But women who date married men know this from the beginning. So what’s the payoff for getting involved with one?
She is attracted to him because he’s already involved with somebody else. In many cases, the Other Woman wouldn’t be turned on by the guy if he wasn’t. The fact that he’s “taken” is proof of his desirability. The fact that another woman’s husband wants her is proof of hers.
Forbidden relationships are filled with desire, suspense, and excitement. Married men are only available occasionally; the guy’s wife may be sick of looking at him, but the Other Woman never knows when he can steal away to be with her. She can’t wait to see him and makes the most of their time together.
Consciously, the Other Woman may long for him to leave his wife, but subconsciously she’s glad he probably won’t. She will never have to pick his socks off the floor, listen to him scream at his kids, or use the bathroom after he’s knocked off 25 pages of the latest Tom Clancy in it.
Deep down, the woman who habitually dates married men (or is attracted to them) has commitment issues. She may curse her bad luck, but she’s probably terrified of marriage. She may dread the day-to-day routine. She may fear boredom. She may be afraid that wedlock will spell the end of her independence. She may also believe that all men are incapable of fidelity. To avoid making herself vulnerable, she continually casts herself as the partner-in-crime rather than the potential victim.
Whatever her reasons, poaching another woman’s husband is flat-out wrong. And, while the wife may never find out about the affair, both cheaters ultimately suffer from guilt and eroding self-respect.
If you’re involved with a married man, sit down and have a talk with yourself. Determine what exactly attracts you to a doomed, morally bankrupt relationship. Determine your fears and beliefs about men and marriage. Come to terms with those that don’t serve you and your future happiness.
Then put one foot in front of the other. Walk away from your married man and don’t look back. The guy’s no bargain.
About the Author
Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of “How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams.” Sign up for free dating tips and check out her blog. She plans a cruise for singles in 2007. Information can be obtained by email.
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There are some good points here.
Something not touched on is how the married man may be more attractive because he seems more civilized! Since he has his home life taken care of he probably doesn’t come across nearly as brash as single men. It is almost as if the presence of a wife slows down som eo f the nearnderthal in him….LOL
That could be a reason why Sagemother. To be honest though I just don’t know how you could have much respect for yourself if you choose to be with a married man. Just my personal opinion though.
I suppose some people are attracted to a relationship where no committment can be promised. A relationship based on sex & clandestine meetings, where one isn’t expected to wash the dirty clothes, pay the bills or mind the kids does sound sort of attractive. However, no committment kinda loses it’s appeal after a while & that’s when the other woman is left with no-one to clame but herself.
SageMother, so true. Some men do end up being too desperate for women.
Tater03, I once had a girlfriend who told me “I’m so lucky to even have him. So what if I have to share him?”.
You can tell, she was not very bright.
I am sorry but you’re right that is not a very bright statement. I just would hate to be the other women in a relationship. Just wouldn’t feel to good about myself.
In my book there is no right reason for anyone to go after a married man or woman. People with no morals and values do that. If you’re that freaking lonely, get a cat. If you feel undesirable, well then there must be a good reason…wax the hair on your palms, have the hump on your back removed and move on. My town is swarmed with women who love to mess with married men. They are pathetic and deserve nothing but the worst. I’m a firm believer of “what goes around, comes around”, so mistresses beware!
Tater03, I actually get a lot of hits on this page from keywords such as “dating a married man and I feel so bad” or “should I date a married man”.
I think it’s just common sense, don’t you think? He will never leave his wife for you.
AMC, LOL! Definitely some serious insecurity issues for women that go after married men. And I don’t think it’s just that they are lonely. It comes down to upbringing and if your mother didn’t tell you that sleeping with a married man is trashy…. then that’s exactly what you are – TRASH!
In my opinion, Green Moo has hit the nail on the head, the “other woman” does not have to contend with keeping up with the house chores related to a big house with kids, getting up early to make breakfast, picking up and dropping off. The sweetheart gets to be wined and dined and showered with gifts and money.
If someone knowingly sets out to get involved with a married man they must have very little self respect. How could they do that? Being afraid of committment is no excuse, they would be selling themselves short and wrecking other lives in the process.
I can not stand women that try to date or mess with married men.I think of you as pretty much…..TRASH! Do you have some type of respect for yourself? Do you have any morals? Like others said, he is not going to leave his wife for you, if he’ll cheat on his wife; what makes you think your any diffrent if he was to leave her? If you are trying to be involved with a married man. Just keep on walkin……..
You can get involved with a MM. If he catches you during a vulnerable time in your life. You may fall for him. By the time reality kicks in you begin to judge him, complain and nag like his wife and he wont want you any how.
Liza, that’s just so wrong in so many levels!
Why do you think we don’t have the time to make our men feeling “special”? It’s because we have to cook, clean, and fold thier laundry!
And what do they do? They spend their time and money on someone else. Men like that shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it!
justontime, there are a lot of lonely women out there that can’t think beyond and above themselves about the morality of stealing someone’s husband.
Either that, or they’ve never heard the ten commandements and something about it’s a sin to covet something that’s not yours.
People do this and get away with it because there are no serious enough consequences to be meted out once they were caught. In some countries women are so circumspect that it is unthinkable for them to be with a married man and the consequence is sometimes death. These women nowadays just don’t care. I know a few of them myself.
As far as I am concerned there is no point blaming the women who get involved with married men, often they are also being lied to one way or the other. It is the married man who is being unfaithful and the blame lies firmly with him. The same goes for married women who cheat, but I was responding to the previous comment.
I was the other woman…she was nasty and he did leave her for me. He got 50/50 custody of the kids and the mother brainwashed the oldest son to hate the father. We were together for over 2 years and recently broke up. I do think that the self-respect was an issue for both of us as much as we tried to work it out. Maybe someday we will work it out…very hard at this point.
P.S. I do not feel like it was my fault or that I ruined anything. I know that the marriage was over way before I entered. I was single…he was happy. The problem is he had baggage.
For me Candie, the marriage is not over until they are separated and divorced. If he is seeing me and then going home to his wife, I still do not think I would settle for that kind of relationship. Lots of baggage normally comes with a divorcee unless they spend some time in getting back themselves together.
Unfortunately there will almost always be baggage if you become involved with someone who has had a previous broken marriage/long term relationship. Children always have to come first and that can make a new relationship more difficult.
NO, no, no… I don’t approve of dating married people. Nothing good comes out of being a part of a “cheating” relationship, even if I’m the “single” person.
Well, the good thing about getting involved with a married man is you will never get bored with him as he won’t be around most of the time. That being said, I still think that one is still playing with fire if she ever get involved with one as this sort of relationship won’t be able to last; especially if he has kids in the other side.
Now you tell me!! lol
If I got involved with a married man. If he gets married to me after his divorce, I would be weary of his late evening at work or his business trips because I would remember the lies he told his wife to be with me.
Yeah that is exactly true. Not only that he treats you the same that he did her because there is not enough time in between relationships. All this I learned after the fact. His character is definetley lacking. Of course he blamed everything on her it was a two way street.
P.S. If there is no sex in the marriage and they are sleeping in seperate rooms….they are separated! Alot of men hang on only for the children. That marriage is dead and stinking!!
Once a cheater, always a cheater… on the positive side of dating a married man, is that he will not stay in your house when he is sick, and you don’t have to wash his clothes or take any of his bad stuff.
CheaterHater, I totally agree with you on that.
Women who mess with other married man are too insecure about their worth. There are so many single men out there, why can’t they go and pick on them??
Sometimes men tell you (sweetheart)that they are only staying because of the children because they want your sympathy and your love, at times, it is just not true.
Oh I think that men DO stay because of the children.
It is just another way of saying “I am too cheap to pay child support”.
I just broke up with a Married Guy I’ve been seeing for a few months.
I miss him and every day is hard not to contact him. But I am slowly feeling better for walking away from this mess.
He had too much going on in his life and I feel better for being strong enough to refuse to second best.
hisbestfriend, how true! Men cheat on their wives because they think the “grass is greener” on the other side.
How wrong they are!
I really don’t understand why anyone male or female would knowingly get involved with someone who was married. I know people sometimes lie and say they are not married, but surely it wouldn’t take long to spot the warning signs.
I have wondered much the same thing myself, there must be signs that would warn you quite quickly that the person was married.
sometimes these married men come as friends and before you know it, you are hooked. it’s not that you are lonely or were lonely when you guys met. i was very happy before i met this guy. i wish i never gave him my number. i thot we would be friends as i have married guys who are friends and would never thing of cheating.But he caught me at a time when I was going through something rough and offered support.
im sorry it hurts, im sorry it hurts so much, im sorry that its easier said than done but time will heal all wounds no matter how long it will take.u’ll be good ok honey?
The adualterer will burn in hell if they die in sin. God has a place for the people who cheat on their spouse, a place where the torment never leaves and you are in flames for eternity. Ephesians 5:5 says: ” “No whoremonger, no unclean person hath an inheritance in the Kingdom of Christ and of God.” When sexual immorality of all kinds surrounds us on every side, may all of us desire to be, and strive to be, pure in heart and life. Like Joseph, when tempted by Potiphar’s wife, can say “How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” Genesis 39:9. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” If we commit adultery, and confess, God will forgive us.
But then keep walking with God(reading the bible and praying) and stop commiting the sin
berlinelife06, LOL! That’s so true!!! If you date a married man, you don’t have to pick up the clothes that he leaves on the floor and you don’t ever have to do his laundry.
I think I’ve read somewhere that’s the reason why men date married women – they don’t have to spend money on them.
That’s where I am just different in that I could not imagine a situation where I would knowingly date someone that is married. I just don’t think that I would ever be able to trust them in the long run.
The ratio of men to women is horrible. There are so many desparate women and the men know it. This is why the women do it. It’s sad.
What I can’t stand is the way married men will go back to their wife and act as if you never existed. I broke up with the married man I was seeing, but I still have to see him around with his wife. He looks even happier than ever.. It crushes me because I wish I was the one, but I have learned a very hard lesson. I never told him that I loved him. I sometimes want to text or call him again but he is not chasing me so pursuing this any further would just make me feel even more humiliated.. No thanks.
By the way the hard lesson I learned was this can only end in tears – everyone else was right. Don’t go for it you will regret it.
The other woman you are definitely right! After my husband left his other woman we are happier than ever and he is sweeter than ever..
At least I learned my lesson within a short space of time. I woke up.
Sadly what you went through is how it generally works out. You are left to pick up the pieces of your life and he hops right back into his marriage. Hopefully his wife made him regret it.
I dont think its fair to blame everything on the other woman. The guy actually needs to add more effort to make all these happen. They have to make up stories, lie to their wife and sneak out. If the guy does not want to do so, the girl cant force him.
Im glad so many ladies here saying that they wont do that, but there are tons of ppl out there, if the guy is not faithful and mess around, he could probably find one somewhere , i didn’t mean that its ok for men to cheat. Its the fact that the problem is not just on the woman, the guy is the one who master both parties, his wife and the other girl.
Liza, I must add…. that when your partner is with someone else and you are the “other” person in the relationship… and they give you any type of excuse as to why they will not leave their current partner for you…. that just means they don’t want to leave their current relationship.
They just want to have their cake and ice cream at the same time. Why have only one when they can have both?
There are many different kinds of people out there, and for some reason some of them seem to be drawn to people who are already attached.
I think some people find this arrangement gives them a power over the relationship.
SageMother, LOL.
Men naturally are polygamous — throughout history and across cultures decent and honorable men have had as many wives/sexual partners as their status and wealth permitted. Not true for women — multiple sexual partners at the same time is always emotional cheating for them. Christianity changed the rules — one wife, but also no sex outside of marriage and no divorce. Now that society has rejected Christian sexual morality, is it any wonder more and more married men reject the rule that they are the only men who cannot have sexual variety?