Comments on: The Aftermath of Infidelity http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html Real Cheating and Infidelity - Stories and Advice Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:32:12 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Uriah http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html/comment-page-2#comment-146501 Uriah Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:21:32 +0000 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html#comment-146501 ID...thanks for this article. Very helpful. I recently discovered that, while on a 3 week business trip, my wife slept with a guy she barely knew...3 times! They did just about everything you could imagine two people doing, leaving very few things that are still "just between us." I have gone through each of the stages you outline here, staying longer at some than others, but the one thing I can't get past is how badly I want to sleep with the other man's wife. My wife and I met when we were 16 and have never (until now, anyway) been with anyone else. My motivation is not revenge per se, but I do feel a loosening of the moral binds that have kept me monogomous to the same woman for 21 years. I am a healthy man that has always looked and desired, but never touched. It just feels like I deserve the opportunity that she took. She does want to work things out, has been completely honest with me, ended all contact and wants to move on. I want it all to work, but I want the experience that I have been denying myself my whole life. Resisting temptation is getting *very* difficult. I know that if I give in, though, she won't be as strong and resilient as I have been. Guys I just have to man up, gut it out and hope the feelings go away. I know I've got to show my boys that real men don't take other men's wives, don't run from challenges or give up easily and, above all, don't compromise their beliefs in the face of adversity. That being said, though...I *really* want to sleep with the other man's woman! :-/ ID…thanks for this article. Very helpful. I recently discovered that, while on a 3 week business trip, my wife slept with a guy she barely knew…3 times! They did just about everything you could imagine two people doing, leaving very few things that are still “just between us.” I have gone through each of the stages you outline here, staying longer at some than others, but the one thing I can’t get past is how badly I want to sleep with the other man’s wife. My wife and I met when we were 16 and have never (until now, anyway) been with anyone else. My motivation is not revenge per se, but I do feel a loosening of the moral binds that have kept me monogomous to the same woman for 21 years. I am a healthy man that has always looked and desired, but never touched. It just feels like I deserve the opportunity that she took. She does want to work things out, has been completely honest with me, ended all contact and wants to move on. I want it all to work, but I want the experience that I have been denying myself my whole life. Resisting temptation is getting *very* difficult. I know that if I give in, though, she won’t be as strong and resilient as I have been. Guys I just have to man up, gut it out and hope the feelings go away. I know I’ve got to show my boys that real men don’t take other men’s wives, don’t run from challenges or give up easily and, above all, don’t compromise their beliefs in the face of adversity. That being said, though…I *really* want to sleep with the other man’s woman! :-/

]]> By: Imaginary Diva http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html/comment-page-2#comment-143306 Imaginary Diva Thu, 30 Apr 2009 00:28:58 +0000 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html#comment-143306 Hi Chris1203, Maybe sometime you can share with us your experiences. It might be helpful to others that visit our site that are looking for advice. Hi Chris1203,

Maybe sometime you can share with us your experiences. It might be helpful to others that visit our site that are looking for advice.

]]> By: Katharina http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html/comment-page-2#comment-141629 Katharina Fri, 10 Apr 2009 12:06:32 +0000 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html#comment-141629 SageMother said that "staying" can inflict worse damage than leaving. That is *so* very true and I never understood why so many people didn't "get" that. Maybe I'm just one who finds it extremely difficult to trust again but if I'd be cheated on, I wouldn't want to stick around to see how I'd handle the "next time." There would be no opportunity for a next time and I'd escape with whatever self esteem I had left. SageMother said that “staying” can inflict worse damage than leaving. That is *so* very true and I never understood why so many people didn’t “get” that.

Maybe I’m just one who finds it extremely difficult to trust again but if I’d be cheated on, I wouldn’t want to stick around to see how I’d handle the “next time.” There would be no opportunity for a next time and I’d escape with whatever self esteem I had left.

]]> By: kernow http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html/comment-page-1#comment-141576 kernow Thu, 09 Apr 2009 22:11:05 +0000 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html#comment-141576 It was a very good article, lots to think about. I am sure that many people will find the advice helpful. It was a very good article, lots to think about. I am sure that many people will find the advice helpful.

]]> By: chris1203 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html/comment-page-1#comment-11019 chris1203 Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:10:57 +0000 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html#comment-11019 I have lived through my husband's past affair, and experienced all of the stages that you have outlined. Thank you for an excellent article. I have lived through my husband’s past affair, and experienced all of the stages that you have outlined. Thank you for an excellent article.

]]> By: Justontime http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html/comment-page-1#comment-10035 Justontime Tue, 23 Sep 2008 06:36:54 +0000 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html#comment-10035 Hosea, reading your comments has shown me that there are no easy answers in a situation like yours. I respect your decision, clearly you have thought long and hard not only about your own feelings but also about what is best for your children. Often the needs of the children get lost when their parents are facing conflict in their relationship. I hope your situation will improve. Hosea, reading your comments has shown me that there are no easy answers in a situation like yours. I respect your decision, clearly you have thought long and hard not only about your own feelings but also about what is best for your children. Often the needs of the children get lost when their parents are facing conflict in their relationship. I hope your situation will improve.

]]> By: Hosea http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html/comment-page-1#comment-9985 Hosea Mon, 22 Sep 2008 05:21:32 +0000 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html#comment-9985 Imaginary Diva, you ask, Why do I really stay? I don't know how to answer that. How can I tell the difference between a "supposed" reason and a "real" reason? Maybe I'm too lazy to want to go through the trouble of dividing up all our stuff and slogging through the paperwork of a divorce. Or maybe I'm too stubborn for my own good (this would be no surprise to most of my friends) and so I am pig-headedly sticking with "till death do us part." Partly I think that divorce is devastating to the children; and while I can't condemn somebody else's decisions before walking in their shoes, I feel I have an obligation as the father of my children to *guarantee* their security, not to smash it. By my lights, this means letting them grow up in *one* household, not shuttled back and forth between two. Of course if my wife turned into a werewolf or a homicidal maniac or something, it would be my job to take the children away for their own safety. But she's not about to hurt the children -- she loves them! She's not a werewolf, just an adulteress; which means she's not going to kill anybody ... she's just going to hurt my vanity, or my self-esteem. And who cares? It's not like my wounded vanity is that important in the grand scheme of things. I know there are a lot of things in this life more important than I am. Or maybe it's because there are a hundred things I do for my wife that she would be helpless to do for herself; and I don't want to see her flounder and drown the way I fear she would if I left her. Why not? Because I love her, and I don't want to see her suffer. Ultimately, I guess that must be the "real" answer. I stay because I love her. Is this any help? Imaginary Diva, you ask, Why do I really stay?

I don’t know how to answer that. How can I tell the difference between a “supposed” reason and a “real” reason?

Maybe I’m too lazy to want to go through the trouble of dividing up all our stuff and slogging through the paperwork of a divorce. Or maybe I’m too stubborn for my own good (this would be no surprise to most of my friends) and so I am pig-headedly sticking with “till death do us part.”

Partly I think that divorce is devastating to the children; and while I can’t condemn somebody else’s decisions before walking in their shoes, I feel I have an obligation as the father of my children to *guarantee* their security, not to smash it. By my lights, this means letting them grow up in *one* household, not shuttled back and forth between two.

Of course if my wife turned into a werewolf or a homicidal maniac or something, it would be my job to take the children away for their own safety. But she’s not about to hurt the children — she loves them! She’s not a werewolf, just an adulteress; which means she’s not going to kill anybody … she’s just going to hurt my vanity, or my self-esteem. And who cares? It’s not like my wounded vanity is that important in the grand scheme of things. I know there are a lot of things in this life more important than I am.

Or maybe it’s because there are a hundred things I do for my wife that she would be helpless to do for herself; and I don’t want to see her flounder and drown the way I fear she would if I left her. Why not? Because I love her, and I don’t want to see her suffer.

Ultimately, I guess that must be the “real” answer. I stay because I love her.

Is this any help?

]]> By: Imaginary Diva http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html/comment-page-1#comment-9971 Imaginary Diva Mon, 22 Sep 2008 01:26:59 +0000 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html#comment-9971 Hosea, cheating is a problem that does not have an age or gender. That, I do agree with you. I know you want to give your wife a chance and try to make your relationship work. But why do you really stay? Hosea, cheating is a problem that does not have an age or gender. That, I do agree with you.

I know you want to give your wife a chance and try to make your relationship work. But why do you really stay?

]]> By: Justontime http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html/comment-page-1#comment-9867 Justontime Sat, 20 Sep 2008 11:58:32 +0000 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html#comment-9867 I think Sage Mother was just trying to point out that in the past men were free to cheat because women were financially dependent and had little choice except to put up with their partner's cheating. These days young women have the freedom to make their own choices. It doesn't make it right to cheat for either sex. I think Sage Mother was just trying to point out that in the past men were free to cheat because women were financially dependent and had little choice except to put up with their partner’s cheating. These days young women have the freedom to make their own choices. It doesn’t make it right to cheat for either sex.

]]> By: Imaginary Diva http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html/comment-page-1#comment-9843 Imaginary Diva Sat, 20 Sep 2008 01:32:27 +0000 http://www.idcheaters.com/2008/02/the-aftermath-of-infidelity.html#comment-9843 SageMother, that is so sad when people play games just to get the "upperhand". Relationship should be about give and take and being considerate towards your partner. Just because the going gets tough, doesn't mean that you look elsewhere for satisfaction. SageMother, that is so sad when people play games just to get the “upperhand”.

Relationship should be about give and take and being considerate towards your partner. Just because the going gets tough, doesn’t mean that you look elsewhere for satisfaction.

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