17 Responses

• deltic on May 9th, 2009 at 1:15 pm

  This must be really hard for you. I guess if you could start from the beginning again you would not get involved. However you are involved and as you say there is a chance of you getting hurt. I think all you can do is to stay in the background and leave him to decide. By the way I don’t think he would be very fair to her if he slept with her before he was sure that they had a future.

• justontime on May 9th, 2009 at 1:30 pm

  I’m sorry but you have to step back and allow him the chance to reconcile with his wife. If he decides he wants you instead, it is up to you if you still want him or not.

• kernow on May 9th, 2009 at 1:58 pm

  I can understand why you feel cheated, he hasn’t been very fair in starting a relationship before concluding his marriage. It is up to you if you want to wait around or not, but I don’t think I would.

• tater03 on May 16th, 2009 at 12:51 pm

  I think you have your answer. I mean if you know even before the visit that they are going to sleep together then there are still feelings of some sort there that they both really need to work on. Good luck to you. I hope it works out the way you want in the end.

• chris1203 on May 30th, 2009 at 9:25 am

  Unfortunately, I think that you need to step back and let what ever happens, happen. You don’t absolutely know that he will untimately reconcile with his wife. Don’t start dreading what may never happen.

• Me on May 31st, 2009 at 3:10 pm

  Why wait around? She is still his wife and he is still her husband. They owe to each other to try to work things out. You have no place within this equation. There are men in this world who are unattached and will be less of a headache to you.

• rita on June 4th, 2009 at 6:42 am

  I’m sorry but if the guy is trying to reconcile with his after after filing for divorce then he is a jackass.He is a jackass because he started a relationship with you. It’s ok to reconcile with your wife but not at the expense of someone else. Dump his fast and move on.
  It happened to me. Men lie a lot. They bother you till death and tell you it’s over when it’s not. Please if he considers even reconciling with his wife, dump him.

• SageMother on June 13th, 2009 at 12:58 pm

  The insult must be incredibly difficult to swallow. Somehow, it seems that he’s not willing to make a decision based on your relationship.

  In addition to your feelings about being pushed aside, the scene is set for him to continue to see his “soon to be ex”, and you, without making any commitment to you.

  It sounds like it’s time to set him aside, telling him that, when he can present the divorce decree to you, he will be living without you in his life.

• Jessica on July 14th, 2009 at 4:47 pm

  This happened to me to. i got involved with a separated man. before we started anything i told him just let me know if you are going to try to work things out with your ex. i wish i hadn’t uttered those word because that is of course what he did.. he has been back with his wife for three months and i know hes not happy i have to see him every day.. i work with the jerk. point is i wish it was that easy to forget.. he still calls me all the time asking to secretly meet up-stars.. i was stupid for meeting him..although i would let anything too serious happen every kiss and touch brings that feeling of love back. i some times wish i had never met him.. point is at least make it look like you have moved on and have no more feelings for him so at least this way you don’t feel like a huge idiot…. its almost four months and i haven’t moved on yet.. just hang is there.. it will be irrelevant when you look back in year.. or at least that’s what i tell myself!

• kernow on August 2nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm

  I think Sage Mother summed up your situation very well, it seems very hard on you. Perhaps the lesson for all of us is to recocognise that people who are separated but not divorced have a lot of unresolved issues and they are not yet free to commit to a new relationship.

• chris1203 on August 14th, 2009 at 8:35 pm

  I agree, kernow. Even couples that are actually divorced can have unresolved baggage between them that can get in the way of them forming good relationships with other people.

• kernow on August 15th, 2009 at 3:54 am

  I am an old fashioned sort of person and for many reasons I would not consider a person free to date and get involved until after a divorce. Then it would be up to me if I wanted to bother with someone with a lot of baggage.

• justontime on August 15th, 2009 at 4:24 am

  I think I would agree with you on that Kernow, I think getting involved with someone who is not yet divorced leaves you open to a lot of heartache.

• deltic on August 15th, 2009 at 4:49 am

  That is true, but the separated partner can be very convincing about things being all over, so I can see why some people do get involved.

• Taggart on August 15th, 2009 at 4:52 am

  I think in some cases the person involved at the beginning of a separation may not be intentionally misleading anyone about how easy it will be to separate. Sometimes people get to know their spouse much better when lawyers become involved.

• Taggart on October 25th, 2009 at 7:43 am

  I see it’s been a while since you posted this… Hopefully the relationship has worked out in a good way for you, one way or another. I know it can be difficult for some people to move on from a bad relationship.

• Orrymain on October 29th, 2009 at 4:59 am

  I’m curious how things have worked out as well. Rebound relationships rarely work, though, and I’m for people working to resolve their differences. He’s still married, or was at that point. I’d probably wait to get involved until after the divorce is finalized.