Here are ten signs that he may be seeing someone else and thinking about walking:
1. You notice that he has a new cell phone.
He leaves the room when he takes his calls. If he can’t leave the room, he doesn’t answer his phone.
2. He changes his style.
He buys new clothes, changes his hairstyle, and is more concerned about his appearance than you remember him being. He takes more time getting ready, and wears cologne, which he never used to do except when you first started dating each other.
3. His work hours have suddenly changed.
He has more weekend or over night trips and works later at the office than he used to. He keeps saying things like, “We’ve just been so busy lately at work.”
4. He has become more emotionally distant than usual.
He’s just not there and you can’t reach him. When you ask what’s going on with him he says it’s his work. He’s tired or he’s stressed or he has too much on his mind.
5. He often mopes around the house.
Before he goes out, he perks up. He has an attitude that he is misunderstood and unappreciated at home. He doesn’t want your help. He looks for a reason to leave the house. When he comes home, all he wants to do is sleep.
6. He wants a new car.
He talks about or buys a jazzier car. It could be a convertible, the color red, or a sports car. (He has not gotten a raise and he’s not the right age for a mid-life crisis.)
7. He accuses you of flirting or wanting to be with other men.
He says he thinks you are having an affair. You think he is funny or crazy.
8. He’s critical.
He criticizes the way you look or the way you do things. This is a different tone than you have ever heard before. You feel that you haven’t changed–he has.
9. He spends hours on the computer.
He stays up late but he won’t tell you what he’s doing. If you walk in the room he quickly tries to shut down the computer. He acts irritated with you that you came in to see him.
10. Sex is non-existent or mechanical.
You can’t remember when he’s paid attention to you and the two of you have not had a romantic night in ages. Furthermore, he’s not asking for intimacy. Again, he says he’s just tired.
Any one of these signs is a red flag that something is not working in your relationship, but if you answered yes to three or more, it signifies that your romance is rocky and needs immediate attention. Don’t be afraid of finding the answers. What is more important is that you not waste your time putting up with this behavior. You can either confront him and work at healing the relationship, or you can leave. Remember: you deserve to be with someone who adores you.
About the Author
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com Or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our Free Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer.
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I did not really get why number 6 is a sign of somebody wanting to leave a relationship. I think that a lot of these are signs of cheating, not usually signs of somebody getting ready to completely break something off, though I guess you could say that the two are one and the same.
I think number six is more of a sign of a mid life crises. I would agree that when you start to see some of these signs then something is up.
I agree with 8. They love to try to find reasons to make it our fault that they “had” to find someone else.
Jewel, I guess you can pretty sure say that they mean the same.
Tater03, I think #6 could be rephrased as – WHEN HE WANTS TO BE FLASHY. I think that is a good tell tale sign that he is planning on changing his life.
I guess I could see that especially if this is combined with other things changing in the relationship.
Tater03, of course, there has to be just more than *something* that’s wrong.
When a relationship is on its last legs, usually it’s a combination of a lot of ugly things.
I wonder if guys leave because they don’t feel they can renegotiate the relationship, especially within marriages as opposed to “live-in” situations? Divorce can be so financially devastating that renegotiating might be better, even if it’s not easier.
SageMother, I think guys leave because they don’t know the first thing in re-negotiating anything related to relationships.
Most men are not “in-tune” with communication, so I don’t think they’ll even think of re-negotiating ….
I would agree that a lot of men, not all, don’t really know how to put into words what they might want changed exactly in a relationship. I just feel that women find that easier to do.
Tater03, what would this world be if men just knew how to communicate in their personal and intimate relationships?
Haha, unfortunately it’s not just a man thing. There are a lot of women out there who cannot communicate either. It’s a shame, really.
#6 in and of itself is a sign of nothing more than being human. I’ve never met a guy who didn’t want a new car. Or a girl either…..
Accer, I happen to disagree on that.
When things are the same for the last 5 years then all of a sudden, there is this big change about image something is up.
Usually when you are in a relationship for awhile, things just get to be the same everyday. Even I end up wearing clothes that I know are old and not very impressionable. I go out in public with no makeup on. If all of a sudden I start going out buying clothes and getting myself dolled up all the time, I know my husband will think that something is definitely wrong.
Accer, I know I love little surprises too!
Just even having the dishes done when I come home after a long day’s work is such a great bonus.
Well, my hubby loves his old Subaru too much to trade it in for any kind of car, and the only cologne he likes is Old Spice, coz his dad wore it. Sounds like I’m safe for now!:)
mollyL, LOL!
I love men who are just so simple in taste and don’t try to live big in this world. I think that is such a hard trait to find.
In that case Imaginary Diva, you’d love my man LoL. Simple taste describes him just so perfectly!!
Green-Moo, if I wasn’t married to an absolutely awesome man, I just might want to have to clone yours!
That is an interesting list. My husband has always been car obsessed and always plans what car he will get next. It is not a sign of anything other than an obsession with cars!
I think a sign in itself may not be a way to judge but when they are combined it’s definitely something to look out for.
There are fellows, and ladies as well, who purposely avoid becoming too predictable as a way to maintain their freedom to make choices without creating suspicion. It isn’t something they do out of malice, but it is a way to avoid developing expectations based on history.
What would happen if a change, that might indicate infidelity, was responded to in like kind? The cheating husband gets a new car, the spouse gets a new car. With change being reflected back on the cheater, might this not cause some consternation in HIS mind?
justontime, it’s just a combination of a lot of things. One can be a car obsession plus the other points listed here.
I wouldn’t think either that my husband is cheating on me if he went out and bought a car. And I know he wouldn’t think the same way if I went out and bought a car.
But a combination of all these signs can really spell trouble.
SageMother, it definitely would. Most of the time, it would really be considered payback for the other spouse who feels that they are being cheated on.
But, you are right, some people just do things because they want to do things and not because there is some hidden agenda.
I think we all need to understand that if you are not able to trust your partner, you shouldn’t be in that relationship. It’s just so wrong to be looking for signs of cheating when clearly there are more issues in the relationship than that.
Hey everyone. I think it is the sudden change of behavior in our partner that we should note. If your hubby is someone who like to switch cars and interested in reading car magazines all these while, then it is no harm that he keep on doing it. But if he suddenly shift his interest to reading PlayBoy, then I’m sure you’ll be sweating.LOL!
Well, if those signs are not enough, maybe the wife doesn’t pay too much attention to whatever goes on her marriage. Those are pretty much give away tips!
I think it is the changes in behaviour that are significant. If he has always spent hours on the computer or has changed hos car frequently it would not necessarily be cause for concern.
Yes, I think you need to watch out for changes in behaviour, being secretive and telling lies.
I would have to agree that it has to do with a combination of changes and a change that is out of the ordinary in the other person. Doesn’t necessarily mean cheating but could mean that they are feeling older and looking to feel young in anyway that they can.
riskey58, you are right some of those signs could point to other issues, such as being in serious debt or having a gambling problem. If you notice these kind of changes you should take notice, but until you have proof don’t assume that he is cheating.
The ten signs do not necessarily mean that he is leaving, but they are certainly an indication that there is something wrong.
I agree that you should not assume that the signs listed indicate that he is leaving, but only a fool would ignore signs like that!
flowerhorn08, lol. find me a man who doesn’t have a copy of playboy stashed in some secret compartment in the house….. and you’ll definitely make a believer of me.
I agree that you get into certain habits at home, like wearing raggedy clothes and stuff. I just don’t think that if you start caring more that you should be accused of cheating. I could see if it’s combined with some other change.
I mean I started working outside the home after years of being a stay at home Mom and I find myself doing more with myself now. It’s because after being home so long I forgot how just doing your hair or wearing a nice outfit can make you feel better about yourself.