At the start, the realization of an affair is a tiny alarm going off on your internal radar. Your spouses comings and goings start to raise your now heightened awareness. Perhaps he/she has received one too many phone calls at strange hours. Maybe your spouse is exhibiting signs on unexplained joy and it catches your attention. Bottom line is, most betrayed spouses can pinpoint the exact moment when infidelity became a very real reality in their life.
No two affairs are the same, but the majority of unfaithful spouses have some dirty traits in common. These same traits are the tools to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need.
Cheating spouses hate lying to you - at first. Yes, it is true. Most spouses that are cheating really struggle with the dishonesty at first. Over time, the guilt becomes dull, and lying becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is portraying a very guilty attitude around you of late, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of an affair.
Unfaithful spouses are the some of the most stressed-out human beings you may ever come into contact with. The stress of lying, keeping up two dishonest lives, keeping all the lies in order, and trying to keep two partners content can be extremely over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, most unfaithful spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so it will all just stop.
Cheaters need modern technology to keep their affair alive and well. Email and cell phones make infidelity much easier to maintain - they also make infidelity much easier to begin in the first place. If you suspect adultery in your relationship, start by going through all email and cell phone accounts. Any questionable email addresses or cell phone numbers should be traced right away.
Keep in mind that not all cheaters are bad people. Affairs actually can happen to decent people. Yes, an affair can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being considered a “failure” due to a lapse in judgment keeps most unfaithful spouses involved in an affair.
If adultery is actually confirmed in your relationship, there are factors you must keep in at forethought. The next days, actions and decisions are all about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not spend your precious energy brooding over on the other woman (or man), do not spend your energy thinking about your unfaithful spouse. You have just experienced a very traumatic experience event that is centered around trust. The misconception is that healing from infidelity involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this might be on your list of future issues to deal with, this should not be your immediate concern. Your first issue to tackle will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.
Unfaithful spouses rely on the self-doubt betrayed spouses bring into their minds. The desire to trust your spouse is far more powerful than your desire to find out your spouse is not trust-worthy. When cheating is confirmed, the first victim to be healed is the betrayed spouse - You. Take every bit of time you need for yourself and try to heal yourself before you begin any other major changes in your life. A worthy spouse will wait.
About the Author - Marshall Duke
Visit YourCheatedHeart.com for more infidelity resources and a confidential cell phone number trace service.
I wonder how many couples actually do decide to stay with a cheating spouse?
I think there are some spouses who tolerate serial cheaters; as long as they don’t have to know about it, they may welcome that someone else is handling the sex part.
I know I could not handle a serial cheater. I would have a hard enough time dealing with the first time I was cheated on.
debrajean, statistics actually say that the majority stay to “work things out”.
I bet the rate at which marriages “survive” adultery, on the husband’s part, is directly related to how much money the wife can make on her own.
Sadly Sagemother I really think that you have a good point here. I have always tried to keep my independence when it comes to making money in a relationship. I don’t ever want to feel that I have to stay with someone do to financial reasons.
I have to agree with SageMother, it can be very scary to make the break if you do not have sufficient financial resources, especially if there are children to consider as well.
mollyL, a person’s mind is so complex that we can never really understand why some would put up with someone that constantly hurts them.
Granted, the other partner might have some seriously emotional issues, but I think they should try to get some professional help instead of hopping into another person’s bed.
tater03, exactly. The goonies in my head will seriously go on overdrive mode if I have to keep an eye on my man all the time!
SageMother, statistics even say that when a man decides to divorce his wife in favor for the “other lady”, ex-wives are still financially dependent on their exes.
Tater03, my husband and I budget in a way that he gets his own spending money and I get my own after the rest is deposited in the bank.
What we do with our own allotted money is up to us. For most part, I just save mine in a bank account. He does the same thing also.
I know quite a few that actually stays with the cheating spouse, in one case, even takes care of the child born out of that affair.
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