But the time finally came when she really has to end the relationship once and for all. It became impossible for them to talk without getting into an argument. Therefore, two years ago, after catching her husband red-handed with one of their house cleaners, she put her foot down. Now she knew better, she really had to let go of the relationship.
It is in this kind of situation that one might ponder on the thought of holding on just to save the relationship. In most cases of problem on relationships, an individual would dare to think if he or she should let go or will it be better to stay and try to change things for the better.
At first, it becomes a matter of choice. It is a tough decision you have to make. But the choice to let go and leave the other person is such a heartbreaking experience that your heart seem to cry with such excruciating pain that no one would dare go for on an instant.
What is even worse is for the mothers or the fathers out there who would try to contemplate on hanging on for the sake of the children.
In reality, this part is greatly attributed for the mothers because according to the statistical reports of the census, nearly 85% of all the children that show signs of “behavioral disorders” come from “fatherless homes.” This goes to show that it is the father that is most likely to leave the home compared to the mother.
The Agony of Love
For any relationship between a man and a woman, it would be better if they will both make things work out. We cannot dismiss the fact that problems really do thrive in a relationship. In fact, it is the basic ingredient that would make the relationship stronger. 85% of successfully married couples for almost 20 years insisted that their quarrels have been the threshold to a long-lasting relationship.
The only problem with other couples is that they do not know how to deal with the problems easily. What is even worse is that the other person or both of them give up easily.
Some clinical psychologists that are expert on marital affairs asserted that there are three things that a couple should learn to make use of so that they will know whether or not the bond that unites them as one could still be revived.
Here are the three things that the couple should use in their evaluation:
1. Learn how to transform your mate so as to live a mutually harmonious life.
2. Learn to accept the feeling that even if you feel that there is any more between you and your partner, you really just cannot find it easy to leave and so it is better to find a way to save the relationship.
3. Learn to accept the truth if it was you who was you who was so irrational and that you should learn how to find ways to change it.
4. Without any other reason and priorities, learn to make things work out just for the children’s sake.
5. To accept the fact that even if there is nothing wrong with your mate, you just could not accept the fact that you are not contented and happy with him anymore.
These are just a few of the many things that the experts would want couples to deliberate so that they could find the answers themselves whether or not it is appropriate for them to leave or to stay.
The problem with some people, especially women, is that they ten to hold on to the fact that their husbands might change. That in spite of the abuses and the pain that they continuously experience, they still believe that there will be changes, even if they do not know exactly when that will be. For this, almost 50% of the reported abused women chose to stay with their husbands.
Given that premise, the question of “Should I stay or should I go?” is not merely a choice. It is a life, where your future will absolutely depend on your answers.
Indeed, nobody knows the answer better than you do. So take time to think things over and ponder hard on the consequences of your actions.
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Many women don’t see a choice in leaving because of reasons like job security and not having a partner to show off when they go out.
If this marriage has been over fifty years long, both husband and wife must be entering their elder years. If the wife turned a blind eye all that time, I can’t understand why she would want a divorce now. It isn’t the best of ages to be free, if only for the sake of companionship. So many elders are lonely and have to live alone due to death of a spouse. My advice would be fire the house cleaner, get a new one, and find some other way to make hubby pay, if it’s that important to you.
It does seem that the,length of the marriage makes splitting up seem frivolous, but can you imagine what the wife is seeing?
Things have changed a lot for women since she married. Everyday she sees unrealized possibilities and weighs them against the life she has had to endure.
As a hospice worker, I see examples every day of couples who’ve stuck it out through loveless marriages. When the cheating spouse dies, the other spouse’s response is often relief or even elation as opposed to grief. It seems sad that some women think death is their only way out of a marriage that just isn’t working.
Liza,
Those are very good reasons to stay with a partner that has cheating on you, and I can even list a lot more that I’ve heard in the past from my other friends.
But you know what they are? They are justifications to make something wrong right. It’s like sweeping the dirt behind the door just to keep it out of site. But you know what, the dirt will still be there and if you just keep on sweeping more dirt there, pretty soon you won’t be able to hide it anymore.
Everyone must begin the day with a justification. We get in our cars and drive, knowing that we are taking our lives in our hands, employers expect us to do so even when the weather warrants staying home and avoiding icy roads.
Being human is messy. There is no perfection.
Accepting these imperfections is what some might call stupid, others call it grace, others don’t care.
I might be glad to have a rug to sweep my dirt under, if I was more secure doing that then anything else.
I think a woman leaving the security of a relationship after fifty years is very brave.
mollyL, love the advice!
SageMother, also, maybe the kids are out of the house and she is finally free to do the things she has always wanted to do.
And I guess she finally crossed off #1 on her list by leaving her husband. There is a breaking point and she’s definitely reached hers.
Calypso, that’s so dismal.
I’m surprised they didn’t end up killing each other instead of waiting for a natural death. Of course, if it was me, I’d make sure he had a good life insurance so I can enjoy my life after. Wouldn’t you?
Green- Moo, you are so very right!
This woman is considering walking into a world that she may know little about. That indicates a great deal of bravery, and illustrates how miserable her marriage must have been all of these years!
I suppose as one draws nearer the end of life you start to think about the things that you haven’t achieved. Perhaps this has encouraged her to turn her world upside down.
Imaginary Diva, I think the large life insurance policy sounds like a good idea!
Usually by the time I see them on hospice, the fussing and the feuding have stopped and there’s just a leaden, cold silence throughout the house. No communication whatsoever and certainly no tears. It’s all very sad.
Diva
Some women has been depending on their men for years and have no idea as to the amount of strength they possess in themselves, so they allow themselves to be cheated on and lied to. It’s just sad.
SageMother, you are right about that. There is just one way to best decribe it, and the word is stupidity.
Calypso, could be.
It’s good to know that we are still the masters of our lives and it doesn’t matter how old we are. There must have been more reasons for her to stay with him. Good for her!
Imaginary Diva, I think calling women who stay put ’stupid’ is a little harsh. You have to bear in mind that many of the older generation went into their marriages with different expectations and less choice than women do today. It’s not easy to leave those behind.
SageMother, I think this should serve as a message that we have the right to do what we want at any age….. I think what she did was brave and courageous especially since the world has changed so much since she was single.
Green-Moo, and she’s probably having the time of her life without the shackles of an emotionally abusive husband.
Yes, imagine the things she can now do.
I remember that when an elderly friend’s husband died, she suddenly started drinking her tea very weak when she’d drunk it strong for as long as any of us had known her. It was only when we questioned it that she admitted she’d drunk it that way throughout her marriage as that’s how her husband liked it!
Such a little thing, but imagine the number of cups of tea that amounted to over the course of a marriage. She didn’t mind as her marriage was happy, but imagine the resentment that would have built up it had not been.
Calypso, that’s so sad indeed.
Liza, we should never sell ourselves short of what we deserve. We should never settle for someone who tramples on our feelings and expect everything to be okay even after they’ve done that. It’s not right.
Green-Moo, it’s usually little things like this that makes or break a relationship and cause resentment between the two partners.
I think that is such a lovely story and that’s how every relationship should be.
I remember when one of my friends broke up with her partner of many years, the first thing she did was buy a dog. She and her partner had always had cats, and she wanted a dog. She said besides doing something nice for herself, getting the dog was a concrete reminder that she had turned a corner in her life and was ready for better things.
I thought it was a lovely story too, but that’s because I know the couple were very happy together.
You could look at a story like this in two ways. You could see a sacrifice like this is being something that could breed resentment, or you could view someone putting their own desires second for so long as a sign of true love.
Calypso, that’s such a great story. Thanks for sharing it with us.
A lot of women change their hair style after a relationship breaks down. It’s a sign to themselves that they are moving on.
Itis important to remember that for everything that hurts, there is something that heals. That healing comes from within ourselves.
Green-Moo, I guess probably changing our hairstyle is a better way to express to everyone around us that things are changing in our lives.
SageMother, starting the healing process can be really slow and very hard… but once it does, this hurt just becomes another life lesson that we learn from.
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