But women who date married men know this from the beginning. So what’s the payoff for getting involved with one?
She is attracted to him because he’s already involved with somebody else. In many cases, the Other Woman wouldn’t be turned on by the guy if he wasn’t. The fact that he’s “taken” is proof of his desirability. The fact that another woman’s husband wants her is proof of hers.
Forbidden relationships are filled with desire, suspense, and excitement. Married men are only available occasionally; the guy’s wife may be sick of looking at him, but the Other Woman never knows when he can steal away to be with her. She can’t wait to see him and makes the most of their time together.
Consciously, the Other Woman may long for him to leave his wife, but subconsciously she’s glad he probably won’t. She will never have to pick his socks off the floor, listen to him scream at his kids, or use the bathroom after he’s knocked off 25 pages of the latest Tom Clancy in it.
Deep down, the woman who habitually dates married men (or is attracted to them) has commitment issues. She may curse her bad luck, but she’s probably terrified of marriage. She may dread the day-to-day routine. She may fear boredom. She may be afraid that wedlock will spell the end of her independence. She may also believe that all men are incapable of fidelity. To avoid making herself vulnerable, she continually casts herself as the partner-in-crime rather than the potential victim.
Whatever her reasons, poaching another woman’s husband is flat-out wrong. And, while the wife may never find out about the affair, both cheaters ultimately suffer from guilt and eroding self-respect.
If you’re involved with a married man, sit down and have a talk with yourself. Determine what exactly attracts you to a doomed, morally bankrupt relationship. Determine your fears and beliefs about men and marriage. Come to terms with those that don’t serve you and your future happiness.
Then put one foot in front of the other. Walk away from your married man and don’t look back. The guy’s no bargain.
About the Author
Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of “How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams.” Sign up for free dating tips and check out her blog. She plans a cruise for singles in 2007. Information can be obtained by email.
There are some good points here.
Something not touched on is how the married man may be more attractive because he seems more civilized! Since he has his home life taken care of he probably doesn’t come across nearly as brash as single men. It is almost as if the presence of a wife slows down som eo f the nearnderthal in him….LOL
That could be a reason why Sagemother. To be honest though I just don’t know how you could have much respect for yourself if you choose to be with a married man. Just my personal opinion though.
I suppose some people are attracted to a relationship where no committment can be promised. A relationship based on sex & clandestine meetings, where one isn’t expected to wash the dirty clothes, pay the bills or mind the kids does sound sort of attractive. However, no committment kinda loses it’s appeal after a while & that’s when the other woman is left with no-one to clame but herself.
SageMother, so true. Some men do end up being too desperate for women.
Tater03, I once had a girlfriend who told me “I’m so lucky to even have him. So what if I have to share him?”.
You can tell, she was not very bright.
I am sorry but you’re right that is not a very bright statement. I just would hate to be the other women in a relationship. Just wouldn’t feel to good about myself.
In my book there is no right reason for anyone to go after a married man or woman. People with no morals and values do that. If you’re that freaking lonely, get a cat. If you feel undesirable, well then there must be a good reason…wax the hair on your palms, have the hump on your back removed and move on. My town is swarmed with women who love to mess with married men. They are pathetic and deserve nothing but the worst. I’m a firm believer of “what goes around, comes around”, so mistresses beware!
Tater03, I actually get a lot of hits on this page from keywords such as “dating a married man and I feel so bad” or “should I date a married man”.
I think it’s just common sense, don’t you think? He will never leave his wife for you.
AMC, LOL! Definitely some serious insecurity issues for women that go after married men. And I don’t think it’s just that they are lonely. It comes down to upbringing and if your mother didn’t tell you that sleeping with a married man is trashy…. then that’s exactly what you are - TRASH!
In my opinion, Green Moo has hit the nail on the head, the “other woman” does not have to contend with keeping up with the house chores related to a big house with kids, getting up early to make breakfast, picking up and dropping off. The sweetheart gets to be wined and dined and showered with gifts and money.
If someone knowingly sets out to get involved with a married man they must have very little self respect. How could they do that? Being afraid of committment is no excuse, they would be selling themselves short and wrecking other lives in the process.
I can not stand women that try to date or mess with married men.I think of you as pretty much…..TRASH! Do you have some type of respect for yourself? Do you have any morals? Like others said, he is not going to leave his wife for you, if he’ll cheat on his wife; what makes you think your any diffrent if he was to leave her? If you are trying to be involved with a married man. Just keep on walkin……..
You can get involved with a MM. If he catches you during a vulnerable time in your life. You may fall for him. By the time reality kicks in you begin to judge him, complain and nag like his wife and he wont want you any how.
Liza, that’s just so wrong in so many levels!
Why do you think we don’t have the time to make our men feeling “special”? It’s because we have to cook, clean, and fold thier laundry!
And what do they do? They spend their time and money on someone else. Men like that shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it!
justontime, there are a lot of lonely women out there that can’t think beyond and above themselves about the morality of stealing someone’s husband.
Either that, or they’ve never heard the ten commandements and something about it’s a sin to covet something that’s not yours.
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