I’m afraid you’re going to leave me
In fact, according to Relationship Coaches Susie & Otto Collins, there are several reasons why this is happening and here are a few:
1. Most couples are busier than ever, and are trying to “do it all.” They put their relationship on the “back burner” and don’t take the time to connect and communicate with each other.
2. More time is spent at work with co-workers than with a spouse and this is causing mistrust and misunderstandings between couples.
3. Many people are buying into unhealthy expectations and beliefs about relationships such as “You should know what I’m thinking or feeling without me telling you,” “I’m afraid you’re going to leave me,” or “You’ll always be there.”
Jealousy has become a huge problem that can cripple a relationship between two people who otherwise love or care abut each other deeply.
What’s the solution? According to the Collins’ there are some ways to heal jealousy…
1. Jealous feelings result from real or imagined fears that the relationship will be taken away. The first thing is to determine whether the fears result from real or imagined events.
2. When triggered by jealousy, breathe and keep focused on what’s truly happening in situations. Don’t listen to the stories that are made up in your mind.
3. Create a plan for healing jealousy. If there’s truth to your suspicions, deal with that truth in a straightforward way. If there’s no truth and nothing currently “causing” jealous behavior, decide to heal it and take steps to change. Jealousy can be healed. It just takes courage, commitment and learning some new skills.
Because this is such a big problem, Susie and Otto Collins also offer a free online audio and lessons for overcoming jealousy that has been helpful to thousands of individuals and couples dealing with jealous issues from their web site at http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com For interviews, call Susie and Otto Collins 740-772-2279.
I remember the “astronaut incident”. The most common reaction among those who spoke of it, was ” she had to be nuts to put on a diaper to do this!”
Here parameters of behavior were a bit different. Remember, this person is used to wearing a diaper for her job in outer space, so this wasn’t part of pathology.
I imagine the extremely intelligent and creative, which astronauts have to be, can also be extremely emotional, which is why many of these sorts suffer from depressions and will manifest behaviors that would be “over the top”.
Her pathology kicked in when she took a gun with her to force a change in a relationship which signaled her break with reality.
SageMother, I am not sure if you are familiar with the color personality, but most astronauts are predestined to be green/blue personality. There is that self absorption that is required with a person who is a high thinker. They tend to lose themselves in their project and get absorbed with the little things that life hand them when they do pop out of their objectiveness from time to time.
It is a fact that the more time you spend with people, the closer you will get even if it does not blossom into an intimate sexual relationship. At times they tend to be more understanding and supportive than spouses.
I am not familiar with the color personality.
I sounds like if you could get people with OCD to apply that energy to detailed work, they may not need treatment!
LOL
Step 3 spoke about creating a plan to deal with jealousy. This takes much communication and will power.
I can relate to the comment about “wanting it all”. My brother and his wife built an extremely successful business, but then realized they had spent the last twenty years talking to each other about business matters only! They are working hard to repair this, and I think they’ll make it.
Interesting, MollyL.
It is nice, however, that they hadn’t seen their constant conversations about business, as an overwhelming problem. It sounds like they were ready to add some variety to their conversational relationship.
Liza, you are so right about that.
I don’t know if you ever watched Allie McBeal, but they had a couple of episodes just dealing with this. Sometimes friendship can get carried away when one misinterpret a gesture.
SageMother, LOL!
I hear color is the old and unorthodox way to heal personality disorders….
I personally get motivated by certain colors. Don’t you?
It is true that people tend to put their personal life on hold in order to focus on career development or whatever. We take people and life itself for granted and sometimes when we rcognise this it is too late and we have lost the things we should value most, our loved ones and our health. It is important to get the balance right, we should remember to live now as well as looking to the future.
Liza, creating a plan to counteract jealousy is a very hard thing to pull off. That’s why counseling is very important because you need to have that accountability portion also after you made your plan. Don’t you think?
mollyL, I am in the same problem myself. My husband and I are self-employed and we work too damn hard. Our communications even sometime is restricted to msn eventhough we are just rooms apart.
…. and we definitely are trying hard to get some quality time in between. But it’s just so hard when you are self-employed. You always have to worry where the next dollar is going to come from.
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