Be honest with yourself. You know each other very well. Could you perhaps give your relationship another chance? Are you willing to forgive each other for the hurt you have caused or have been caused to suffer? Can you put negative actions of your past behind you and move forward and grow?
It is going to be up to one of you to make the first move, and establish contact with your ex husband/wife. Take things very slowly, because there is bound to be trust issues existing where both of you are concerned.
Once contact has been initialized, maybe you could suggest that you meet up over a cup of coffee. Again, take things very slowly. Discuss what has been going on in your life and ask your partner what has been going on in their life.
This meeting is all about making initial contact with your ex. If you feel chatting over coffee is a congenial way to meet up, you may suggest meeting up for coffee, and do it again, a few days down the track.
Act interested in what your ex has to say about what he or she is doing in their life. Maintaining eye contact is a good indication that your ex is interested in what you are saying. And gentlemen, please - watch your manners and pull the seat out for your ex to sit on etc.
It really is a case of going back to dating each other and trying to rekindle something that was once very special to both of you. You have many shared memories and a lot of them good ones. Reflect back on those good times.
Who knows, this could be the start of something wonderful because, time spent apart has enabled you to put things into perspective and you can now concentrate on the things that attracted you to your ex-partner in the first place.
Find out how to easily get your ex back.
About the Author - Pax Shumway
Learn how to easily win your husband back or get back your wife at GetYourExBack.info
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It is so important that married persons put time and effort into making the relationship work. Sometimes it’s very difficult after the relationship has deteriorated much.
I wish that more couples understood that marriages take a lot of effort to keep things working. Communication and compromise are so important. People need to look beyond the fairy tale wedding and be more realistic about the reality of married life.
Sometimes those persons who are married present a false picture to the wanna be’s, who end up leaping into marriage just for the sake of being married.
Well, if he has some extra marital affair, he can kiss our relationships good bye. If it was over caring and attitude problems, I am more willing to work it out with him! I just can’t tolerate unfaithful people in my life!
You are right on that one, the sad thing is some men don’t seem to be able to appreciate that you cannot just forgive and move on.
I did get back together with my husband after he had an affair and, though it wasn’t easy, we have survived. I think it’s important to analyze the reasons for the affair and try to eradicate those reasons for the future.
chris1203, you are such a forgiving soul. I just hope he won’t repeat the same thing twice. I am sorry but I have to say this; just be careful with him. If he can do it once, he might do it a second time!
Chris1203 thank you for reminding us that people can find a way forward following an affair. As you say, it is hard and both partners need to understand and address the factors that led to the affair. I wish you well with your relationship
Thanks flowerhorn and Justontime…I’m not saying that getting through this experience has been easy; it has actually been HELL. But situations don’t occur in life in a vacuum and without any relationship to what has gone on in the relationship leading up to the affair. For that reason, alone, I think it benefits both people to really examine the relationship to see what may have caused the initial unhappiness that led to the affair.
I don’t know that I could go back into a relationship with someone who had betrayed me, and I am not even considering affairs. Just the fact that they would talk about me to their friends has usually been enough for me to end dating relationships, much less those actions tha tmost people think of when they hear the word “infidelity”.
It’s very difficult, I know of someone who forgave and the man did the same again only with someone even younger. Experiences like those cause you to not want to give a chance for the future.
That’s the thing about trust, if you trust someone you make yourself vulnerable to being let down. If that happens it makes it very hard to trust again.
I think that you also have to judge this on a “case by case” basis…if I felt that my husband was a “hound dog,” I would have not considred reconciling with him. But there were reasons that he did what he did. Being unfaithful is not his way of being.
Seeing it case by case and very personal situations, I don’t think I could, simply because I am too jealous and I know it would be very very hard for me to forgive unfaithfulness. But I respect and admire people that can do that.
Chris I think you are right, you have to make a judgement depending on the person and the circumstances. It is a brave decision to forgive and move on because you risk being hurt again, but sometimes it is worth the risk.
“…if you trust someone you make yourself vulnerable to being let down. …”
I think this varies greatly with age and experience. Where the younger and, perhaps, more romantic people, both male and female, will trust in a way that renders them vulnerable to a large degree, there are other people who trust just enough to be comfortable, meaning they don’t trust so much that they feel vulnerable.
It might be that tenuous balance between trusting but not feeling vulnerable in doing so, that creates a bit of resilience in some marriages where others would fail under the weight of infidelity.
It’s a thought, anyway!
Well, I wish all the best to the people who want to get back to their partners. As for me, I won’t give it a second though as I think habit dies hard. It will next to impossible for a person to change his/her habit and attitude.
There are certain things that are relatively easy to overlook and to give a chance, cheating is not one of them.
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