This is in fact a real phenomenon, although it affects every person and every couple differently and to different extents. Also, the “seven-year” designation isn’t terribly scientific, but it’s on-the-mark more often than you might expect. Another factor that will be specific to the couple involved is the time period. In fact, five years is probably a little more accurate, with the “itch” occurring most commonly between the fifth and seventh year of a given relationship — sometimes lasting the two years in between.
Why is there an itch in the first place?
The itch may occur for a few different reasons. The first reason would simply be our biological makeup as Homo-Sapiens. We are naturally given to change, and so long times spent in one particular situation will make us curious as to how things could be different. Also, and despite our best efforts, we’re still subject to the instincts and urges all animals experience, though we have the means to combat those urges with our brain-power.
A high comfort level within the relationship can, believe it or not, also contribute to the itch’s occurance. Comfort can sometimes lead to a feeling of the mundane; what used to be exciting has now become predictable. Throw into the mix the fact that most couples have experienced some major shifts in their lives in the first five years of a relationship (career beginnings, promotions, the purchase of a home, the arrival of one or more babies) and you can see how the focus may be shifted away from maintaining the relationship.
Overcoming the itch
This is a difficult time for any couple, because there are always thoughts about what could have been. Both parties are going to under a lot of stress.
The most important strategy in overcoming the itch is to communicate as a couple. Don’t shut down, and don’t stop sharing due to fear of a fight. A lot of couples will find that counseling is useful at this point in their relationship.
If you do go for counseling, be ready to accept that it is a process. Most counselors are not able to find a magic solution right away, and the sessions can be difficult for both individuals. Try not to let what is said in front of the counselor spill over after the session. A lot of couples will find that they are united through their interaction with the counselor; smiling a lot and reflecting on past good times can help to overcome the feelings of alienation from each other that the itch brings on.
Going through a rough patch in a relationship is typical. In fact, it is so common that the worst spots have actually been labeled. If you are committed to your relationship, it is important to talk through the period known as the seven year itch and be prepared to hang in as long as it takes.
About the Author
Alex Daniels consults for an online gift shop offering groomsmen “gifts for him” as well as unique wedding favors. Alex is recently married.
I think the key thing here is that a relationship reaches a comfort level after a certain time. My own marriage floundered after roughly 7 years. Suddenly it just lost it’s lustre & nothing seemed good any more.
Green-Moo, I hope it sorted itself out?
It is a general thing that once people have been together for a number of years they become complacent. The girls don’t do the things they used to do and vice versa. Proactive actions needs to be taken to remedy these situations.
The remedy to a “seven year itch”, or “complacent crisis” is to hie yourselves to the bedroom and remember how it was in the old days when you were really passionate. Have sex in every room of the house, even your kid’s room (when they are not home, of course). Get out to the garage, shed, wherever. Do it doggy-style. Do it standing up or over the washing machine when it’s running.Have I given everybody enough hints?
I think we all need to guard against taking our partners for granted. We have to make time for each other, otherwise we will grow apart.
Liza, you are so right about that.
My husband and I have only been married for over a year and we’re even feeling it!
So, we’ve decided that date night every week is a must and so is spending quality time together for at least half an hour like walking around the neighborhood.
Another important thing is also spending time with other people. This gives you time away from each other and give you more to talk about when you get back home.
Lisa, you are right it is really important to have a life outside. As you say it gives you more to talk about and it gives you a sense of identity that is not totally dependant on your partner.
Leave a Reply