your eyes can’t get any more perfect and can’t do no wrong.
My advice to you is to do whatever it takes to protect yourself as sometimes perfection has a twin that is ready to break free and run wild. If you just happened to be at your computer and typed in free people search and just happened to type in the name of the person you are currently dealing with, what is wrong with you just happening to come across a history that may make you feel two inches big because you were wrong or sad because you just found out that the love of your life is married, has two kids, and is not the guy or gal they say they were.
At least if you feel two inches big, that is one moment in your life when you just do not care as now you know you are not that percent that ends up on unsolved mysteries. If you are sad, then you know that you are not that percent that ends up on unsolved mysteries or finds out three years into your marriage that the man or woman you loved has been living a double life, is an escape convict, or worst a serial killer. Most importantly, you just protected yourself and should be commended for your intuitive action.
Protecting yourself from harm is your God giving right and conducting a people search is a way to cut through the masks and find out more about the mystery man or woman that just entered your life. The worst thing that could happen in conducting a background check is that you are wrong and at this point your actions are vindicated because you have just given yourself probable cause to do what you just did and that is search for a friend.
If you are curious or are searching for a friend or loved one, go to http://www.friendly-people-search.org and conduct a free people search. The answers you seek are right here for free.
About the Author – Jermaine Sutton
I am a US Army Captain with 13 years of active service to my country and am married with two daughters. I hold a BS in Psychology and an MBA in Technology Management.
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I can see the reasons that people would do that, but I would feel “dirty” conducting such a background check on someone that I was dating. I don’t think that I could do this and feel good about myself.
This is kinda of tricky. People are advised to make their partners get aids testing before starting relationships. A background check is just another form of testing. This is another way of getting information that you normally would not have had access to.
I guess the difference is that the other person knows that the testing is being done.
One could argue that not knowning the outcome of aids testing could be very harmful. But not knowing the outcome of a background check could also be life threatening.
If you feel that strongly about it, let the other person know that you are doing it. Any type of premarital precautions such as prenups, testing or background checks may offend the other party. However, you have to decide if it is worth it.
I agree that it is a touchy subject. If the person discovered that a check was done and had given no reason to be doubted, I can see that causing some very bad feelings.
On the other hand, that sort of thing would have really helped other people out of difficult situations.
This is a quandry for many. I guess whether one finds a background check moral depends on how they view marriage, assuming that is the goal of dating.
Some people don’t base marriage on the romantic aspects of the relationship, but shift their thoughts to the “business end” of marriage. In some cases, this might be the smarter approach.
If you’d do a background check on a potential business partner….
SageMother makes an interesting point. I’d add that her logic probably also applies to people who aren’t planning on marriage, although legally there may be different issues.