According to Fred Talisman MFT “it’s possible that the wrong therapist can do a troubled relationship more harm than good and even contribute to a final breakup.”
For over 30 years, licensed marriage and family counselor Fred Talisman has specialized in saving relationships that were on the verge of ending even when only one person still wanted the relationship to work and even when they had no hope that it could be saved.
According to Talisman, author of “Save Your Relationship“, “most relationships end unnecessarily and the breakup could have been prevented, especially if the couple had gone to the right kind of marriage counselor.”
Pick A Counselor That’s A “Relationship Saver” – Not A “Relationship Ender”
When a relationship is in crisis, it’s in a very delicate state. Marriage counseling is not neutral. It can help make the relationship better. But if done incorrectly, it can push the relationship over the edge.
All relationship counselors have their biases.
Some therapists think that if a relationship isn’t working, a person should get out. They’ll tend to guide an individual or couple in that direction. Fred calls them “relationship enders.”
In the interview, Talisman said “other counselors, believe that, with rare exception, an individual and/or couple should do everything possible to learn and master the skills to make their relationship work and thus to save their relationship and often their family unit. Those type of therapists are ‘relationship savers.’
It’s my experience, that for most relationships in crisis, when an individual or couple get the right kind of help and training and consistently practice those skills that they can actually not just stay together but can both thrive staying together.”
Why finding and going to a marriage counselor is usually a critical element in convincing the leaving partner to give the relationship a last chance
According to Talisman, “usually, the person that has initiated the breakup has been trying to get their partner to go to relationship counseling with them. They have been put off or flatly told no. I’ve worked with some couples where the person that wants to end the relationship had been rejected by their partner for weeks, months and even years, in their efforts to get them both into couple counseling.
Initiating finding and going to a couples counselor as soon as possible demonstrates a person’s willingness to be responsive to what the leaving partner has wanted. It can also help the leaving partner to get past one of their biggest objections to giving their mate a last chance, which is their concern that there’s no reason to believe that anything will be different.
One of the primary reasons the leaving partner wanted to go to a relationship counselor in the first place is that they thought that it could help to make the relationship workable for them.”
How To Get the Most Out of Working with a Relationship Therapist
According to Talisman, “how a person prepares for a relationship counseling session and how they conduct themselves in that session can make a big difference in how effective it is.” He recommends that “each person be proactive in preparing for each session.” He further suggests that “each person think about what they most want help with to improve in themselves, which would make the biggest difference in improving their relationship.
The couples that are the most proactive in planning for their marriage counseling sessions, and are the most proactive and consistent in practicing and mastering the skills they are taught by a ‘relationship saving’ therapist get the best results, by leaps and bounds.”
To watch or hear the entire interview, CLICK HERE
To read Fred’s in depth guidelines how to pick and find a relationship saving counselor go to http://saveyourrelationship.com/index3.
Fred Talisman MFT can be reached at 800 887-6464.
About Fred Talisman MFT
For over 32 years, licensed marriage and family counselor Fred Talisman has specialized in saving relationships that were on the verge of ending even when only one person still wanted the relationship to work and even when they had no hope that it could be saved.
Contact:
Fred Talisman MFT
310 305-7488
http://www.saveyourrelationship.com
Los Angeles, CA (PRWEB)
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I hope I don’t end up at one of these marriage counselors (relationship enders. I wasn’t even aware that this was the case, I always thought that the marriages were too far broken up to work.
Any decent relationship councillor should not impose their ideas or expectations on a couple. His/her role is to facilitate communication between the couple. They should not bully a couple into staying together and they certainly should not encourage them to part, the couple must decide. Sadly sometimes parting is the right decision for that couple.
Anytime you explore relationship issues, there is a chance that the relationship will end, since nothing is perfect.
I think the need to examine a relationship in the presence of people not directly involved indicates the relationship is on the verge of ending anyway.
A friend of mine counselled another friend and they ended up parting, they were not in a marital relationship though, but one of them was just out of high school and the other in his 30’s. Compatibility was an issue there and they faced up to it in the counselling experience.
One of the problems that many couples may face is their tendency to try to fix something after it has been damaged, or focusing on smaller issues, instead of trying to maintain the positive aspects of a relationship.
Has anyone else noticed this?
It may be this tendency that creates some of the pressures that lead to divorce.
Yes, I have noticed it, but sometimes it’s the small things that break the relationship, we don’t know how to get past the small stuff and get too the real issues.
When I was getting married the counselor brought quite a few scenarios to the forefront of our minds as we discussed how we will deal with issues. We always ‘had’ a positive way in which we would work things out, which did not necessarily materialize once reality hit us.
It does make sense that certain kinds of marriage counselors can guide the couple into ending things, rather than repairing the marriage.
I know of a girl that actually asked her parents for divorce. She knew they were together because of her, but she thought that they would be happier separated. So they did, and they are all much happier. But that doesn’t happen very often.
OH I can understand a child wanting parents to just divorce and get it over with.
I remember wishing my parents would divorce so that there could be much less tension in the house.
That is just sad, the child having to ask for a divorce. Can you imagine the amount of time she spends thinking, “will this ever end?”
It is very sad but too often the parents are so tied up in their own feelings that they fail to see or understand how the situation impacts on their children. Even worse they sometimes use the children to hurt each other.
I am going to get Talisman’s book as I like people to have a happy ending in their trouble marriage relationship.
Perhaps I can give the book to my friend who is having some problem in her marriage which might lead to divorce.
OK Talisman, here is your chance to prove yourself. Hope that your book really works.
Liza, I guess when one person has made up their mind that he / she is leaving the relationship no matter what…. everything the counselor will say can be just warped around to fit their agenda.
I did have a girlfriend that went to counseling with her boyfriend. And, the counselor flat out told her boyfriend to leave her. All of us agree, hey, if you can’t sleep at night because your girl is overly possessive, jealous and tries to kill you… it’s really time to pack up and leave. Even we tell him that he needs to leave!
Justontime, maybe some relationships just can’t be helped anymore.
Especially when it is harmful to the other person’s health and well being.
Liza, that’s quite a big age gap….
flowerhorn08, I am a sucker for happy endings too!
Imaginary Diva I think you may be right that some relationships are beyond help. If so they should be helped to achieve as painless and trouble free end as possible, especially if there are kids to consider.