19 Responses

• Imaginary Diva on December 12th, 2008 at 8:40 pm

  Thanks for dropping by!

• chris1203 on December 14th, 2008 at 12:26 pm

  I believe that your girlfriend is lying to you and that did much more than kiss that night. But I believe that, unless he raped her, this man should not be blamed for what happened. Your girlfriend made the decision to be unfaithful to you. Blame her.

• SageMother on December 15th, 2008 at 9:38 am

  It sounds like you need to make a decision. Are you going to stay in a relationship with the girlfriend, fully aware that she will probably lie about other infidelities as time goes on, or are you prepared to be realistic, honor your limits, and end the relationship?

• justontime on December 16th, 2008 at 4:27 pm

  You are aiming your anger at the wrong person, your girlfriend is the one you should be angry with. I think she is not being honest with you.

• Liza on December 17th, 2008 at 4:58 am

  Forget about the other guy and make a decision whether or not you will move on with her. It will be difficult but you have to make a decision and then proceed from there.

• berlinlife06 on December 20th, 2008 at 11:02 am

  This sounds like a lie. I´m sorry but I don´t think you and your girlfriend are made for each other… maybe with someone else.

• Sagemother on December 26th, 2008 at 7:59 am

  There is something that occurs to me that I hadn’t really considered before.

  She is a girlfriend. She isn’t a fiance, she isn’t a wife.

  How much exclusivity can one ethically expect when the relationship isn’t one commonly associated with that level of commitment?

  If you want her to be exclusive, the relationship status should reflect that arrangement. A girlfriend isn’t a fiance or a wife.

• Liza on December 31st, 2008 at 4:07 pm

  You are on to something here SageMother, but I am thinking if they are exclusive, he probably needs to say if they are, then she shouldn’t have done it.

• Sagemother on January 1st, 2009 at 11:12 am

  Liza,

  Too often there are things in the “expectation” area that aren’t balanced in the “benefits” area.

  I wonder at the number of young ladies who are expected to be exclusive by BOYFRIENDS without benefit of marriage or some sort of shared life building benefits. She is effectively prevented from expanding her circle of “eligible” while the boyfriend can take his time avoiding any further, deeper commitment on his end.

  We all know that society deals with time’s passing and gender, differently. At 35 or 40, fellows are judged in a kinder light than women of the same age. If a woman wishes to have children, time’s passing is eating away at that goal on a daily basis where it doesn’t, to the same extent, for men.

  Unless the benefits of being exclusive are present with the agreement to be so, it might be best to hold out for the official “fiance” status with a SET wedding date and not accept exclusivity without it!

• deltic on March 27th, 2009 at 2:15 pm

  Why are you angry with him? It was your girlfriend who cheated not him. Forget revenge, look at your relationship, do you trust her? why did it happen? does she care about you? You can’t “keep her under control” and you have no right to restrict her freedom. You can’t force her to love you!

• justontime on March 28th, 2009 at 10:26 am

  Deltic is right, and Sage Mother makes a good point too, if you expect your girlfriend to be exclusive what are you offering her in return?

• Katharina on April 9th, 2009 at 5:00 am

  That “advice” you ended this with that said “Advice For Others: Keep your lover under your control. Don’t give too much of freedom” is really out of line, I feel.

  We do not control other people or try to dominate over them. That’s just creepily wrong. She cheated on you and will do it again most likely if she did it once.

  I suppose some people would say that trying to dominate her and “control” her might be one of the reasons why she strayed.

  If she is your wife or fiancee, as others here have said, you’d have more of a right to be so indignant.

• poster25 on May 19th, 2009 at 7:31 am

  Katharina…..you are so right. I missed that. That really creeps me out.

  That answers everything if this is his expectations of a relationship. But on the other hand, his girlfriend should have ended the relationship if she was not willing to live up to his creepy expectations. She should not have cheated on him.

  Also, even if a relationship is not exclusive, the two people involved should not be lying to each other or cheating on one another. Communicate the parameters of the relationship.

  Also, it appears that both people in this relationship have issues.

• Taggart on May 22nd, 2009 at 5:19 am

  There’s an interesting point made in a post above about the level of commitment. I got the impression that Kumar was understanding that there was a commitment.

  I think it may be advisable to move on if he wants to, but I don’t think revenge is a good idea. I don’t think he can have piece of mind if he’s plotting a revenge.

• deltic on January 28th, 2010 at 2:20 pm

  I wonder why he was angry with the man, surely it was the girlfriend who let him down (assuming there was an agreement to be exclusive).

• justontime on February 13th, 2010 at 4:53 am

  I have just read this again. I agree with my previous comment, your issue is with the girlfriend not the man. You need to ask yourself why she didn’t tell you. Is she afraid of you? If so that is not a good basis for a lasting relationship.

• stav on February 13th, 2010 at 7:46 pm

  I’m not sure i understand this..

  ‘he indced her and made her sleep with him’ That sounds like rape to me????

• justontime on February 14th, 2010 at 3:58 am

  I wonder if alcohol played a part in this? Did she get drunk and make a decision that she now regrets? As Stav said it is very hard to induce another adult to do something against their will unless force of some kind is used. If that is the case it is a crime.

• stav on February 14th, 2010 at 8:08 am

  That’sa good point too.. If she was maybe drunk, and did something she later regretted, it is down to you to decide whether you can forgive her, and if she is genuinely remorseful.

  Otherwise you should be calling the police.