POSTED BY MATT – A READER CONTRIBUTED STORY

My Wife\’s parents ran into deep financial trouble about 8 years ago and moved into our home after their foreclosure. They have been here ever since and should have moved out long ago (they were in their early 50\’s when this happened). After 6 years I had enough with the loss of privacy (we have 3 young boys as well) and the intrusion. I spoke to my wife many times but the situation did not change. I have a professional career and the hours per week kept increasing and I spent more and more time traveling and working over the past two years. Two years ago as well I attended counciling with my wife and expressed my frustration with the living situation but was told it was not likely to change and I would need to see how I would handle this.

At this point I turned inside and walled up my emotions as a way not to become enraged and focused nore and more on my job. My wife\’s focus was focused on the children (cooperative stage). About 2 months ago my wife admitted to me! that she had an affair with her ex boyfriend. She had been speaking with him for the past couple of years but kept telling me they were only friends. I trusted her until recently with the discovery of multiple calls to him per day (since Dec 2007) and being informed by one of her girlfriends that she had left with him one night from the bar. When I confronted her she denied it but I asked her to stop communicating with him. She said no and that they were just friends.

After 2 weeks of additional \”proof\” she finally admitted that she \”crossed the line\” but did not actually have intercourse with him. She said one night it was kissing then another a bit more (she claims she broke down and cried and that it did not go farther). I have all of the cell phone records and they do not seem to add up to just two meetings. I do love her and the kids and want to keep the family together and feel I can and have forgiven this but cannot seem to forget. This may be due to my not believing the story but can\’t stop obsessing/picturing them together. It seems like our whole marriage (14 years) is broken along with my heart. She is very remoresful and says she is sorry and it will never happen again. We are seeing a marriage councilor together and are both focused on rebuiling the marriage. Most days are good (better than ever), sex is the best it has ever been, I love her but the memmory is still fresh and I keep slipping into the thoughts.

I have tried not to bring this up any more (we have talked alot over the first month) and want to try to forgive and forget and not continually bring it up. It is painful for both of us. I do admit to contributing to the state of the marriage and we are both working on addressing the issues that lead to this situation. I do not, however, accept any of the blame for the choice made to have an affair.

My challenge is that some days I just want to aks her once and for all to come clean (she may be telling the truth all along but I still harbor doubts) and other days I just want to focus on rebuilding what we have and not keep bringing up the affair. On the days I want to talk I also keep thinking about the possibility of life after marriage but would not want to end what we have/had. I love my wife and family too much.

MATT\’S PLAN IS TO WORK IT OUT.

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