After finding out your boyfriend has cheated on you, sit back relax and think. It`s pointless bawling and shouting. Find out his reasons for his infidelity and take it from there. I don`t condone a person cheating on their partner whether it be in marriage or not, but if a man lies in a strange bed he will have his reasons. A man has needs and if there not met he may stray and sow his oats elsewhere. This doesn’t make it right, but neither is it right for you to deprive him. Critics may come forward on this but I stand steadfast about man and his needs. Then we have men that simply stray for the fun of it, not acceptable. Infidelity can leave couples feeling insecure making it harder to trust each other.
Cheating can be a difficult thing to confront your partner about. After all, you want to trust them. If his cheating antics stem from gossip be careful how you approach the subject. If you suspect your partner is seeing another woman, or man, yes it happens, confront them honestly and directly. You can only ever move on from the problem of cheating once you’ve established the extent of the unfaithfulness. Some relationships have broken up through a mere kiss on the cheek. If the heavy petting resulted in sexual intercourse then this is blatantly cheating. Playing the cheater at their own game is not the best course of action; in fact it can have severe consequences, and on top of that, it is not really you. Doing something out of character because of his misdeed is not good. It is understandable your suffering over the betrayal, but don`t do anything rash.
It`s hard to forgive a partner for cheating but If forgiving is the solution then so be it. His cheating episode has to be buried and not brought to light again for the relationship to have a chance. Forgive and forget as the saying goes – not sure about forgetting. Live with the belief that your partner is working on the relationship as hard as you are. Not that you should be because, ain`t you the victim in all this. Think back to the reasons of why you fell in love. Romance each other. Liven the relationship up with fresh new activities rather than work with stale ones. Socialize with close friends who support your relationship. If your boyfriend cheated on you once you have to be sure he won`t do it again and that his affair is over.
In their own words I found troubled people like you who experienced living with a love cheat and found out how they handled the situation.
1. I cheated after my husband cheated and it hurt me but then I started to enjoy hurting him and yes it hurt him but we still love each other but were apart now where do we go from here?
Kacy ‘You don`t.’ go anywhere from here by the looks of it – being apart tells the story. If you`re still in love then why the distance separating you both, yet another story.’
2. My bf has cheated on me 4 times, and I forgave him. He promises not to do it again, but he does. I love him and will do anything for him. People say he treats me badly, but he says he loves me. He keeps meeting up with his ex’s and he knows it hurts me. He says I don`t trust him. Tonight he took a walk with his drunken ex. what am I meant to think. I am confused, I just wanna be happy and I now don`t know what to do. Do I give up and be unhappy and ruin my education, or keep with it and see what happens this time. He says he`s changed? Has he
Kacy ‘No he hasn`t changed and never will. Once is bad enough but 4 times and god only knows how many more you don`t about. You`ll be far happier with an education. People who love you don`t hurt you. You say he keeps meeting up with his ex`s behind your back. It`s just a thought – but you may see more of him if you join suit.’
3. Me and my bf have both cheated on each other 4 times, I’ve always done it first, my friends say it’s just to get back at me!! But if you love someone how can u cheat? We’ve been together 2 years on and off, and we are now engaged his way of showing me he’s changed but I just can’t get over the paranoia. I don’t trust him when he’s at work. But I want to make this work.
Kacy ‘If the trust is gone then it will be difficult to keep it together. You cheated first and the result of your playing around is he gets to buy you an engagement ring to prove he has changed. Hey honey what planet are you on, shouldn`t you be the one picking up the tab for the ring. You have a guy in a job with a financial security behind him, which is hard to find these days. He is also a guy willing to take the rap for the error of your ways. Yes he may have retaliated in a silly way. But love does that to people. They say love is a misunderstanding between two fools. In your case I see 1.’
4. We’ve (bf) been together for 11 yrs and have two sons a 3yr and 1yr old. The first year together he cheated on me; I forgave and never talked about it again. Now I have a feeling he is doing it again. He`s a trucker. I found he was texting a girl the way he shouldn’t have been. He told me he was just “joking” with her, and now her number is on his cell bill. I want to confront him but don’t want to bring up the past, I feel like I have no choice. What should I do?
Kacy ‘There are times we have to make choices in life which we don`t like but if this is worrying you that much then you have no choice. Tell him of your concerns because when he first cheated there were no children involved. You now have two boys to think about and don`t want to see them hurt. I think you were brave to brush his first fling under the carpet. Don`t let the dirt pile up. Tell him that you don`t see his way of joking as funny.’ Jokes make you laugh not cry.
5. My Boyfriend almost cheated on me but didn’t go through with it. He seems sincerely sorry and is hurting as much as I am. I found a condom in his pocket. He admitted to it right away and said he wasn’t gunna lie about it. I want to make this work I just don’t know if I’ll ever trust him again.
Kacy ‘Thank-fully you didn`t find a used condom. We all have our moments when we nearly doing something we shouldn’t. You say he “almost.” It is best leaving it like that. Just tell him how hurt you would be if he had of cheated on you. Maybe this was at the back of his mind when he was tempted to go further than “almost.”
About the Author – Kacy Carr
Start a new Relationship – Get him back tips http://www.spotthepimple.com Is your Depression caused by your partner http://www.overcompulsivedisorder.com
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This article made me so mad, going on about a man and his needs, nonsense, that is no excuse to stray! What about women’s needs?
The first paragraph started off fairly well, but then it all stopped working for me and I didn’t find the rest of the article helpful. I have to agree with kernow’s comment too.
I understand what you are saying that man have needs. But if those needs require cheating than they need to deal with the current relationship and either fixing it or moving on before cheating.
Exactly right riskey58, men have excused their cheating because of ‘male needs’ for far too long. If there are problems they need to deal with them and listen to whatever is bothering their partner. Women have needs too.
You put it very well riskey58, if the man has unmet needs he needs to be communicating with his partner and trying to resolve the differences. He should not be going out behaving like a tom cat and blaming it on ‘male needs’.
In the end I just never will understand why you cannot end one relationship first? I mean I know ending one may not be easy but it just is the decent thing to do.
They don’t end one relationship first because they want to have their cake and eat it! Partly I think it is because they just don’t want to face up to conflict.
I don’t think they necessarily want to end the first relationship, the just think they can get away with a bit of extra excitement.
kernow, you may be right, they certainly don’t seem to think through the long term implications of cheating.
Cheating to me is just selfish. I mean leave or fix the relationship first. I mean I am married and can understand how a relationship might not change or work but I would never think to cheat without doing something about the relationship I’m in first. I have to much respect for myself and the person that I love.
You are right it is selfish. I suspect many cheats don’t end their marriage/relationship because they have no intention of leaving the spouse.
You’re probably right in that they are not planning on leaving. They want the best of both worlds and don’t care who gets hurt in the process.
Cheating is downright wrong and hurtful. I have a different viewpoint of people who do cheat. This is why I can’t stand Brad Pitt to this day.
I have had friends who cry when their husbands cheat, but these same husbands gave them plenty of warning that they were not happy. When husbands say that you are going to sleep at night instead of taking care of their needs, listen to them.
These husbands should have never strayed, but these wives should not have been shocked. I have one friend in which her husband is extremely caring and understanding, but she just does not think that sex is important.
Yes, he should have left her first. When two people have difference priorities, it is time to suggest possible compromises or even end the relationship.
Poster25 makes a very valid point. Throughout history people in general and certainly men have risked much for sexual gratification.
In many people the sex drive is very strong, and perhaps that’s not immediately easy to understand by people who don’t feel those same strong urges.
I agree with the very first response by kernow. This article made me furious too, it is a shame because there are some very good points made, but it is never ever OK for a person to stray and blame it on the partner for not meeting their needs.