1. Think about how you felt when you first started dating your significant other. Did you get butterflies in your stomach? Did you lie awake at night thinking about their cute little smile? Take yourself back to the days when they didn’t have any faults, when everything was brand new and the possibilities for your relationship were limitless. Just remembering this stage of your relationship will help bring you back to that “puppy love” frame of mind.
2. Schedule at least one “date night” during the week when you and your honey can have some alone time. Set aside an hour or two every week where certain topics are off limits: chores, work stress, ongoing relationship issues, etc. Use this time to talk about your plans for the future or to re-connect after a busy week. Don’t worry about where the date is – have a glass of wine together in the livingroom after the kids fall asleep, or schedule breakfast early on the weekends. The point is to make some time in your weekly routine for the positive things in your relationship.
3. Do something together that neither of you have done before. Go skydiving, explore a nearby town, go for a bike ride in a new area. Just doing something fresh and different wakes up your spirit in a way that your normal routine can’t. And experiencing this new event with your partner will help you associate excitement and fun with them.
The bottom line: don’t take your relationship for granted, and get creative. As you know from our June issue, every relationship goes through stages, and after the initial rush wears off, we just have to get a little resourceful when it comes to putting the magic back into our relationship. But it is possible to get those initial feelings of love and tenderness back – and it’s usually pretty fun! And it’s something that every happy couple needs to keep going. Good luck and have fun!
About the Author – Sarah M. Schultz, MA, CPC is a certified Personal Development Coach in Park City, UT. Sarah coaches teens and college graduates in identifying their personal values, developing an authentic identity and building a passionate life. Register for your free copy of her article “Self-Reliance: 7 Tips for Finding Your Strength Within” on her website at: http://www.newheightslifecoaching.com.
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I agree with all of these tips however it is hard to do when you have children that are still a bit young. I admit that I need to start doing some of these things.
We have started doing the date night. This is such a trap that we and alot of couples that I know fall into once they have children. And honestly it is the time when we really should be making the extra effort to do these things together.
3Plus3, during my bridal shower, one of my aunt’s told me that one of the most important things you can do, is to remember to have a “date” night, no matter how busy you get.
And I think she is right about this.
Tater03, it just keeps the relationship fresh don’t you think? Even just a walk on the beach for an hour, or getting ice cream….. It doesn’t have to be fancy, just something nice that’ll give you a chance to reconnect.
Even though its nice to have that loving feeling, we have to be careful what we are looking to for its definition.
Too many people think that “butterflies in the stomach” and the “sweat palms” is love. It is not. It’s the anxiety that occurs when your brain chemistry has to catch up to an event. Once your brain chemistry adjusts to the presence of that other person, the anxiety will settle down.
It is THEN that love begins. When that anxiety is gone but you still want the relationship, even though it’s not as “fun”, even though there are money problems and there isn’t nearly the time to spend with each other, you still value this other person as a vital part of your life.
THAT is when love is present. That is where your deepest “spark” lives.
SageMother, those are such wise words. I guess this kind of wisdom when it comes to relationships, we get to at some point of our lives.
People do confuse these feelings all the time.
Very good point sagemother. I agree even if it is going out for a cup off coffee it is nice just to get out and reconnect.
Has anyone thought about a “thank-you-cuz-I-love-you” gift?
During the holidays, most people give something practical to their spouse, but something whimsical or based on a childhood delight can say a lot.
I always give something that is a bit nostalgic during the holidays. He does the same. Last year, I got a basket of Lion King stuff because he knows how much I used to love the movie Lion King as a child.
SageMother, what a great idea.
“Thank-you-cuz-I-love-you†gift should be given at any time and not just at Christmas….
And I love being at the receiving end of it.
Jewel, you’re husband is so sweet.
I think we all have that “kid-in-heart” syndrome. Last year my husband trolled the city looking for ELMO-TMX and ended up with a second one because his back up plan came through.
I pretty much agree with all the ideas. I’m with someone who will, for no reason at all, bring me a little present. They aren’t big or expensive. They are designed to make me laugh. And to let me know he was thinking about me. It’s great!
Sage Mother I agree with your definition of love, it is far more solid than that butterfly feeling inside. I know we are a bit of an odd couple, but that sparkle is still there for us and sometimes just a look or a touch still causes that butterfly feeling inside.
Sage Mother you explained love very clearly, you are absolutely right that love is a solid commitment not a fragile spark.