“Is it me?
Is it because I didn’t pay enough attention to him?
Is it something I said? Something I didn’t say?
I squeezed the wrong side of the toothpaste?
What…. What…. Just tell me and I’ll fix it. Just don’t go.”
I could sit here all day and over analyze what could have prevented him from straying.
I could sit here all day and think of all the things I could have done better.
I could sit here all day and waste time that I don’t have on a man that’s not worth another minute of thought.
But, what if it really isn’t his fault? What if, just like we can’t control the color of our skin or the color of our eyes, his actions are a product of a his genetic coding … one that’s gone very wrong somewhere along the way.
“hi my name is sharon. if you have the AVPR1A 334 allele mutation, i’m not interested.”
Medical researchers have discovered that The AVPR1A gene contains a brain hormone (protein) that directly affects monogamy. “Homozygosity in allele 334 of RS3 is associated in men (but not women) with problems with pair-bonding behavior, measured by traits such as partner bonding, perceived marital problems, marital status, as well as spousal perception of marital quality.” – Wikipedia.
Two out of five men carry this gene variant.
It has been documented in several studies that men carrying one or two of copies of the 334 allele version are less likely to be married or will be scored lower by their partners for the strength of the relationship. Men that carry two copies are likely to be twice more inclined to have a marital crisis and sexual dissatisfaction in a monogamous commitment.
Sure…. genetics play a big role in who we are today but is this enough reason to come up with another excuse to hide behind instead of confronting the real issue. Men have a choice. They have a choice to be faithful to their partners, just like they have a choice to cheat.
Why should we accept their bad judgement as our responsibility?
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I have never heard of this, but I would have to see a lot of proof before I believed in its existence.
I haven’t heard of that study either. I think in general it would be very challenging to accurately study something like this because of the reluctance for many people to be forthcoming about affairs or dissatisfaction in their relationships.
I wonder why there’s no mention of women carrying the gene?
I have not heard of this study either but I just feel that cheating in the end is just a selfish act and would have a tough time believing it is genetic.
I’d add that over decades people change and individuals may change their thinking about relationships. Of course not everyone will change a basic belief system, but I think with some people life experience alters their ideals, which may be why some people stop cheating, start cheating or put up with it.
I think generally speaking, it can be very complex.
I’m very cynical about this study. When it comes down to it, I would stand by the notion that we are all responsible for our actions including cheating, and with that in mind, we must all face the consequences of our actions too.
I am cynical too. Very few men are forced into marriage against their will. If they make that commitment, they should play by the rules. After all you couldn’t turn up in court and say ‘it is not my fault I am a criminal, blame my genes’.
Oh dear poor man, you shouldn’t hate him, he deserves our sympathy..
he can’t help being a lying cheating scumbag it is in his genes..
um right…
I think you expressed that very clearly Stav! No one wants to put up with a cheater.
it amazes me how many women do exactly that though justontime.. if it were mine, his feet wouldn’t touch the ground on the way out..
I have much the same attitude, but I watched a friend (who I thought of as a very strong person) accept excuses and feeble apologies over and over again (for internet cheating mainly). I came to the conclusion that she had invested so much in making it work that she didn’t know when to give up. Does that make any sense?
Perhaps, after a long time married, the alternative was not something she could handle.