Here are 5 signs that it is time to end your relationship.
Sign #1: Your words to each other lack a tone of basic respect: In Malcolm Gladwell’s bestselling book, “Blink,” the author describes how certain marriage counselors can watch a videotape of any given couple talking and predict almost instantly and with great accuracy whether the relationship will last. The key is in the level of respect the couple expresses to each other via their words. If you find you or your partner constantly talking in a way that suggests contempt or annoyance in almost every utterance, your relationship may be doomed.
Sign #2: Your partner has cheated repeatedly: How you handle finding out about your partner’s infidelity is a very personal matter, especially if it has happened one time. If your partner has demonstrated a history of multiple infidelities or if your partner does not seem to sympathize with your resulting pain, it is probably time to call it quits.
Sign #3: Your partner is abusive: If your partner is physically or mentally abusive, you should almost certainly remove yourself from the relationship. By the way, even physical abuse can come from either sex. I have personally had big, strong male friends who were on the receiving ends of physically abusive relationships from petit women. Man or woman, if your partner is abusive, get immediate help or get out now.
Sign #4: Substance abuse: If your partner has a debilitating drug or alcohol problem but you find yourself somehow tethered to the relationship, you may be in what is called a codependent relationship. It is not necessarily the best thing to leave your partner in this circumstance. But, if your partner shows no signs of recovering and you find yourself unable to get him or her help, it may be time to end things.
Sign #5: Lack of respect for their values: Some people who are good, attractive and nice people in some situations might turn into real devils in others. If your partner is involved with illegal or immoral activities - or if maybe they are just plain mean to certain people they meet - ask them to change or get help. If they show no interest in recognizing their problems, it is wise to dissociate yourself from them: it is impossible to really love someone whom you do not respect.
If your love is experiencing a bumpy road and exhibits any of the above-mentioned signs, you should probably end the relationship. Otherwise, you just may be able to pull through. If you think your relationship is worth saving, make a commitment to yourself do whatever you can to make it work. If you try and fail, at least you will know you tried.
About the Author - Jed Jones
If you think your relationship might be worth saving, get a proven guide on how to restore the luster of a fading or troubled relationship: http://www.Earth-Matters.com
Sign #5 was the deal breaker for me. The husband was disrespectful to anything that wasn’t working in his favor or serving his purposes. Thing is, his mother probably allowed that attitude to entrench itself by allowing him to think everything was his own idea, instead of teaching him differently.
Many women take this approach when dealing with others. It’s easier to convince someone by making them feel they are the originator of an idea or solution, but it is a huge mistake. Be upfront with your sons and other males. Respect doesn’t require manipulation.
SageMother, manipulation in a relationship doesn’t get you anywhere. I just think it makes matter a lot more worse in the long run.
Sometimes we have to think about the future and not just what will work for today.
No type of manipulation belongs in a relationship. It really is horrible that people still “play games” in relationships. That’s something that usually ends a relationship, or at least brings it close to the end.
i totally agree with ur 5 signs of when to end a relaitionship i was subjcted to loads of mental abuse after my partner had cheated on my which ended up with me in hospital i wish now i had gotten out when i first noticed the signs instead of just hanging on in there
I grew up with parents that were in a codependent relationship and I can definently agree with that point wholeheartedly. Thanks for the article.
These really are some good tips for when a relationship should end. I could definitely not deal with substance abuse in my relationship, especially if children were involved. Abuse and infidelity are the main deal breakers for me.
gosh these are somewhat nice but i feel like they are too definitive.. it seems as though the author thinks that these are all situations that you must end it in and you could not continue in a relationship even if the person doesn’t change…i think the substance/alcohol abuse ones are the main ones i’m talking about.
Everyone has to still honor their own limits. Those who wish to work through substance abuse issues can do so.
I Think it is important, though, to weight the balance of your lifespan against the relationships in your life. Many women, due to socialization, are unable to do that. They place their marriage ahead of their own well being.
I think life is too short for that.
SageMother, life is definitely too short to be second best in your life. I guess sometimes we forget that there has to be a balance in that also.
The sad thing about those, are well pretty much describes my current relationship. UGH.
Well, 3plus3,
They say admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery.
Have you tried changing a few things around to ease your stress?
Yes, substance abuse problems can definitely be worked out, I suppose what I meant is when it’s overpowering the relationship.
I don’t know about that Jewel. While a person can stop “using”, it takes a lot for them to change. I dealt with that with my marriage. When he stopped using drugs, I thought that would solve a lot of problems. But then he just turned out to be a “clean” jerk.
If my boyfriend would just admit he has a problem then that would be great. So far he says I am the only one that says he has a problem.
3Plus3, I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope you two work things out.
I am sorry to hear that you are going through that 3Plus3. I grew up in that enviroment and do know that they will not admit there is a problem until they are ready. Some do get to that point. I hope that he gets to that point.
SageMother, maybe 3Plus3 should also consider counselling. Most men do not really like to do that, but if you have a man willing to try, then that’s just plain gold.
Jewel, I think if there is a substance abuse in your relationship, it’s a good time to really think about bailing out.
Life’s too short to be wasted on the wrong guy.
trick-r-treat, it’s so true. You might take the substance abuse out, but the real problem is still there.
Hope you two sorted things out.
I think that it can go both ways though. Once a person “cleans up” they can sometimes be amazing people. Sometimes a change of environment can help. There are cases where it just doesn’t help the relationship though.
3Plus3, isn’t that just the problem with couples nowadays…. It’s always the other person’s problem and not theirs.
How long have you two been together?
Jewel, I think everyone deserves a benefit of the doubt that’s for sure. And so many times, it could just all be related to our external environment. Change in scenery can also help.
All of these are valid, but #1 hits home for me. If your partner doesn’t respect you, then how can they respect any decisions or suggestions you might have to make the relationship better. When a partner devalues the other person’s worth, the blocks will begin to tumble.
Debrajean, I am not sure why women would want to be with a guy who doesn’t respect them either.
I guess we all don’t want to be lonely and some just settle for less than they deserve.
I agree with all five of the pointers given, some persons are not for divorce, but you can separate yourself from the person even if you do not get divorced.
Liza, I just don’t get why people need to be in a relationship without the full commitment and distancing themselves.
I think that’s just giving another reason why they should stay in a bad relationship.
I ended it up with my ex husband for number 5. It was clear and I decided it was not really worth keeping a situation when I was not comfortable. So we talked and in a very nice manner and we both decided it was better not to continue.
Thankfully I have not had to end a marriage, but I was engaged to someone before I met and married my husband. I ended it for reason 5, I gradually realised that he was raceist and I couldnt live with it. He was hurt at the time, but it was best for both of us as it would have festered and caused problems within the relationship.
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