POSTED BY AMC
A READER CONTRIBUTED STORY
Hey all, I’ve never done this before, so hopefully this get to someone. I started to feel sick the day after christmas. I noticed that i had small bumps near my genitals, so naturally i freaked and decided to check my husband’s cell phone which NEVER leaves his sight unless he’s asleep. I waited for the bastard to start snoring and I took the cell from the charger and took it into the bathroom to read…all my suspicions were right. I could only read 3 of the 29 texts she sent and 16 that he sent before i got sick to my stomach. I them confronted him at 3am and asked who she was. He told me they were just friends. he then proceeded to erase all the texts so that i wouldn’ t “read into them”. If they were just friends, how come he’s hiding what was said between them? As I looked into cell phone records, i noticed that this “friendship” had been going on since early October. I feel like such an idiot for letting this thing happen right under my nose. I found out they were calling each other 4-5 times a day, sometimes in the very early morning hours of the night which was easy for him since he’s a stupid cop and works crapy hours. They even talked 5 times on my bday with him calling me just once; he called her when we were in dallas for a football game with me asleep inside at 2 oclock in the morning; we were in vegas right before christmas and looking at the bill, he called her during the intermission of “Mama Mia”. These are the things that hurt to most. When I ask him about her he can only tell me her first name “Tiffany”, she 34, lives at home w/her parents and her son. Why is he protecting her when he didn’t bother to protect me from an std? where is his loyalty? I’m sorry on going on and on, but may be someone out there can give some advice. I feel so alone and inadequate and angry.
Sponsored Links
Let Us Help You - Infidelity Advice
-
Is your partner is cheating on you and you don't know what to do? Tell us your story and ask for our reader's advice.
Did You Subscribe Yet?
-
Subscribe by email or RSS feed
Make IDCheaters.com your homepage
Dear AMC,
I hope you have made a decision whether or not you are going to stay with him. Not only has he broken your trust and hurt you by being with another woman, he has given you a disease that can possibly affect you for the rest of your life.
You have every reason to be upset and be mad about how he can do this to you. I would feel the same way too, and I’m sure all the other women out there reading this also understands how you feel.
You have to give him a pass when you gave him a chance to clean up his act after you confronted him about the text messages. And he didn’t!
Now is the time to be thinking about what is important to you – your health and your sanity, instead of that jerk. Things happen in life sometimes that we have no control over. But now that you know, you need to take charge and make a decision for what’s best for you.
You are not alone. You are not inadequate. You are with a cheater. You need to decided what is best for you. One thing is certainly clear and that is that you are married to someone you cannot trust with your life, he proved that when he endangered your health. You need to see a counselor and make some decisions. For starters, you need to figure out what YOU want to do.
Have you talked with a lawyer? Sometimes knowing your options makes all the difference in the world. You might not be able to get rid of the STD, and it is small comfort to know that most people have some form of Herpes, but it will help for you to work toward reestablishing your sense of control and well being.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I completely understand why you are feeling the way that you do. The only thing I can offer is you really need to think about what you want now. Can you ever trust him again? Personally I would not be able to trust someone that cheated on me not to say bring home an STD on top of it.
I hope you are not still with him. What he has done is very wrong. I don’t know how I would be able to trust him again after that.
Thanks for the input. We are doing the whole marrige couselor thing right now, trying to get through this. I guess I’m just a very forgiving person, or maybe I’m just plain stupid? Whatever the case we’re trying to work it out, because in the end, I love him, but I absolutely detest what he has done to me.
What I had was treated and is gone, maybe that’s why I’m able to try working on this. What’s really bizzare is that this has brought us closer together. He’s appologized, and is more attentive, and makes sure that he tells me he loves me before he goes to work. That doesn’t mean that he’s off the hook though. There’s still a lot that has to be done to repair not only me heart but our marriage.
Sometimes you just wonder why they stop doing what they are doing when they get caught. Why don’t they just move on and be with that person, if they want them so bad? But then they expect us to just deal with it and stay with them and try to get over it. I don’t know if I would be able to live with, but I guess it is easy enough for me to say, not being in that situation myself.
SageMother, you are so right.
The best thing is to get control of the situation. And a lawyer sometimes can give you a direction of where you should go.
Tater03, I agree with you on that point.
Trust is very important in a marraige. Sure, there have been a lot of relationships that stood the test of time. But if you ask the person that has been cheated on, they can forgive though it’s hard to forget.
AMC, you are so considerate to let him off the “hook”.
It is also good to hear that he is trying to make ammendments and going on counselling then with you.
You can see that you have become a priority to him, that no matter what his indiscretions have been, you are still the most important to him.
You should keep us posted on the progress.
Trick-r-treat, I actually had the same conversation with a friend this evening about a similar situation.
He decided to stay with his girlfriend because he wanted to give her another chance to set things right.
Sometimes fellows need to get that shock of being caught, to make them stop and think about their priorities.
I am amazed when people talk about women’s hormones and the issues associated with them. Male hormones totally shut their brain down. A little wake up call is sometimes the only thing that will get them out of their testosterone driven fog and back into what really matters in their lives.
I’d say that the discovery of the STD told you more than going through his phone. It sounds that you have lost all respect and love for your husband; you have alot of issues, thoughts, and emotions to process. You have more than ample reason to want to end it, but that can only be arrived at by you.
That’s just sick, sometimes I don’t understand men, you are at home slaving on the house and your appearance and they are out doing whatever they please, it’s just disgusting!!!
This really smacks of a self-denying and self-centered mate who has no thought for anyone but himself. He isn’t being at all considerate of either your feelings or your health. Dump him!
I was looking for an article to help me. I just found out that I have a std (treatable. I have been married to the same man for 34 years and never have I strayed. I would never believed that he would have an affair. I want to know who, what and when. I made him an appointment to test his prostate and hopefully his std. My dr gave me medicine for both of us but I haven’t told him or gave him his medicine. I waiting for him to find out that he has a std and admit that he cheated and I don’t know what I will do then. One day at a time. Next thing I am going to do is talk to a lawyer about my rights I don’t want to lose all my stuff that I have gotten in 34 yrs. He shouldn’t be entitle to anything since he is the cheater.
SageMother, LOL! If that isn’t the most funniest thing I have ever heard.
You know how much money the pharmaceutical companies will make if they find a “cure” for it?
AMC, I’m glad that this experience has given your partner the kick up the behind that he needed to remind him what he has at home. Fingers crossed for you both.
You are sooo not alone and not inadequate. I just found out my husband cheated on me once. It wasn’t about love or me not being a great wife. I can listen, be sexy, beautiful, etc.. He was looking for spice, looking to feel wanted. Maybe our sex life is not as great, maybe we’re stressed & tired with chidren, but that’s no excuse. We’ve lost our connection, but hey, after 6 years that can happen. It’s not “new” and exciting anymore. We’ll go to counseling. We have twin girls involved so I won’t just ‘divorce’ not until we’ve talked more and made decisions. You still love him, but trust is gone. That’s hard to recover from. I’m trying because I know the one night stand (I think) was not because of anything I did wrong. And neither wants a divorce right now. But I deserve better, so do you. I believe in one chance to make things better because we still love each other and I married him for better or worse til death do we part. Some couples do survive this. But ever again and I will leave with NO hesitation. “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.”
Sandra, my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. Be strong, you did nothing wrong. Know that. He’s the one who couldn’t keep his pants on. You’re right, take it one day at a time that’s all you can do (that and plot his demise, just kidding, no, hers, double kidding).
Talk to people. Trusted friends or clergy. That’s how I began my healing process. You’d be surprised how talking about your feelings helps. Write down what your feeling or vent on this site. Just know that you are not alone, even though it may feel like it.
In my experience, my husband has yet to admit that he slept with his “friend”, but then again, I was told by my counselor that in her experinces, many men don’t admit to the wrong even if they are caught red handed.
I can’t really give advice on what to do next, because I have choosen to stay with him and work things out. Everyone is different and their cicumstances are too. Although it enrages me that you have given 34 years of your life to this “man” and this is what you get in return. No wonder so many people choose not to get married. With the number of people who have a problem with fidelity, there should be some kind of law against it where the cheater and their “friend” get punished somehow. Can you say castration?????
My thoughts and prayers go out to you, Sandra keep your head up girl!:)
I can certainly understand how you feel. My husband had an affair, we tried to make it work, but it didn’t. Too many lies! I became pregant and he was living with the other woman. Then she became pregnant too. Imagine having two kids in one year.
I developed pre-eclampsia, but right before that, I noticed a bump near my vulva. I was hospitalized for seven days before they had to induce me as my kidneys and heart were failing. After I gave birth is when the other woman told me she gave my husband herpes. And that he knew. That disturbed me so much that I did so much research on herpes and even called the Health Department. The things I found out about the damage to my baby made me angry.
My husband still refused to admit the truth to me about anything and my life was filled with confusion. But once I had my hands filled with the baby and my other kids, I started thinking less and less of him. I was basically living on my own and raising the kids on my own.
It is difficult to move on when you have such a painful reminder. I have been having more breakouts, maybe due to stress or that time of the month. I never really noticed the breakouts before, but now that I do, it always reminds me. I know that my husband suffers worse with his breakouts, and maybe that is what he deserves. Come to find out he’s a serial cheater and has cheated the whole time we were together. Cheated on the other woman too. Now, he’s a lonely, broken man.
Everyone’s situation is different. I believe in forgiveness, but forgiving a person doesn’t mean that you have to stay with them. For me, I knew that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life suffering because of someone else’s issues. The trust is gone and will never be gained back like that. For him or anyone else. I have learned that you can’t trust anyone 100%. And that sometimes when you lose, you win. I may have lost my husband to another woman, but I gained a whole lot more than she did!
AMC, I still think that he hasn`t admitted to sleeping with the other woman because, when it really came down to it….. he values that this relationship is what is best for him.
Most guys when confronted by this will take the easy way out and agree. Then leave.
I do hope things work out for both of you and it`s good that you have given yourself time to vent and time to talk to other people about it.
Thank so much for all your comments and understasnding at a time when I felt like the “Lone Ranger”. Since I busted him, we have been seeing marriage coach, my own couselor, and now a marriage couselor who has helped us imensely get through what has been the roughest, darkest time of our lives. Although he yet to admit sleeping with the other woman, I know in my heart the truth and I have come to terms with it, even if he has not or ever will. I have forgiven him but am still angry and hurt with him. The weird thing is most of my anger is directed at her because she knew he was married and still pursued him anyway. I know it was his decision to cheat on me but I can’t help wondering if she went along with it BECAUSE he was married.
On March 27, we, along with family and friends, took a trip to Las Vegas to renew our wedding vows(something we planned to do to celebrate our ten year anniversary before I caught him with her). During the ceremony, I couldn’t help but think that us going through this and starting oer again has been a growing experience for the both of us. You know what they say, “that which does not kill us, makes us stronger”.
On another note, I found out on Monday, that the other woman’s father commited suicide. When I found this out, I immediately thought what goes around comes around, the pain she caused me is pain she is feeling right now. Be it mean and evil as my friends have told me about the way I feel, I can’t help but wonder if this person is looking back at what she has done to deserve this. I thought about texting her a mean and nasty something, but my friends have talked me out if it asking, “So you’re saying your husband had nothing to do with it, He was innocent, shouldn’t you wait for something bad to happen to him??”
Although they are right, and I have decided against contacting her I can’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction that she is hurting and knows what it is like to lose something valuable and important to her and I had lost my sense of security and trust and love in my marriage. Am I wrong to feel this way????
6 years ago, my internet answering machine showed that i was getting a call from my best friend. The message, full of profanity, didn’t sound like her. I immediately got offline and called her. She was ranting about her Son in Law who she and her husband had just found out was cheating on their 8 months pregnant daughter. When she was finally about to take a breath she said “I want to kill him”. The tone of her voice was that it was clearly a dare for me to contradict her. I didn’t. I told her I didn’t blame her for her emotions. I was the only friend who did this. All of the others said “Oh, you don’t mean that”. But the fact was she DID mean it. She didn’t go through with it and the two divorced etc. But she DID mean it and she was entitled to her feelings and emotions. What she didn’t need was to have her friends dismissing them and telling her that they were not valid.
One of those friends apologised a few months ago. She has been going through a divorce with a cheating husband. Now she understands the emotions because she feels the same way.
So no, there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. There is also nothing wrong with how your friends are feeling. Here is how I look at it: You husband is more at fault than the other woman. HE is the one who married you and promised to be faithful. That other woman promised you nothing and owed you nothing. You place the blame on her because it’s easier than placing it on your husband where it really belongs. It wasn’t her job to be faithful to you. It was his and he failed.
I’m not going to suggest that you have compassion for her. I’m not saying she deserves any. But if her punishment for the affair is the death of her father, imagine what you husband has due him and watch out for stray lightning bolts.
Heather, you are right. Everyone always deserve a second chance especially when you have children to think about. And there really was a time that divorce was not an option at all because couples worked it out through thick and thin.
I believe by giving him the benefit of the doubt, you are perhaps making way for a much more strong relationship. Good luck and things will work out.
LAC,
That is really such an inspirational story.
I am just reading your comment and I even find it hard to forgive him. I mean, you had your children to look after and at the same time trying to come to terms with what he has done and the sickness that he has given you.
There really is a point that you need to move on and be able to look back and say that it was the best thing you could ever have done for yourself and your family.
The thing about marriage counseling: you have to both really want to make the relationship work. In too many cases, it is usually only one person that really wants to go, and that is the person who was willing to work on it in the first place.
AMC,
It’s not wrong to feel that way at all. It’s karma. You can only expect nothing to receive what you dish out.
You have taken the most logic way to save your marriage. Even through all the pain and the doubt, you have managed to give your relationship another chance. Most women would have gone over to the other women’s house and clawed her eyes out. I know I would have, if it was me. But you didn’t. And that just makes you the better person.
Accer, lightning bolts indeed!
Life has a way with dealing with those that make other people miserable.
For AMC, this was probably an abberation on her husband’s part and it really does take two to tango. But that’s all in the past and they are moving forward strong. I am very happy for both of them!
LAC here with an update. My husband was diagnosed with colon cancer, stage 1, two weeks ago. He came down to visit the kids this past weekend and I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel bad for him because in my mind I know that what goes around, comes around. In his phone calls, he would mention that I have to take care of him because marriage is about the good times and the bad. I pointed out to him that he only seemed to want me during my good times and not my bad times. Can’t forget everything that I went through and be there for him. How stupid would I look? This is what divorce is about. If he were with the other woman there would be no question of me being there for him.
He is in individual counseling and is seeking help. So, I will give him that much. But he thinks that I’m going to wait for him to get better and get his act together. But how do you continue to love someone when you are leading separate lives in different states? Besides, it’s hard to forget everything he’s done. When it comes to him, I can’t help but feel second best. If things had worked out with him and the other woman, or any of his other 30 affair partners, he would have left without a backwards glance.
I feel bad for what he’s going through right now and know that if things were different, I would be by his side. But I have a lot of anger towards him so I turn my back and keep walking away. He’s scared but he has his mother by his side. As for the other woman, well, she moved on while my husband was still living in the house. Once he moved out, the other guy moved right on in. I questioned whether she really loved him and is just the type of girl that collects kids the way a tourist would collect souvenirs – as a reminder of where they have been. I heard that she’s trying to reverse her tubal ligation and wants a baby with this new guy. She has only been with him for two months, but it’s the same as it was with my husband and he sees that now. Two unhealthy people do not make a healthy person.
I am still moving forward even though I do think about things sometimes. You realized that something like this will always be with you but the hurt lessens in time.
Imaginary Diva,
Trust me, I wanted to find this “person” and beat the tar out of her really badly. It took everything I had not to, especially after I found out where she worked and lived. You’re right I am the better person…always have been, always will be.
LAC,
You’re right, what goes around DOES come around, but in the strangest and sometimes the cruelest ways. Now that he “needs” you so much, think to yourself where he was when YOU needed him. If you can get past that, maybe you can be there as a friend, maybe more. If not he still has mom. Remember, you had nothing to do with this turn of events in his life.
Trick-r-treat, that’s why amc is lucky that he wants to try to make it better and counselling is working for them.
But, I have seen it happen, that the woman drags the man to counselling when he’s not interested. In that case, we probably can take a guess as to what’s gone wrong in that relationship. His heart is not in it and no amount of counselling is going to help it.
LAC,
I feel so much sympathy for your husband. Cancer is a very hard thing to deal with and it not only makes you uncertain about your life expectancy, it affects everything else that revolves around your life. These are the times that you always go back to things that bring you the most comfort. I know because I am a cancer survivor.
However, you are right in acknowledging that the time’s long past that he can claim his rights for “good and bad” times. He threw that away when he had an affair, started another family and left you for her. It seems to me that your relationship with him is just a little bit one sided on his part. And it’s probably the best that you are no longer with him.
As for taking care of him…. was he there for you when you were pregnant? Not only is this should be one of the joyoust occasions of being a woman, factor in the hormones and the hurt of him leaving….. He wasn’t there for you and he wasn’t there for his kids either. He doesn’t deserve your sympathy.
I knew someone who was in the same position as you and she lost about ten years of her life taking care of her ex-husband. I think your life could be best spent in other ways. Remember, you only live once and this is your life.
I know how you feel my husband of 12 yrs cheated on me (last year in 2007) for about four months with a woman with whom my cousin claim is a crackhead and a whore who sleeps with everybody. He actually admitted to cheating on me with her only because I had so much evidence against him and I got him to confess in front of our pastor at church. I truly believe in my heart that this was not the first time he cheated, because he was very good at concealing this affair. Therefore, with previous experience he had got accustomed to getting better at cheating and lying as time passed with each affair. In 2005 he gave me an STD, which to this day he will still say he didn’t give it to me how can I just wake up one day and suddenly have an STD, when I was married at the time for 9 Yrs and NEVER cheated or desired to cheat on my husband. The ultimate question is if these men would just be honest with themselves and the women in their lives and say I don’t want a serious relationship because I like being with different women, we would respect that more and indulge in that relationship according to the information provided. It would then be our fault if we got cheated on.
rcm,
That is aweful! And how can he turn around and make it look like you went out there and got the std yourself?
Did your pastor offer him counseling? Did you decide to stay with him?
I used to work in a women’s clinic, and one of the things we did alot was test for STDs. When a woman was told that she indeed have an STD, the guy with her always denied everything, and most of the women believed it. Perhaps they were in denial, but it broke my heart to hear these scuzzers deny what was proof right in his face(!)and the women believe it.
I know my husband can not ever deny anything like that if it happened to me as I have not had any other partner before or after or marriage.
mollyL, it also worries me when women do that especially when the truth is facing them right in the face.
It’s so sad to hear that their self worth is so low. That’s probably why these men stay with women like these. They can pretty much get away with almost anything.
LAC,
Did you see the lab report showing he has cancer?
I am not saying he would lie to you again, but in your shoes, I would want to see the diagnosis for myself.
That is one reason I am glad I was taught to be independent so that no man can treat me like crap and I stay with him because of security.
I really feel that many mothers, believing they are doing the right thing based on religious teachings or cultural expectations, TEACH their daughters to be doormats.
It takes a truly determined girl to maintain a “warrior-like” outlook in the face of such overwhelming indoctrination.
Liza, what is it with men anyway turning things around so that we end up being the “bad guy” when we know damn well we aren’t!
SageMother, are there still mothers who teach their daughters to be doormats in this day and age? I am thankful that my mother was a strong independent woman, I learned a lot from her and because of her example my daughters are equally strong and indeprndent.
Just about any time a mother discourages her daughter from fighting back, the door mat is being woven.
Sometimes it is terribly subtle, though.
SageMother, do you think he could be faking it to get the sympathy vote?
My experience is that when people are faced with a life or death situation, they try to surround themselves with anyone and everyone who would come.
I am SO sorry for what you’re going through. My husband once had an affair on me, and the sense of betrayal was HORRIBLE. I can’t really give you any advice other than to say…follow your gut. He gave you an STD, that’s even worse than finding out about his affair.
Liza, being independent goes a very long way. Somewhere along the line though, we do give up that control to someone else and hope that they don’t let us down like this.
How can all of you tell this woman that she is “not inadequate”. In order to heal, you have to face the truth, which is, if you met your husband’s needs, this would not have happened. Cheating husbands stay b/c they actually want to fck their wives, the wives just aren’t cooperating. It’s a cry for help. Ever read maslow’s heirarchy of needs? Sex is like water for men – starve them long enough and they have to find it somewhere else. The STD is totally uncalled for and you should cut his dick off for that, but you were also inadequate.
I get updates in my e-mail and wanted to check in.
Summer, I think that we as women are expected to endure so much. We are expected to take care of the kids, the hubby, the house, etc. Work full time and still look good. It takes two people to make or break a relationship. And if either one is not getting what they need, then the right thing to do is to communicate with the other spouse – not cheat.
For all you others, my husband is cancer free right now and doing well. I have started back to school and doing fine also. I’m not going to say that it has been easy because it’s not easy raising three kids as a single parent, but it gets better. My husband comes down to visit the kids and has to deal with the consequences of his actions. The kids have no respect for him and do not want anything to do with his other child. He discovered the grass wasn’t greener on the other side and has to live with the choices he made.
I guess he realizes that his cheating affected more than me and that there are repurcussions. All the phucking around he did in order to prove he was a man just proved that he’s a kid in a man’s body!
SageMother, I think today’s parenting has changed a lot than doctrinating our daughters to be “doormats”.
I even think we are taking the “warrior woman” too seriously and not giving way for the 50-50 aspect of a relationship.
I/Diva, I couldn’t agree with you more. I think some women really take it to the extreme. The men were wrong in treating women like that but that is still no reason for women to ill treat their men either. Mutual respect is key.
After reading the articles and comments here, I was shocked to know that AMC felt joyous when she discovered that the woman’s father who her hubby has a relationship with has died. AMC, if you are still following the comments here, I must tell you that it is indeed wrong to harbor such a feeling. We must be forgiving and forgetting; especially on the bad things that people do to us. I know it is difficult but we always has God at our side to guide and assist us.
Even Christians sometimes rejoice when their enemies meet into hard times. The as I know it warns against it, but persons still have their personal pet peeves.
Well I can relate. I’m the one this happened to but the name above is the individual that was involved with my husband. I as the wife did contract an std as well…twice. I actually walked up on her (tawani) coming from the house and we had our little meeting. My husband is a cop as well so I know exactly where you are coming from. Him doing this while I’m struggling with my own fight of being newly diagnosed with breast cancer. Now, I choose to go through this journey without him and man does it get lonely sometimes but thank God for real friends.
AMC, absolutely not. I have been there and back and that was not the only thing he gave me. Hold your head up high, keep walking and just walk right on past his a**. He will be running back begging for forgiveness but before all that happen, he will first try to blame you. Don’t own that BS, he did it because he wanted to so let him stay out there with the girls. Mine did the exact same thing but his excuse was that he went to the doctor and nothing showed up, lol. It’s laughable but it hasn’t stopped him so I stopped with him.
Wives stop blaming the other women. Your husband made a vow to God to be faithful to you. So, why all the HATE for the other woman. I wish that at least one REAL wife would tell the truth about their marriage. Each one of these sad stories begin with we were so happy. Bull, I do not believe that everyone was so happy. An older woman once told me that what you will not do another women will. She also said that as women we forget the things we used to do to get him.
Really, can I get one person to be honest since we are all using fake names except for the person posting the other women real names.
Another thing, WIVES, stop confronting the other women. What is the point especially if you are going to stay with the man. You will be left with the image of her screwing your man, now you can put a face with it.
I guess I am so emotional about this subject because I know a wife that has posted a tear-drop story on this site. People are believing her lies. It is always two sides of the story, HER SIDE AND THE TRUTH.
I wish one person could be honest
To:The Wives
Why all the HATE for the “other woman”? Your husband promised God to be faithful to you, not the other woman. Stop blaming the other woman and look at the relationship you have or had with your husband.
Confronting the other woman is just stupid. Now you have the face of the woman spending the time you used to get with your husband. Most men do not and will not end the relationship with the other woman. If you are going to stay with your husband, do not confront the other woman.
I have read so many lies throughout this these postings. Most of you are using fake names so be honest. Stop lying to other and yourself stating “my husband and I were/are so happy”. If you were so happy, why is your husband cheating? Why are you confronting the other woman? Why are you posting your business and the business of others for the world to see. It is a disgrace some of the tear-jerking stories I have read.
Many of you need to move on because you may be blocking God’s blessings by staying in unhealthy marriages.
And for you HAPPY wives, here is a bit of information. The same thing you did to get the man, you still need to do that to keep him. What you will not do another woman will. So please to whining about your husband and handle your business.
Ohhh ladies,
Sasha has made her point made to all. Confronting the other woman is not stupid but fun and there should be no HATE for them. We all made promises to be faithful before God but when you choose to be with husband then that says a lot about them, they can’t find one and need someone else’s…what a shame. Again, happy or not when you choose to be with someone else’s husband then it’s not God’s fault but yours. He is cheating because he’s a man and found the right “other woman” to lie with…that’s why they are called the other women. For me, it’s great because when I don’t want to be the one on the back, it’s your job to do it. Makes for great fun…then to see them beg for him to come over and cry when he doesn’t, absolutely wonderful! Now, how can Sasha be the holier than though and invokes God’s name in a conversation as this…adulterer and that is one of the commandments right?
What a role model for the daughters for these other women posting? I don’t know about the other wives but I’d be happy that he is being entertained by the other woman because that makes our jobs easier…our legs closed and theirs opened! Come on wives, let’s clap for the other women and let them be our back jobs, I know I don’t mind…not anymore.
People, let’s out the other women who whine when others know their names. He is happy now that he has extra and I for one, am not mad about it so Sasha, don’t be disgraced about the stories but be a disgrace because you as the other woman and the other women who are posting stoops low, well lie low to be the other woman. Remember that you will lose him like you got him…Sasha. And oh, don’t be emotional about it, be happy because it was fun while the sneaking was going on so why be emotional when others find out about it, lol.
LAC, so right you are but look who walked away doing better. I must say that you were the winner and I wonder how the grass turned for him….I bet not too green now. Can’t you tell who the other women are on this site, lol? The role models for their own daughters who probably are doing or will be doing the same thing as they are, running around with someone else’s husband wearing the crown as the “other woman” and think that it’s okay. What sad emotional babies!
Lol, I had to laugh even harder after reading Princesssashamonia’s response…blocking God’s blessing by staying in unhealthy marriages. That sounds like the other woman’s plea for someone to leave their husband so she can be free to continue with him in hope that he marries her…sounds like a lonely old woman who needs a man and the married man may be the choice.
Again, the husband is cheating because he has found the right woman or women to hear the sob stories and fall for him. Beg and cry when he can’t come to see her when she wants, spend the holidays when she needs him, but sneak around like the snake they are…slithering around in the grass and lie down when she is given the command to….LIE, TURN, GET UP ON ALL FOURS…lovely.
I say as wives, let him stay with the other woman because she won’t go home with him to meet the mother and family, she won’t get to get into the church with the wedding dress for sure, but she will definitely get the load on her back which is what you all are suppose to do. Ahhhh, who cares if he doesn’t stop seeing the other woman so long as he keep paying for the wife right Princess Other Woman, lol.
Ladies, come on.
Food for thought and Sasha,
I work with you and know that some of the stuff that is here is true. I have seen you and him (hubbie) and knew that something was going on along with some others. Nothing was said but when the information was read on line, we knew it but could not confirm it. The letters was on the vehicles and we said nothing but it is true so what the others are saying is not trashing but telling the truth. We know that you are still talking to him (hubbie) and hear that you are trashing wife who he has not left and never did and she never left him according to what he has said and is saying. Sounds like you were the other woman and might still be but you should stop because I would do the same thing as she has, exposing you and him for what you both are. He just wised up knowing that his wife is and always has been important to him and you were good for what you were at the time but not any more now that she is back…you know what that is don’t you. See you at work bubbly and everything
I did married this man 12 years ago,about a month ago I caught him chattcheating on me, caught and read his e.mails,confronted him and he said he was feeling bad doing this he was glad to get caught this would make him want to stop,he said he never had real sex whith nobody, just said to them what they want to hear, he travels everyweek ,stays away from home 3 days, he gave those poeple his motel location, he said he wants to meet them,to me he said they had never showed up for the encounters, and even if they did he would not follow through,Right now we are going to chritian counseling, 3 weeks after he went online and I caught him again, he said he was tempted to go look at those popups, so I did install a norton parental control, so he can not, so now I will hire a private eye to follow him around.Iam so hurt,disgusted,and devasted,but I want to survive this, Iwas asked by him for another chance, but I know I will never look at him the same way it was before.Thank you for listenig any helpfull, comforting comments will be greatly appreciated.
wow, wonderer, the other woman, tub
You should get a life and stop accusing me of things. I have no idea who you are. Are you sleeping with my husband and this is your sick (non grown-up) way of telling me?
DO NOT SEND ME ANY MORE MESSAGES!!!!!!
From: “germaine Elder” aka “Sasha”
Victor
I am not trying to crowd your space any more. I wish you both the best in life. Do not worry about me because I always land on my feet. Don’t be sorry that I feel this way because ultimately it does not matter. All that matters is that you continue to do whatever makes you happy. I just wish we would have ended this last year. I am hurting so the selfish part of me wants you to feel my pain, frustration, and anger. The nonselfish part of me want you to feel absoultely nothing. I wish I could just find someone as good as you one day. I hope that he loves me like you love your wife. One day I will be as lucky as you to find such a special person. But for now I just want to move on with my life. Have a great weeekend. I will not disturb you.
Although my husband and I are not together anymore, I have to say that he has learned a lot through therapy. One, he was sexually abused as a child and thought that sex was a way of proving manhood. There are a lot of reasons why people choose to cheat, but really, there is no justification. Ending a relationship before starting a new one is the best way to go.
I have thought long and hard about this situation and know that the OW is just as much to blame as the WH. I imagined myself before God trying to justify that I am not at fault for having an affair with a married man because I didn’t make vows to his wife. Adultery is adultery whether both affair partners are married or only one is married.
I try to make decisions in my life with the thought in mind that I will have to answer to God one day, and the bs justifications that are made down here on earth are not going to cut it with God.
Really, you have to feel sorry for some of these other women. There must be something going on in their minds for them to settle for less than nothing with a married man. They are willing participants in the destruction of the marriage. How can you state that you love someone but want to break up their family? Isn’t love about putting the other person first? How can you state that you care about a man’s children when the reality is that you want to take their father away?
In the end, the other woman is left with a broken man who handles his problem by cheating. The other woman claims that she takes care of the married man. Yet, she doesn’t have to pick up his underwear from the floor, or wash skid marks out of them. She doesn’t have to take care of the household that he lives in. When they do eventually live together, that’s when she realizes that she won the man, but lost the war. She is now a wife, leaving the other woman position open for another woman. And then the first other woman, now the wife, finds herself in the first wife’s shoes, wondering what she did wrong.
Until people can honor the committments other people make, we will always have other woman.
My husband tries to get back with me, but I’m at a good place in my life. I will be graduating from college soon. My life has changed so much and God has been with me every step of the way. The other woman in my situation has moved on to her next victim, who she didn’t inform about her STD. She was seeing this new guy while still living with my husband. My husband was the one who told him about the STD. Now he knows how it feels to be cheated on. Cheat with you, cheat on you.
LAC, right on…they don’t think about it until they are in the situation. When the “other women” get all they can get then they do move on to the next victim. The cowards want to stay “hidden” because as soon as they are found out they scatter like the roaches they are. That is why they are referred to as the other women and the men know that. They only get those who lower their standards enough to be used to cheat on the wives…that is why they are reveled as the other women. They can’t earn any other titles but that so you did the right thing…move on and as usual, they do come running back.