Comments on: Matt Wants To Work It Out

By: Sharon

Sharon — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:00:59 +0000

flowerhorn08,

I think the “forgive and forget” part is so highly overrated. It does happen, but it does take a very long time for the memories of being hurt to go away.

By: Taggart

Taggart — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:15:47 +0000

Sorry to hear about your challenging situation, Matt. I think it’s very positive that you’re willing to work it out.

Of course it would be very helpful to get to the point where you trusted your wife, but I’m not sure how that will happen without either her convincing you of her actions, or a little more investigation.

Best of luck with this.

By: Katharina

Katharina — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:59:38 +0000

I agree with the poster who said forgive and forget happens only in fairytales. We should forgive, sure… but there’s no way on earth to force forgetting.

And without forgetting, the trust issues stay present. You wrote this some time ago… how did it end up turning out for you?

By: Liza

Liza — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 20:12:01 +0000

Your wife may also be feeling overwhelmed by her parents being there but feel quite guilty about asking them to go since they are her parents. You may want to look at this aspect when renewing your love for her.

By: debrajean

debrajean — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:18:52 +0000

You are dealing with too much on your plate right now. You need to step back and prioritize. The first step is to insist that the parents move out, help set them in their own place if need be. You and your wife need to get back on track and the only way to do this is if the focus is on the two of you as a couple. You need to rediscover why you fell in love in the first place and try and find that again. The parents being there is not helping you to stay focused on your wife. Infidelity can be overcome. She seems genuinely sorry and you must insist that ALL contact with the ex-boyfriend be stopped. This is for your own sanity and no other reason. And if she wants the marriage to continue she should whole-heartedly agree to this. The goal is to make you feel secure in her love again and the only way to do this is for her to be totally committed to you.
I hope you can work this out. Good luck!

By: berlinlife06

berlinlife06 — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 02:48:17 +0000

I can totally understand your situation. It is very hard to deal with infidelity and still try to work it out. So, try to forget i, shake it out of your brain, and keep focused on the LOVE you feel for her.

By: Liza

Liza — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:09:15 +0000

Are her parents doing anything to improve their financial status? Do you have to buy food for them and pay all the bills? If they are doing nothing to improve their situation, you are only fooling yourself in thinking they may move out anytime soon.

By: flowerhorn08

flowerhorn08 — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:16:35 +0000

I guess you cannot treat or look at your wife in the same way before you discovered about her affair. Forgive and forget only occurs in fairytale and we are not living in one.

By: SageMother

SageMother — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 16:20:08 +0000

I don’t know that having the parents in the house is a good, at all. It allows the wife to slip back into high school fantasy behavior too easily as that dynamic has to be playing somewhere in her subconscious with the parents being in the home.

It is time to put your foot down. She has to either be married to you, or living with her parents.

I would have a hard time repairing a marriage if I felt the spouse had a convenient escape valve like this.

By: justontime

justontime — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 12:13:54 +0000

I think you have been too accepting. Insist that her parents move out, if necessary give them formal notice to do so. Then you may have a chance of rebuilding your relationship, but it will take time and if you have doubts about her honesty you need to say so, without trust it can not work.