POSTED BY KRISTINE - A READER CONTRIBUTED STORY
I am in a relationship with a man who is actively invovled in his boys life, I have a problem with him going every weekend to his son’s basketball games, is this selfish cuz I get mixed up. Suppose to be no kids weekend because we have them every other. What and how am I suppose to handle this bring around the ex wife and how do I handle out of town games. He is there for his boys he saids and I do believe it, just I never seen other man seeing there ex’s and during the weeek if there is a basketball game.
Your Plan: Work it out
Advice For Others: Do not get involved with a man who has children because you will have to accept and deal with.
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I would look on it another way, you can be sure that when you have kids he will be just as supportive, unless you feel he just wants to be with his ex.
A man w/children is a father. I think it speaks volumes that this man is a dad to those kids. So many men just aren’t there for their children and a man who wants to actively participate in his children’s lives is to be respected. If you want to be w/this man, you either have to take him as he is, a father, or not at all. His children are a part of the package.
Debrajean said it perfectly. The kids are part of the package. If you don’t want them in the picture, then this man is not right for you and you are not right for him.
This might sound harsh, so apologies in advance.
It sounds like you need to decide whether or not you want to continue this relationship.
He’s going to have ties to his ex-wife, through the kids, until those kids are grown, so you will never have him completely to yourself. You will have to deal with her, and his commitment to the kids, BEFORE he can focus on you, if he can make the time to focus on you.
Is this the sort of relationship that you truly deserve?
When you date someone with kids, you have to think that those kids have 2 parents, and your love interest will most likely have his or her kids as their first priority. Accepting that they’ll have to interact with their ex’s is something that will be happening until the kids are old enough.
Berlinlife, you are right if you date someone with kids you have to accept that the kids will be his first priority always. In doing what is right for his kids he will have to have a cooperative relationship with his ex. If you can’t accept that don’t get involved with him.
I am also thinking that if you push him to make a decision between you and his kids then he may choose them, because they are his forever. I wouldn’t worry too much about the ex. There is a reason they are no longer together. Try to make use of the time you have with him, it is necessary for both of you to come to a compromise.
If he doesn’t put his kids first you should think very hard about being with this man. A parent who does not put the needs of his/her children as a top priority is probably not the sort of person you want to be with.
I have yet to see an ex with kids, who ever becomes truly “ex”. The kids tie the man to the ex wife as long as those kids are under 18, he pays child support, and has to constantly arrange visitation.
Dating a man with children can be difficult, but it does not have to ruin your relationship. Find a way to include his children in your life, so that you don’t look at it as if the kids are taking him away from you.
I have been in a relationship for 4 years, with a men that loved so much. At the time that we met , he had only one child. He then stated that he needs to be involved in his son life, And icompletely agreed with him. And we decided that it was ok. I mean i am a mother of 2 children, and for me not to allow that,i thought that i was being selfish. But i guess I was worng. He Ended up getting his ex-girlfriend pregnant again. And Some other women that he met while he was with me pregnant as well
the needs of the children have to come first, if you can’t cope with that then you are in the wrong relationship. You should be proud of him for playing an active part in his son’s life.
I’m sorry, but kernow is right. If you resent the time he spends with his child then you have the wrong man. He must put his child first.
I tend to agree that he’s being a good father in trying to attend his son’s games. I think that’s a positive trait.
I can also see why you’d like to have some quality time alone with him. I think in this case as in many others, hopefully you can find a satisfactory balance.
The children come with the package. If you can’t deal with it now, you won’t be able to deal with it later either.
You have to have the right mindset to date a man who has children that are not yours. You will never come first in his life. His children will always be first.
You say that his ex doesn’t bring any dates to the game. This may be a problem as well. If she wants him back, chances are she will use the kids as bait.
You have to decide if you want to deal with the drama. Are you mature enough to handle this? Is he really worth it?