54 Responses

• Calypso on April 3rd, 2008 at 2:56 pm

  What a sad, awful experience! It sounds like the two of you need to seek marriage counseling right away. A good counselor can help you talk through the anger and hurt and help you discover if there’s any way the relationship can be salvaged. Good luck to you!

• trick-r-treat on April 3rd, 2008 at 5:25 pm

  I can’t believe that he didn’t tell you after he got her pregnant. If he didn’t want to be with the OW, at least he should have acknowledged the child.

• Green-Moo on April 4th, 2008 at 2:15 am

  What a sad state of affairs. I feel very sorry that you’re going through this. In my opinion, using the state of your health as an excuse to cheat is appalling, but that’s just a part of the problem.

• mollyL on April 5th, 2008 at 11:02 pm

  I can understand the horrible pain you feel,and how all you can feel now is negative toward your husband. But do remember what you said, the girl is only a child.Remember that she is an innocent party, as innocent as you.

• tater03 on April 6th, 2008 at 8:16 am

  I am so sorry that you had to go thorough something like this. I would agree that if you want to make it work that you two might need to get some counseling just to deal with the trust issues alone. I know if it was me I would need help and some counseling just for the fact that I don’t give trust easy and would have no idea how to give it back to someone that betrayed it. Good luck to you. I hope it works out in the end the way that you want it to.

• SageMother on April 6th, 2008 at 8:45 am

  What a horrible experience.

  I have always thought that I would sue for custody of any child born during my marriage, whether I gave birth to them or not.

  Why?

  Because I am just that mean! I refuse to have any of my household money go out to the other woman and the child she had by my husband. After all, I am the wife, and I raise his kids!

  Women have asked me if the child wouldn’t be a constant reminder of the infidelity. Well, I don’t think the child bears any blame. Living with the husband will be a reminder, though, so there would definitely be some marriage counseling, but keeping the marriage together would be important for our lives and that of the child born out of the affair!

  Happily, that won’t happen. Both my husband and I are sterilized.

  My heart goes out to you. I bet many people aren’t aware of just how strong and dedicated you truly are.

• Liza on April 8th, 2008 at 4:33 pm

  Sage, I agree with you, having the child will provide a little more stability and it would reduce the time he sees the other woman. In a case where the woman was not told the man is marriage, she may also be an innocent party too.

• Green-Moo on April 9th, 2008 at 10:05 am

  It’s not often I disagree with you SageMother but on this point I have to admit that I’m quite horrified that you would even consider taking an innocent child away from it’s natural mother in order to make yourself feel better. I’m glad it’s something that will never come up.

• SageMother on April 9th, 2008 at 10:11 am

  Green-Moo

  I believe that the child is the product of the marriage, and its problems, just as the affair is.

  I like to keep these things in one household.

• trick-r-treat on April 11th, 2008 at 6:52 pm

  The thing is, in torn marriages, a lot of times the innocent child suffers, and only because the parents want nothing to do with each other.

• SageMother on April 13th, 2008 at 11:26 am

  The parents wanting nothing to do with each other, can exist regardless of the child’s biological parentage. This would be true if the child was the genetic offspring of one parent, both parents, was adopted, or any other possible variations on the family’s make up.

  In my mind, the child is still a product of the marriage, regardless of the happiness associated with the marriage in question.

• mollyL on April 14th, 2008 at 4:03 pm

  Sage,you are stronger than I! I would want to treat that unfortunate child the same as any of my children, but I fear I couldn’t.

• Calypso on April 15th, 2008 at 7:26 pm

  I can’t agree with you on this one either, Sage. Unless I felt the biological mother was abusive or neglectful, I wouldn’t try to have her child taken from her. This child isn’t a “product.” He or she is a living, breathing human being who has a right to know and love both parents.

• jennifer19 on April 16th, 2008 at 6:57 am

  i thank you all for youre advice .this situation is very difficult because i had a good happy marriage it was he who snapped and made a mistake and he can never take back what hes done he will live with his guilt and shame forever.i am a good kind and loving person and have given him a chance to work things out for the sake of our love and marriage and our childrens sake ,for me and my kids this is a hard situation none of us deserved .we are still realing and raw with emotion .i am trying very hard to rebuild our lives form the ashes.if it had only been an affair i would have spared my children the pain there going thru but because my husbands fathered a child i had to tell them i have done everything i can to help my children deal with there pain i ahvent even had time to really deal withmy pain or my feelings i hav e good and bad days,my husbands is really trying hes made his life an open book to me communication has become very open and hes done all ive asked from him hes told all the answers to the questions i needed to hear good or bad wehave had good talks and are on the road to rebuilding our realtionship.to me i will never comprehend that he could to do this to our family his excuses suck.my illnesses are for life there is no cure for what i have and i battle my illnesses with grace dignity and strenghth everyday i have honered my vows i would never cheat on my husband because my spouse was seriously ill and sometimes cannot have sex on command there are days im not phsically up for it but when i do we have a great time toghther this a real an should understand not run away looking fo rit elsewhere he same formidlife crisis excuse or financial problems pressure stress from the job or life all these things can be worked out as a couple these are not excuses to go out and have an affair.that to me makes him weak and thats the diference between us i honered my vows and didnt look for the a lifeor sex elsewhere i know im still hurt and angry but ive earned that right he has alot of making up to do i am willing to give him the chance wehter or not i can ever forgive or trust or respect him again time will tell i hope we can work past it all and he can regain what hes lost. as for the child ryan hes a boy hes 3 yrs old.i have welcomed him in my home i bought him gifts and given himthe same love and attenton as i do my own children i do not blame him i blame the other other women and him hes an innocent it will not be easy my children are hurting and are having ahard time dealing with a half brother i hope they can become close in time it does hurt and always will i know hes not to blame but it will always be a reminder i still cry and have troulble hugging him because it should have been our child i will never forgive her and at somepoint in time she i will cross paths because the child is my step son and hes part of our family know then iwill tell her what the deal is and where she stands my husbands knows there are no second chances this is his one and only i have faith in god and us i hope we can rebuild and make our family whole and hope all our children can coexsit and learn to be a family and love each other.time will tell thanks for your support and advice love jen

• Melissa Dalby on April 17th, 2008 at 7:49 am

  I’m in the same situation as you. I’m actually tearing as I’m reading this because I know exactly the pain you feel. I didn’t know about the “other child” until my 12 year old daughter told me. She was told not to tell me and this went on for almost a year. I have two children and my son is only 3 years old so he has been seeing this other woman for a few years behind my back. I didn’t want a second child with my husband since my daughter was already almost a teenager but he convinced me that this would be the best thing ever, etc. so I believed him only to find this out now. The other child is innocent in this situation but I can’t bear to look at him or even mention any names. I don’t think my marriage can survive this and I don’t know if I even want to try. Good luck to you.

• jennifer19 on April 18th, 2008 at 12:09 pm

  dear melissa my heart goes out to you and your children as well my life is a mess right know its been 2months to the day since he told me all ican tell you im trying for the sake of our family i hope in time i can forgive i dont know if its possible .the child for me is very painful every toie he comes i cry and fall apart im trying but it hurts so deep and irts a painful reminder i know exactlyhow you feel my husband it took him 3 yrds to tell me because he couldnt bear to hurt me he knew it woujld destroy our lives and it did i hope we can work ti time will tell he ended in te first year when she became pregnant but still it hurts only i the cheter is willing to make his life an open book and be honest with communication can a marriage have a chance contact with the ow must stop or no dice this is my hubbies one and only chance he better keep all his promises or its goodbye i still want him toh ave adna test he says he will when hes ready this hurts to i think we need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt i hope you ca work things out iwill pray for you take care of yourself and youre children if you ever need to talk you cane mail at jennifer196400@hotmail.com i will help you anyway i can love jen

• Green-Moo on April 18th, 2008 at 12:21 pm

  Jen it really does sound as if you’ll be able to work things out here & I really hope that you can. Your husband sounds like he’s making a real effort.

• jennifer19 on April 18th, 2008 at 5:56 pm

  dear green-moo he is really trying to be a better father and husband hes doing and saying all the right things for me this is an emotional time forme and my kids we can onlytake thingsone day at a time and try ot move on and makeour marriage work we do really love each other we just have to work hard and try to stop rehashing the affair and fix our marriage.i hope i can forgive,trust and respect him again but i know that comes with time for know i takeit one step at a time and as for the child i hope in time we can be a happy family and he will kn wo hes loved like he was myown its just a hard situation only time will tell.thanks for listining and your support love jen

• mollyL on April 28th, 2008 at 10:42 pm

  Although your pain has been nearly unbearable, it seems as if you have learned some valuable things to help your children, your husband, and yourself. I wish you much luck.

• Green-Moo on April 29th, 2008 at 8:46 am

  I agree with Molly Jen. This sounds like it has been an experience that will make you a stronger person in the long run.

• jennifer19 on April 29th, 2008 at 3:18 pm

  i hope it can make me stronger what doesent kill you makes you stronger i know we have along road ahead of us but my first priority are my kids they will always come first.i take things one day ata time i cant say i m anywhere near forgiving him or trusting him again let alone respect him these things take time and has to be re-earned.he has alot of making up and wprk to do before anyof these things can be given.im trying and so is he and thats all we can do my emotions are still up and down but that par for the coarse wether or not the pain from h is betrayel will ever go away i dont know some people can forget other do not for me i dont think i will ever forget time will tell.i know this is one exp i would never wish on anyone my sympathese are with all those who have been betrayed love jen

• Green-Moo on April 30th, 2008 at 2:45 am

  Yes, one day at a time Jen. And you have the kids there to concentrate your effort on. Believe me, it will be worthwhile in the long run. The kids will appreciate all this, when they are old enough to understand.

• jennifer19 on April 30th, 2008 at 10:26 am

  dear green-moo thats all anyone can do in such a situation we have a long road ahead of us but i beleive we have enough love to fix the damage.i know hes deeply sorry but you still think why do it to me after 20 years but i promised myself not to look backa nd keep rehashing it its not good for us or the kids and like my mom says it only causes more pain when you fight and throw it in each others faces.im done i know the awful details and hes told me everything up front good with the bad and theres no point in bringing it up i can either move forward or leave i choose to stay because i see the pain and guilt he wears everyday and how sorry he truly is i know hell never do it again i hope we begun rebuilding and he s been very lovong caring and understanding hes the guy i fell in love with i hope he stays that way aND WE LEARN FROM THE MISTAKES OF THE PAST.HE HAS A LOT OF HARD WORK AHEAD OF HIM TO REDEEM HIMSELF IN MY EYES AND OUR KIDS BUT WE ALL AGREED TO WORK THINGS OUT .TIME WILL TELL BUT FOR KNOW THEIRS HOPE.AS FAR AS THE OTHER WOMEN SHES A bad MEMORY uNFORTUNATELY HE HAS TO PICK UP RYAN HIS SON BUT THE CONTact is by the door and minimal conversation .only the child theres no going in her house or any conversation or contact unless it has to do with the child if he breaks these rules its over and theres no second chances he knows the deal.time will tell i hope for a our marriage to become stronger and better and hope that no one willever come between us again thanks for being there and lending support it helps me alot love jen

• trick-r-treat on May 23rd, 2008 at 3:00 pm

  It really sounds like the two of you still love each other, despite everything that has gone on. I hope he has learned a valuable lesson!

• debrajean on June 1st, 2008 at 10:01 am

  I’m very certain that I wouldn’t be able to forgive my husband if this situation arose.

• stillreelingmyself on June 12th, 2008 at 7:11 pm

  I am in about the same situation. He had a child prior to meeting me. We got married and have 2 kids, and the stepchild every other weekend. He has cheated on me multiple times, and every time I forgave him. I found out several months ago that he cheated on me last year- and that a baby has been born of it.

  The only thing is, he has been in his “mid-life crisis” for the whole 10 years we have been married. The fact that he has fallen so far into his fathers footsteps of stupidity is mind-boggling. I feel like he has ruined everything. He has made very little effort to reconcile with me, be truthful, or anything. We aren’t loving. I had some recent health issues that prevented normal activities, and he seems to hate me for something I couldn’t control.

  I can’t seem to come to grips with reality. Everyone says I need to leave him, I think I do too, but I am terrified of being on my own with 2 young kids. I don’t feel like there is a marriage left, but he refuses to leave first. I have to do it. I am now on medication for depression- but that doesn’t help the co-dependence. My parents don’t live near me, so even if I wanted to be around family for support, I’d have to remove my kids from the state and my husband. Complicating the situation we are about to lose our house to forclosure, and need to file bankruptcy. I feel like a rug that has been beat down by what he did, and how he treats me. I see no future with him, but am paralyzed by indecision. I just don’t trust my own feelings anymore as he manipulated me so much- made me think things were all my fault. Thoughts appreciated.

• SageMother on July 21st, 2008 at 3:26 pm

  stillreeling,

  I have the impression that you cannot find direction, and that your fear stems from trying to absorb to much at once.

  Have you talked to a counselor and an attorney yet? Those may be the best conversations to have first. Seeing these professionals will give you a frame work to deal with.

  What do you think?

• mollyL on July 22nd, 2008 at 3:21 pm

  It’s time, I think, to stop making this unfortunate problem the only thing you think about. You can’t find rest and reconciliation if you keep raking this over and over.If you truly can’t stop obsessing about it you need to go to your doctor and get some medication to help you stop obsessing. You aren’t helping your children, your stepchild, or yourself any favours.

• Liza on July 25th, 2008 at 1:54 pm

  My heart goes out for to you both. I certainly hope the men see where they have gone wrong and do everything in the power to fix it, even though they can now fix so much and no more.

• SageMother on October 12th, 2008 at 3:37 pm

  I wonder if fellows who do this, and I am sure there are plenty of them, really think they can hide the other child from their wife forever.

  Eventually child support has to be paid, which will have a horrible effect on the wife’s household, which is impossible to hide.

  If child support is with held, there will be a court date and things coming in the mail associated with it, and the wife is bound to see some indication of what is going on.

  What do you think these fellows have running through their minds when all of these ramifications start developing?

• berlinlife06 on October 13th, 2008 at 10:23 am

  What a hard situation to go through! I can’t even imagine myself going through something like that. I guess men don’t really think the hurt they are doing…

• jennifer19 on October 13th, 2008 at 5:15 pm

  i can say it has not been an easy road it still hurts everytime i see the child i recently got an email from the ow that was resent from a year ago telling me about the affair and her sharing my hubby and havnig his child she wrote it in 2007 my husband tore her an rear end she swears she did not resend it that reunion .com resent it as mail.it didnt faze me i all ready knew the truth she felt it would give me peace she knew the truth right after she got pregnant in 2005 i didnt find out the truth till this year feb.my hubby was to scared to tell me the truth.i wanted to ball her out and tell her what the deal is and how its gonna be and tell her how much she and my hubby destroyed my family.but i know its been over between them for years and it not worth effort to even waste my breath on her.shes nothing.my hubby want sme and our kids not her.rebuilding for us is one step at a time were in a good place know he has been doing all thatv we asked of him he become a much better father and hubby our marriage is getting stronger everyday we talk things out and make our feelings known so we can work through our problems . i hope in time i can one day forgive him and trust him again.time will tell.we are in a good place know and we are bonding with his other child mykids still a hurt as i and they are s till hesitant towards him but its getting better.we are all working hard on rebuilding our lives and family.with gods help i know will be alright,one day a time jen

• Liza on October 23rd, 2008 at 12:02 pm

  Jenifer, you are really a strong woman and I lift my hat to you on what you are doing. Continue to build a strong relationship with your family.

• flowerhorn08 on October 28th, 2008 at 5:54 pm

  Jennifer19, you are indeed very different from the rest of the women out there. You are so forgiving and have an open heart. You even have a heart big enough to accept the child that your hubby fathered with the other woman. I just hope that there are more women like you in this world as we will have less divorce and more peaceful marriage. What you have displayed to me are the compassions and tolerance elements that are much needed to make a marriage a successful one! Hang in there and I believe God will be with you all the way!

• jennifer19 on October 28th, 2008 at 6:57 pm

  thank you very much for all your kind words and support it has helped me thorugh some of the hard times and good times ,but i know god is watching over us and my children are happier for it.they love there dad and so do i i pray god will grant me the strenghth to one day forgive and trust him again .i know time is what it will take but i have no doubt in the love we have shared and still do .i know hes truly remorseful and made a terrible mistake which he will regret forever, but i know hes beocme a better man i know hell never do it again because it made him relize what he almost lost.it has been awake up call for him and i beleive in my vows for better or worse.i hope more people try to save there marriages instead of walk away its not that easy when you have all those years together and have children to think about.i put my kids above sll.i think ive learned alot in all of this and my husband toi have a deep faith and i consioder myself a strong women.i know together we can make it work.thank you i will hang there and god wil help us through the rest thanks will keep you all posted love jennifer

• Liza on October 28th, 2008 at 7:28 pm

  Jennifer, just seeing this last post you made has strengthened something inside me which allows me to feel more resolute in making my relationship work for better or worse.

• jennifer19 on October 28th, 2008 at 7:56 pm

  dear liza, i hope you find the strength to make your relationship work,it is not an easy road but if both are willing i always beleive true love can conquer all.i will keep you in my prayers.i think inlife some times people make foolish or wrong choices .some of us never go down that road but sometimes people do things without thinking.the damage affairs cause take time to repair trust and respect have to earned and ut when rebuilt.when we took our vows it for better or worse i always beleive what doesent kill you makes you stronger.i think you soiund like a women who stood by her man and her marriage and it sounds like you to want to save it and work it out,i beleive you will make it.if you ever need advice or a friend to talk i hope i can help you in anyway.take care of yourself and good luck i hope you find it in yourself to make it work love jen

• ACCER on November 1st, 2008 at 12:22 pm

  What a horrible situation! I agree with sage mother. It’s MY marriage and I raise the kids. The woman should have thought about the possibility when she was messing around with a married man.

  Of course it would be something for the lawyers to fight about after my husbands funeral…

  I admire any woman who could keep a marriage after that kind of betrayal.

• flowerhorn08 on November 27th, 2008 at 5:28 am

  Jen, I must give you a medal for being such a strong woman in going through a horrible event that you have gone through. Most women would never have the will power to pull out such a feat!

• debrajean on December 2nd, 2008 at 5:24 pm

  I don’t believe that bringing the child into your home to live is the best solution. I believe that if the woman is a good mother, the child should stay with her. I do believe though, that visitation should be granted to the father. Contact with the child’s mother from your husband can be strictly monitored by you. Each time he picks up the child or she drops the child off, be there. I hope you can work this out and not be detrimental to the child’s well-being.

• SageMother on December 4th, 2008 at 8:33 am

  I think custody could be settled long before the child is old enough to know anything has changed.

  I would have fewer problems adopting and the child myself than I would with my husband having visitation, paying child support, and having the child’s mother as part of our extended family.

• Diagada on April 5th, 2009 at 1:04 pm

  the same thing has just happened to me.I have been married for 27 years and my husband just got served papers to pay child support. The baby is 2 months old. Our children are 26 and 22. I just don’t know what to do?

• jennifer on April 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm

  dear diagada,im so sorry that youre going through the same nightmare ive been living for 14 months.my heart goes out to you, i can tell you give yourself time to absorb all you been dealt think long and hard when you can think calmy which wont be easy because you are raw and realing with emotion.i know i wanted to leave to and walk away but i thought ofmy children and no matter what he did i still loved the man even though he destroyed our family in an instant, first make sure the child is his and then you must decide do you want to save your marriage and does he . you must also lay down thelaw his life must become an open book and he must be willing to save the marriage as well all contact with the ow must be cut for good his only contact should be with the child if he chooses i would get a lawyer to handle the child support and visitation if its his. i can tell you will have good and bad days and he must hear it all dont be afraid to tell him how you feel you need that to heal above all remember to take care of yourself .only you csan truly decide what it is you want it is avery hard thing to live with and except i do know my husband and i are tsaking things one day at a time there a good and bad days iv ehad some hell because the ow is a pyscho who has harrased and stalked me but she been dealt with .seeing the child will bedevastiating it willmake you cry and want to die but remember the child is innocent and not to blame he and her are.they must take respopnsibilty for there actions i can tell you my husband are better of than we were a yr ago but we still have alot to work through and remeber you did nothing wrong they did. and sdont let anyone make you take blame.if it is worth saving you willknow in your heart what to do think and think long andhard before you decide know you are not alone im am here for you if you need support or a friend please contact me i will keep you inmy prayers good luck stay strong

• Taggart on June 2nd, 2009 at 4:54 am

  That sounds like a very challenging situation to have to deal with. To make it even more so, it sounds as if he’s sincere in his sorrow for what he’s done, and really wants to stay with you.

  If you feel that you want to remain with him, I think you may have a good chance for success, because you do seem very strong. I wish you happiness and peace of mind, but I’m sure it won’t come easily.

• Diagada on June 3rd, 2009 at 4:58 am

  Well the child is his. She has been stalking and harassing the whole family. She showed up at my older daughter’s house to tell her the news. Hey, do you want to meet your little sister? My husband hadn’t even opened his mail yet. He pressed charges for stalking and harassment and she was served 2 citations. I hope she has to go to jail.
  He threatened her about taking sole custody. Maybe she will just disappear. If he does get custody he is giving it up for adoption. Thanks for your support. D

• jennifer on June 3rd, 2009 at 12:01 pm

  dear diagada,im sorry that you have to deal with such a deranged women my husbands mistress was no better she wrote me for yrs on reunion .com telling me all about their affair and all the lovely details as well at first it destroyed me my kids are still amess over this womens medling but i put a stop to her i wrote her and letter and told her what the deal . was . i blocked her from contacting meand and told her if she calls my home or trys to come here or ever writes me again i will get the police involved. your husband did the right thing getting the police involved.what ever yuo rhusband does as far as custody is up to the both of you if you stay toghther .you have a long road ahead of you and need time to heal and your children need time to heal. both of you must work together.this will not get solved in a day.it will take yrs to solve.i wish you both luck but remember to help yourself and dont forget to take care of yourself and you children . good luck and i will pray for your family take care and keep in touch.love jennifer

• Narisha on October 22nd, 2009 at 7:07 am

  Calypso: Thanks for being a voice of sanity among all these morons. The OW is a human being who was also duped and hurt by the man. I am sure that she loves her child just as much or even more than anyone else. For her he isn’t a mistake but the result of her love for this man. The child is not some object to be fought over and dragged around to satisfy someone else’s ego. Wake up people would you have liked anyone to rip you away from your birth mother because they can’t accept the fact that the marriage was damaged in the first place and that is the reason why the father was out looking for other unsuspecting women.

• jennifer novakovic on October 24th, 2009 at 9:55 pm

  Dear Narisha, i resent the fact that you are addressing all of us a morons, i am not one, you no nothing of my life or even what it feels like to be hurt and betrayed that way , i was and still am a good loving an loyal wife to a man ive done nothing but do everything for and have sacrifised everything for him,my husband did what he did because he was a coward and a loser he couldnt deal with life, his excuses were a midlife crisis and the fact that he couldnt deal or stand by his wife of 26 yrs who was battling a life threatening illness, he went of to get laid while i had to raise our two children alone and fight for my life while batteling severe illnesses,we were always happy and never were unhappy , he just looked for an escape rather than be supportive and honor his vows .he forgot about in sickness and in healt part.he not only destroyed mine and my childrens lives but he destroyed his familys to,he blew off his kids to great dad he is.i will tell you this the other women in my case is a coniving bitch who does everything she can to hurt me and my children, she knew from day one that he was married and knew he was not gonna leave his wife she lied and said she couldnt get pregant and did any way mind you she has 3 other kids so she not infertile as she claimed,she has done nothing but harrass me and my kids with cruel emails and phone calls telling me all about there sexual exploits, plus she lies and tells me stories that i dont know my husband and that he still wants her and plans onleaving me and the kids mind you we are stronger nad better than ever so she lied and she lost but she doesent get the message,.also she uses her own 4 yr old to tell stories of there affair to my kids so they tell me so you see what a great mom she is i would never use any child in that way. i will tell you ryan who is the other child is well treated and well loved and he adores me i treat him with all the love and respect just the same as i do my own,i believe he belongs with his mom because he after all is a victim just as much as we are, he an innocent in all this and my heart breaks for him when he will learn the truth . he will be destroyed just as my kids were but the diference is i would help him thorugh it and not use him to hurt his own siblings or step mom. so this is to let you know my marriage was good and solid he was just a coward and ran when his wife got ill and and he couldnt deal with getting older to bad for him we all deal with stuff the diffrence between me and him is that i stood by hima nd will always be there for him and my children and even be there for my step son ryan i am more of a man than he wil ever be i will let you know wr are working through it and are stronger than ever she and no other women will ever come between our marriage again, i forgave him half way it will take me time he still had alot of work to do to be a better dad and hubby and make up for all the pain and suffering he caused but we will give him time and support him so please understand it from a women who has walked a mile in ,my shoes,i will agree the child should stay with his mom one no matter how much of a bitch she is deserves to lose her child , jen

• eva quispe on October 15th, 2010 at 9:33 am

  i hate all wives cheaters cause pain destroy lives die in hell

• Angel on June 5th, 2011 at 8:48 am

  Jennifer19, I can totally feel literally where your coming from with a cheating husband. I’ve only been remarried to my 1st husband since June 2010. By July 2010, my husband moved a couch for her, by Aug 2010 he was contacting her directly by phone, then the beginning of Sept 2010 they were being intimate. Oct 2010 is when I found out & he didn’t even flinch when I confronted him. We made up the 1st time on Oct 26th & I thought the affair was over. I had found out on the internet & from him that she was trying to get pregnant & that they had talked about having a child together before I even knew about the affair. The claim from him the reason why he did it was finally revealed to me this past Sunday. It has taken him 6 or 7 months for it to come out of his mouth why he cheated. Now she’s pregnant, 3 months to be exact! I have NO CHILDREN OF MY OWN. HIS 1 & ONLY DESCENDANT will be 22yrs old this year & he’s refusing to have a DNA test done as well because he states, “WHY HAVE A DNA TEST DONE WHEN I KNOW FOR A FACT IT’S MINE?” The thing is though is that he truly don’t know if it’s his. His mistress was with him when they were 17 & 18 but they never got pregnant. He was with his son’s mother for several yrs & they had his one & only child. When we were married the 1st time, we were together for 9yrs & I never got pregnant. He has been with numerous other women since before we got back together in 2005 that were more than fertile enough to have children & none of them got pregnant. Then we’ve been back together for 6yrs now & I still haven’t been pregnant. Now he has this affair that lasted from Sept 2010 to Feb 2011 & he’s not wanting a DNA test done????? He should be the 1st one to want a DNA test done. PICTURE THIS (HE’S 40YR OLD WILL BE 41YR OLD THIS YR) HE’S ONLY HAD 1 CHILD ALMOST 22YRS AGO & HAS NEVER GOTTEN ANYONE ELSE EVER PREGNANT! What is wrong with this picture? Now she’s 39yr will be 40yr this year & why her & why now & why does he want this kid so much? Jennifer the only difference between your situation & mine at the moment is that the kid isn’t here yet to have the test done. If she makes it full term I will then have to live @ looking @ that child & being reminded of his infidelities as well. Also that your husband is being a concerned, wanting to keep you & be open with you, answering your questions & wanting to prove you & the kids is where he wants to be. I love my husband as well & I am living my nightmare everyday as well. The only thing I can tell you going through the same thing……I’ve already been through all I can go through with my husband. Learning about the affair, making up, the affair continuing, making up, being committed into a mental institute, making up, the affair continuing, kicking him out finally, making up, end result just to find out that she’s now pregnant. I’m doing the best that I can to keep my sanity as well. I say I only wish my husband would act like yours through this difficult time in our lives. If you LOVE YOUR HUSBAND STILL & your feelings are strong enough that you yourself think you can survive, THEN STAY & WORK IT OUT! It’s hard enough that the kids are involved, but truth is you can’t stay just for the kids because as long as you talk to them if their old enough to understand & let them know what’s going on (trying to refrain yourself from bashing him) then they may take the breakup a little better. It’s still going to hurt everyone involved to not have everyone together anymore but sometimes lives are better lived apart. In my case I am madly deeply still IN LOVE with my husband & I am choosing to stay & try to work it out with my husband, because I want to believe we will survive this. I believe if you believe in your marriage as well it would be worth it to try. I look at it this way, I’ve already been through all that can be thrown at me, I owe it to my devotion still to my marriage to try to continue to work on it through the birth & demand & even court order if I can a DNA test not only for him to know if he’s the true father but also for me & his son as well. His own son doesn’t even believe that it’s his dad’s. So I say if you love your husband & want to work on saving your marriage then GO FOR IT GIRL! It’s definitely gonna be hard & you’ll have your days that you feel like just walking up to him & socking him right in the face, keep faith & love in your heart. I wish you the best of luck & hope your marriage will survive successfully

• Kellie on August 22nd, 2011 at 10:50 am

  I just recently found out that he fathered a baby with another woman. He didn’t tell me. I found out by her social network picture and when I confronted him he played stupid, until I showed him the proof. We have almost 15 years and 2 young children together. He wants to work things out. I want him to disappear forever because that would hurt less. I love him and I want to go to counseling to try to work things out. But I don’t know how I could ever trust him when he goes to pick up this child or drop it off to the OW. And how do you get past where the child came from and learn to accept and love that child? I know that if we work things out, that child will be a part of the rest of our lives. I don’t want to treat that child with resentment or want to be hurt every time the OW comes to get her child. My children deserve to know their sibling and I feel like my kids deserve to know that I tried every thing possible to make them have their dad and me in the same household. How do you deal with this??

• Aly on October 8th, 2011 at 8:16 am

  I am going through almost the same issue in my marriage. We have three boys together and my husband (not even being married for six months) got drunk and had an affair four times in one night. Now the woman is expecting but doesn’t know who the father is. She doesn’t want the child and was using drugs hoping to kill the life inside her. Thankfully, she was picked up and through in jail for drug use. The worst thing of all this is my husband cheated on me five weeks later with a “friend”. I don’t know how I’m handling all this, but I can tell u I take it day by day. Life is a miracle that we should enjoy. Think of your children and yourself now. Focus on what your children’s and YOUR needs and wants are. I’m still with my husband and he tells me he has to bare with his actions of hurting and betraying the kids and me ever day. He also is trying to earn my trust back. Believe me, it’s not going to be easy. My heart goes out to you and I feel your pain. Look inside yourself for the power to know you’re a better person and you deserve to be happy. Good luck and my thoughts are with u.

• Denise Dawson on December 7th, 2011 at 9:32 am

  My husband cheated as well and there is a women with two kids; we have four children and have been married 27 years. He had them “hidden”, and when confronted with the truth was remorseful. I am, however, totally devestated, as are our children. The level of deceipt and coverup are almost too hard to bear. I find myself obsessing as well. I have contacted a counselor for help with healing. He has rededicated himself to me and our children, but it hurts so much, I really don’t know if I am capable of forgiving him or if I should. Upon contact with this OW, her attitude and tone were disrespectful, which only added insult to injury. I feel oftentimes numb inside, and trust is not there for me. I pray that I can forgive, if not, it will be much easier for me to not have him in my life. He will always be our children’s father, but I would rather not have him in my life if I can not get past the pain.

• hunterpiesmommy on January 9th, 2012 at 2:13 pm

  Hello Jennifer
  My Husband had cheated on my last year and I found out a week before christmas than he broke it off with me xmas eve. I have a one year old son with him and he is the presious lil guy After I had found out he had cheated I also found out that he was using so I felt our lives were in danger so I pack whatever that I could pack in the car of my sons and I left. Than he calls me weeks later saying he was sorry and he needed me so I went but only to find out that he was still seeing that witch I would like to call her something esle. This whole I love you and needed u crap went on for almost a year. Last year in February he had told me that she was pregnant. Today that child is 3monthsthe old and we have been together since oct 3and he has been clean on the same day. But now that the other child sis born he wants to visit the child and introduce our 1year old to his half brother I don’t want him to I feel like it will ruined his lil happiness and lil personality that he has. My husband want me to help care for his other child I had told him I will but im not sure I f I really can asthat child will be a contestants remind of what he had done to ruin our family. He tells me to get over it what done is done nothing he can do about. I’ve been through he’ll and back for him now im not sure if I want to stay wit him