Hopefully a little healthy suspicion now will be needed less in the future.

Blind trust makes it MUCH too easy for someone to pull the proverbial wool over our eyes.

I keep saying thank you for the advice, i really do appreciate all the comments. To be honest with you all, i feel like i am on a roller coaster.
Before anyone rolls their eyes saying hes done it again, here is an update.

At first everything was ok, apart from trust issues and hurtness etc etc, we both put in alot of effort, you know making each other happy being especially nice. Now just like most men, my hubby thought that since i had not mentioned it or anything it had all been forgotten, and like most females i had not forgotten nor had i gotten over it (emotionally, trust issues etc) i was just trying to move forward, so when the hubby started being an ar*se again by ignoring how i felt about it, we would end up arguing and of course i would end up throwing it in his face (so to speak) and then he would say really hurtful things like it was all my fault (i know its not, cause i sure as hell didnt force him to chat up some wanna be actress who lives in NY and do what he did.
As you can imagine, this has sent me spiralling out of control emotionally, then on top of all of this our eldest son is acting out which is also adding strain to my very tender broken emotional side, i have also had to deal with hubbies dad going missing and being found passed from this world, the funeral all while he was away in August. So all in all a very stressful year i have had (roll on 2009!!!).
For me it is important that we continue to talk about how we feel about any issue not just that one, it is important to me that we rebuild our marriage, as it is for him.
I only have is word on things, and the trust is certainly not there, but i have found that if we are to stay together then the stick has to be put in the sand so we can move onward with our lives.
That is not to say that if he goes away, or goes out or if i notice an odd email (i have had free access to his private emails and facebook accounts – he knows, i am not being sneeky)or message that i dont get worried, a little anxious and need to question him and get reassurance. all in all he is complying with this need of mine. As he should if he is serious about being sorry and stuff.

This is of course the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with and i am not always successful at it, but with love and support from those in the know and of course hubby we will be ok.

on another note, one of the biggest challenges i have found is some people who do not respect my decision to stay with him and rebuild our marriage. i still do not know if it will work out, but when i was young, if you have something worth fighting for then fight for it. Even though i did not do what he did, the 12 months prior to his little fling were not entirely happy ones in our marriage and i do know this played a part in his actions. Plus i love him, so in this instance i will not loose my marriage, my hubby, my friend, my lover without fighting dam hard for it first. If it doesnt work out, yes i will be sad, i will be gutted, but at least i will know that i didnt give up without a fight.
This is right for me and i know a lot of you out there this isnt right, and some men are just creeps permanently and you should leave them. If he does it again, he knows he has lost me, once bitten twice shy ……

Thanks again for all the support, day by day, week by week, month by month, we get stronger and better.

kia Kaha (be strong)

Tendy

If one can use a bad experience as a learning tool, they are at least 2 steps ahead of those who have never faced adversities!