So, you have caught him in the act of cheating on you, and now you want to bring him back into your life. Can you really learn to forgive him for straying from your heart? This is a tough question only few women are going to be able to answer truthfully.
You can bring back the man who is cheating on you, no matter how far the cheating has went, and no matter how bad the hurt is really inside your heart. The trick to bringing back a man is to think back to a point in your life together, that will show you what he loves the most.
Does he have to be babied all the time? Does he want supper on the table at a certain hour?
Does your ex feel that he should be making the money in the home? On the other hand, perhaps you have always given your complete attention to this man? While you want to bring back the man you love, and change his ways there are a few things you will have to change as well to bring him back and keep him.
You can be sneaky or just outright changed, but it will depend on how much you want this man back in your life.
1) What Should You Do To Keep The Relationship?
You can be sneaky about the attack. If you feel certain you love this man, and you want him back find out where he will be and when he will be there as often as you can. Make it a point to be in the same places, and at the same parties. Get your hair done, your nails done, and be fun loving self.
Talk to everyone in the room but him the entire night so he feels your presence but not your attention. As you are getting ready to leave for the night, be sure to say hello, and nothing more to your ex, but it is important to do it with a smile.
After a few ‘run ins’ like this on several different occasions you are going to be on his mind all the time which will lead him to want you more and more, until he calls you. The only way this sneaky method is going to work is if you are able to act as if nothing bothers you, avoid the fact he cheating, don’t talk about it with others in the room and more importantly don’t embarrass either of you by saying anything in public.
Build his awareness of your creative sexiness, and availability without giving him the satisfaction of seeing you mope around. Be fun, loving, and sexy with every one in the room, as you make him notice you are a woman who can get by without him. Most men feel the urge to be in a woman’s life when they realize they are not needed, as strange as it may seem.
2) How Do You Decide It is Time To Leave The Relationship
The pain you feel every time you see your ex, no matter how much you love him is going to help you determine if it is time to leave him. If you feel you, need him back only because he left you, or that because his heart is not following yours own, it could be time to leave the cheater behind?
The pain you feel because you love a person, unconditionally is different from the pain you feel because you have been ‘dissed’. How can you tell the difference? If you feel angry because he is cheating, you are not truly missing him. If you want to hurt him, you are not truly in love with him.
If you miss how he holds you, talks with you, or you miss how you spend time together just being together; you miss him and should think about taking the cheater back.
3) Should You Give Him A Chance?
The decision to let him go is going to be one that is difficult to make, but you can make it on your own. The feelings of anger, and embarrassment are going to be two feelings that are difficult to overcome.
These feelings are going to put a roadblock in the relationship forever, as you can never rebuild the trust while these feelings are present.
If you can’t get passed the anger, and the feeling of abandonment, you should leave him where he is with someone else. If you feel confident in yourself, and in your abilities to get by without the man, but you miss him in your life you should try to get him back.
The only real reason to give a man, who has cheated on you in some or in any manner, is going to be based on the fact of LOVE, and not a need.
If you need him to care for the children, if you need him to pay the bills, or if you need him for other materialistic things, you should leave him be, no matter how hard it is. If you want the man in your life, just because of the love, you have shared, and the memories you have built together, you should track him down and make him yours again.
Being together, as a couple for love no matter what else, is reason enough to track the man down and give him another chance – but overall you are going to have to sit back and do some serious thinking about the relationship before taking that leap.
Find the difference between the need and the want and you will be able to confront yourself, making a solid choice for your life and the cheating man.
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I reckon the sneaky attack detailed here would frighten the hell out of most blokes I know. They’d think you were stalking them! And they’d be pretty much right.
Unless we had some serious talks and figured out why the cheating happened and what would prevent it from happening again, I wouldn’t be comfortable letting a cheater back into my life. Respect means a lot to me, and if someone can’t even respect me enough to be honest and faithful, that’s a very bad sign for the relationship.
It certainly would help to clarify matters if you did make the determination as to wanting or needing him. You can save yourself a lot of time and heartache if you knew that.
Some women have had men who cheated on them very often and they stay because they believe that they will change, they do all the right things and still he cheats. Such women needs to kick such men to the curb, no reconciliation.
The sad thing is Liza, that some of these women then blame themselves for not being able to keep their man faithful.
Green-Moo, I know, but love knows no stalking boundaries sometime.
mollyL, it’s all because we dwell on the good times instead of the bad times.
During a breakup, we seem to forget what really happened and then we end up being in this cloud of trying to get the ex back eventhough we knew at one time that we thought they were bad for us.
I guess it’s just human nature to want something that we don’t have.
Calypso,
There really isn’t such a thing as “talking about it reasonably” when it comes to cheating. Bottom line is, you’ve been betrayed. Hurt and vengeance are usually one of the first emotions that surface. I know I wouldn’t be able to think straight if I found out that my husband cheated on me, much less try to carry off a logical conversation as to why it happened.
Most women I know just want that reassurance that it will never happen again and most that cheat say that. Believe it or not, cheaters are human just like us and no matter what…. we don’t like change from what is familiar, that’s why they will always try to stay first.
Just because you give them another chance doesn’t mean all the little demons in your head whispering “he’s cheating on you right now” is just going to go away. You have a tough battle ahead of you.
Liza,
Kick them out to the curb and let their cheating asses rot in hell!
Diva, I didn’t mean to have the “talk” the day you find out about the affair. Even the most emotionally mature people in the world wouldn’t be able to pull that off!
But I do think that any reconciliation attempt needs to involve talking at the very least and probably counseling. Else the same thing will just keep happening.
But, on reflection, aren’t all these games counter-productive? It could be that your SO knows what you are doing and revels in it! What next?
Yes Molly, think of that! What an ego boost for him, watching you going to all this effort on his bahlf.
Green-Moo, I know so many women that have taken the blame for their men cheating.
People change and no one can control that. It’s just unfortunate that the men just didn’t say goodbye and moved on, they have to drag it on until they get caught!
Men drag it on until they get caught because they are having their cake and eating it too. Why give up the “fun” elsewhere and the all the things that get done for them at home until absoultely necessary? That’s exactly how these pea brained men think.
Calypso,
Definitely and both parties have to be willing to work on it and not just go through the motions of getting counseling.
Amc, it’s also possible that a cheating partner has got themselves into a corner they had no intention of being in, and really don’t know how best to extricate themselves.
mollyL, isn’t it always just about who’s got the last laugh over it. Might be a temporary one considering after everything is over and done, nobody really is a winner.
Green-Moo, some people really do have a weird satisfaction that they’ve put you in so much pain.
I don’t really know what is up with that.
Imaginary Diva, I guess that if they think you are hurting over them it gives them an inflated sense of their own self worth.
amc, and we shouldn’t let this happen….. It’s really not fair!
Mind you, statistics say that more women are cheating on their partners then men.
Green-Moo, of course, cheaters find themselves in positions that they didn’t want to be in! Especially when they get busted and all hell’s broken loose.
Remorse comes too late for this.
Green-Moo, some do take some crazy satisfaction in seeing other people hurt.
I still think I’d rather put all that energy into building a new relationship rather than chasing after some jerk who cheated on me. Of course, it’s easy for me to say that right now. Who knows how I’d react if it really happened?
Calypso, that is something that I would do…. move and find someone else who is worth all the love and affection.
I just finished telling the same thing to a girlfriend on the telephone. She just found out that her fiance has been cheating on her!
I’m with you there too Calypso. I don’t see the point in flogging a dead horse personally.
That’s how most women feel when they are not in the position, but to actually experience especially if your life is tied up with this person in terms of mortgage, bank accounts etc. It’s much harder.
Liza, I think “harder” is too mild of a word. I think having to separate assets and debts accumulated during a relationship is horribly painful. It’s just as bad as the dissolving of the relationship.
I’ve been in a common law relationship that just became plain nasty because we owned a few properties. It was so downright ugly at the end.
I am not sure how helpful the article was. It raised a few questions that would be important in those circumstances, but I disagreed with some of the advice given.