Im 21 years old, Ive been in a relationship with this girl for a year and a half and we have an apartment together we’ve been in a rough situation for the past 3 months and I’ve noticed she’s been depressed for a while, we talked about it and she tells me that she doesnt know what she wants in life and that she lost her identity, and she sometimes misses her old party life.
I left to visit family back home 2 weeks ago, during our time apart she started to tell me that she wants to change things in her life from clothes to personality and friends also. I was worried that this change would include me also but never brought it up.
4 days ago she went out with friends clubbing, and she has not been out in a long time and I encouraged her to do so because I thought it would cheer her up.
2 days later she confessed that she slept with a man she met there saying that she was very drunk and that she just completely forgot she had a boyfriend. I was heart broken and felt that my life ended.
I left her at that moment and did not want anything to do with her anymore, the day after she called me telling me how much she regrets doing what she did and that she would not want to lose me. for the following days she would keep sending txt messages and call me telling me that she wants me to take her back I don’t know what to do, I still love her and I can’t imagine my life without her. but in the same time im hurt and feel betrayed, the worst part of it all is that I return in a week and I still have everything in that apartment and in 2 weeks I have to take these exams and I can not study for them because of all the problems I have to face when I get back I want to work things out and find a solution, but I still need some advice on what to do
OMA_NAM’S PLAN IS TO WORK IT OUT.
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As difficult as things are, you must set your priorities so that you come first.
Your exams control your future, so you must have your ex understand that you will not deal with the relationship issues until they have been taken. YOu will probably have to sepdn time in separate room while you are at home, or study at the local library , but letting this upheaval have a negative impact on your educational goals would be a horrible mistake.
Your relationship issues can be dealt with once you have finished your exams!
It seems that you can let go for your girlfriend. By all means, go and see her and have a good talk with her.
If you don’t do this, you won’t be able to concentrate on your exams!
Just spend a few hours speaking with her and telling how you feel, let her know you are very disappointed in her actions. Study hard for the exams and I wish you all the best.
SageMother is right that you have to focus on the exams first. Doing that will also give hera chance to have a good think about what she wants. After the exams you need to have a serious talk with her and you need to listen to her reasons for being depressed and discontent recently. I think you will have to face the fact that she is not ready to settle down.
Something else to consider here.
Your placing your exams first and telling her the relationship issues will be dealt with once they are done, gives her the firm message that there will obligations to be fulfilled, regardless of your relationship status. She cannot insist you ignore these.
She can decide to leave the relationship if this isn’t satisfactory, but she cannot interfere with your obligations.
I wonder how this turned out, clearly the girlfriend was feeling very low. I think it is significant that she confessed what had happened when she could easily have kept it hidden.
Study and concentrate on your exams. You need your education for your future.
As far as your girlfriend, she needs her space. She is not happy. You have seen this and she even told you this. She doesn’t know what she wants at this point. But, don’t let her selfishness ruin your chances of having a great life.
You are only 21. Within a few months, you will look back and decide that it was not worth it.
I agree that you should do what you can to put your exams in high priority.
Obviously many people struggle with monogamy, and it can be especially tough for some people in their early twenties, which is not to say that failed relationships aren’t painful at any age.
I think she’s sincerely torn between her feelings for you and for a desire to not give up her former lifestyle just yet.
Oma_Nam, how did things go? Did you have a chat with him?
State of mind about settling down is really a very personal thing…. It goes right in there with personal goals.
When a person is not ready, he or she will not be ready. Sometimes forcing the issue can lead to a lot more hurt on your end.
Good luck and I hope it works out.
SageMother, I’m not really sure if most couples really do respect each other’s obligations.
This is where the emotional response comes in and it’s never rational at the heat of the moment. There are times I feel unappreciated because my husband decided to do something else that was important even for both of us.